Wanted

Original:Friday, October 10, 2008
Wanted
Our company forces us to keep an updated copy of our resumes in a large database that apparantly only Human Resources can see. We are not exactly sure the specific reason for these requests, however most people comply. My real resume resembles a dinner menu at a fancy restaurant, however, much like a fancy restaurant, it looks good on paper but really tastes like shit.
It resembles something like this, added are things I wish were there.
CHRISTOPHER KEMMERER
Address : Not at my parents house, but also doesn't give 650 dollars to old man with stained shirt.
Objective: Find job where I can wear the least amount of clothes and get paid millions of dollars.
Education
EMBRY RIDDLE AERONAUTICAL UNIVERSITY – Learned how to fly to eventually sell out to Air Traffic Control. BAC higher than GPA. Successfully had apartment off campus, vacuumed once a semester. Continued buying more underwear to avoid having to do laundry. Got mono.
Work experience
Candy Striper – St Johns Hospital. Was hoping there would be candy, but no dice. Kept uniform.
Deckhand / Sailboat – Resembled Captain Ron played by Patrick Swayze. Had Intercourse with woman on board. Took shirt off twice.
Captain A340-600 Lufthansa German Airlines – Self explanatory.
Actor Disney World – Played WWI German flying ace with pants pulled up to knees and scarf wearing those big goggles for the Indiana Jones show. Fired for wearing outfit in public.
Activities
Water Polo Champion, outside of Fabians Pool.
Interior Decorator of John Antinore's Condo.
Never letting the best things of my life go.

ck needy needy needy.