http://www.lionrose.com/images/Fruit_Plate.jpg
ck
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
10-28/Swish and Spit
Before we headed to Pittsburgh, I attended my first wine tasting event last Thursday. It was held at the Atlantis Aquarium in Riverhead on the edge of Long Island. All I wanted to do was wear a suit jacket, so I was in.
When you arrived into the main area, a classy lounge band was playing the "Girl From Ipanema." Around the hall, there were cheese spreads strategically located and catering personnel were walking around with different hors d'oeuvres. All the Long Island Wineries set up tables where you could taste, and even purchase some of the wine.
I became quite excited once I saw the personnel walking around with these delicious bite size vittles, but quickly became disappointed when I started to notice most of them were fish related. It's a bit embarrassing when you start flagging down these folks, only to dismiss them when they tell you that it's shrimp delight or shrimp medley.
At one point I did spot pigs in a blanket, but I couldn't track her down quick enough. I felt like she was running away from me because I had that hungry look in my eye.
"Easy sweetheart," I mumbled under my breath, as I ran after her in the dark cavern around the shark tank.
She did elude me and my advances to her pigs in a blanket, only because I got distracted by lamb chops, and she turned a corner back into the crowd. I didn't feel so bad, because I would have probably grabbed an uncomfortable amount in my hand and given her a dirty look.
After some snooping, I found where the caterers emerged from the kitchen. It was where the bathroom was located, so I kept pretending that I was waiting for someone to come out. When they would approach, I'd act shocked like I had no idea, then with the reluctant face of 'I really shouldn't, but youre twisting my arm', I'd give in.
"Yeah, I'll try a chocolate potato roll."
At one point I realized that I was like the 5 year old waiting near the entrance to the field where the players would come out. I would get all excited when the caterer came around the corner, but then have the disappointment when it was codfish balls - just as if the caterer was someone obscure like the third string QB of the team or Al Del Greco.
The hardest part was doing the wine tasting. I would have to figure out a way where I could go to each of the tables without being recognized as "that guy." We started a criss-cross pattern, always stopping to check the wine bottle itself. Looking at each other, we'd shake our heads in affirmation that this was a good one.
Looking at Al with shocked-raised eyebrows, "Ah, its a 98.''
Then looking at the wine attendant, " Mmm, Ill try some of this."
It did get awkward when we started hitting up the tables for the second time, then the third, then the fourth. I was wondering if we should keep the charade going, or just stop pretending. I think we eventually went with the latter and just started pointing at what we wanted with a cute shrug of the shoulders.
As the evening progressed, I did notice that the band was playing Michael Jackson's "Beat It." Upon further inspection, the band leader was wearing dark sunglasses, a black hat, and a white glove. It was too dark to get the photo.
Just to note, there was also the guy who did the swirl, the sniff, and then the taste.
"A little fruity, delicate,....... soft. I like it." Just like me.
When you arrived into the main area, a classy lounge band was playing the "Girl From Ipanema." Around the hall, there were cheese spreads strategically located and catering personnel were walking around with different hors d'oeuvres. All the Long Island Wineries set up tables where you could taste, and even purchase some of the wine.
I became quite excited once I saw the personnel walking around with these delicious bite size vittles, but quickly became disappointed when I started to notice most of them were fish related. It's a bit embarrassing when you start flagging down these folks, only to dismiss them when they tell you that it's shrimp delight or shrimp medley.
At one point I did spot pigs in a blanket, but I couldn't track her down quick enough. I felt like she was running away from me because I had that hungry look in my eye.
"Easy sweetheart," I mumbled under my breath, as I ran after her in the dark cavern around the shark tank.
She did elude me and my advances to her pigs in a blanket, only because I got distracted by lamb chops, and she turned a corner back into the crowd. I didn't feel so bad, because I would have probably grabbed an uncomfortable amount in my hand and given her a dirty look.
After some snooping, I found where the caterers emerged from the kitchen. It was where the bathroom was located, so I kept pretending that I was waiting for someone to come out. When they would approach, I'd act shocked like I had no idea, then with the reluctant face of 'I really shouldn't, but youre twisting my arm', I'd give in.
"Yeah, I'll try a chocolate potato roll."
At one point I realized that I was like the 5 year old waiting near the entrance to the field where the players would come out. I would get all excited when the caterer came around the corner, but then have the disappointment when it was codfish balls - just as if the caterer was someone obscure like the third string QB of the team or Al Del Greco.
The hardest part was doing the wine tasting. I would have to figure out a way where I could go to each of the tables without being recognized as "that guy." We started a criss-cross pattern, always stopping to check the wine bottle itself. Looking at each other, we'd shake our heads in affirmation that this was a good one.
Looking at Al with shocked-raised eyebrows, "Ah, its a 98.''
Then looking at the wine attendant, " Mmm, Ill try some of this."
It did get awkward when we started hitting up the tables for the second time, then the third, then the fourth. I was wondering if we should keep the charade going, or just stop pretending. I think we eventually went with the latter and just started pointing at what we wanted with a cute shrug of the shoulders.
As the evening progressed, I did notice that the band was playing Michael Jackson's "Beat It." Upon further inspection, the band leader was wearing dark sunglasses, a black hat, and a white glove. It was too dark to get the photo.
Just to note, there was also the guy who did the swirl, the sniff, and then the taste.
"A little fruity, delicate,....... soft. I like it." Just like me.
ck .
10-28/Picture of the Week
FC and Paps prepare to storm Cheese Stick Hill to battle Chucky and his Cheese Forces.
10-28/Picture of the Week
A proud Paps signing the surrender treaty from General Chucky after his forces ran out of marina.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Turn Your Head and Cough
Getting sick is just as bad as being sick. You can feel it coming, and instead of attacking it, and defending against it, you just give in and go down with the ship.
Get some rest? Go out and stay out late.
Have a healthy meal and climb into bed? Eat a 12AM Chalupa.
Shut off the AC in late October?Turn it on full blast on the off chance you might sweat.
I can't stand being sick. I like the little act I put on after I get over being sick. I eat lots of fruit, wear jogging suits and go to the gym. I like to walk around like a fitness guru giving random people tips on how to work out and be healthy.
Being sick though is one of the biggest nuisance's ever. God forbid you have to give in and go to the Doctor. I always feel as if the Doctor's office is going to make me sicker. I just picture myself sitting there with germs attacking me.
At the office all the single chairs with armrests are lined up around the periphery of the room, except for the row smack in the middle reserved for musical chairs. Enter the old lady, who hasn't bathed since Eisenhower, and she's going to sit right next to you while her daughter fills out the paperwork.
I feel bad sometimes, though, because I look down on the other people that come in to the Doctor's office. They shuffle in, all fatigued, and malaised, with a wad of tissues bundled in their hands. I almost feel like turning to the guy next to me and saying, "Get a load of this guy," pointing with my thumb. Then he looks at me weird because a river of snot is running down my nose.
Maybe instead of making these offices so drab and boring, we can turn them into singles bars. Go out and meet someone, infect each other with love. Since everyone in the office is sick anyway, why not?
A DJ can spin the tracks, however you will never know if he's a real doctor or if that's the way he's dressing. And when he says, " This one goes out to everyone with the flu," you're not exactly sure what he's saying because he loves that surgical mask so much.
And if you do meet that special someone, why not take her up to the bar, and buy her a shot of pepto or pedialyte. You'll be on that doctor's table in no time.
But you'll be the one doing the examining.....
(that means intercourse)
ck
Get some rest? Go out and stay out late.
Have a healthy meal and climb into bed? Eat a 12AM Chalupa.
Shut off the AC in late October?Turn it on full blast on the off chance you might sweat.
I can't stand being sick. I like the little act I put on after I get over being sick. I eat lots of fruit, wear jogging suits and go to the gym. I like to walk around like a fitness guru giving random people tips on how to work out and be healthy.
Being sick though is one of the biggest nuisance's ever. God forbid you have to give in and go to the Doctor. I always feel as if the Doctor's office is going to make me sicker. I just picture myself sitting there with germs attacking me.
At the office all the single chairs with armrests are lined up around the periphery of the room, except for the row smack in the middle reserved for musical chairs. Enter the old lady, who hasn't bathed since Eisenhower, and she's going to sit right next to you while her daughter fills out the paperwork.
I feel bad sometimes, though, because I look down on the other people that come in to the Doctor's office. They shuffle in, all fatigued, and malaised, with a wad of tissues bundled in their hands. I almost feel like turning to the guy next to me and saying, "Get a load of this guy," pointing with my thumb. Then he looks at me weird because a river of snot is running down my nose.
Maybe instead of making these offices so drab and boring, we can turn them into singles bars. Go out and meet someone, infect each other with love. Since everyone in the office is sick anyway, why not?
A DJ can spin the tracks, however you will never know if he's a real doctor or if that's the way he's dressing. And when he says, " This one goes out to everyone with the flu," you're not exactly sure what he's saying because he loves that surgical mask so much.
And if you do meet that special someone, why not take her up to the bar, and buy her a shot of pepto or pedialyte. You'll be on that doctor's table in no time.
But you'll be the one doing the examining.....
(that means intercourse)
ck
Barber Shop Blog 4 - Buzz Me, Cut Me, Shave Me
Original:Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Cut me, buzz me, shave me.
It was humor at its best. Russian immigrants cutting hair, their uninhibited commentary to customers no longer shackled down by the laws of common decency. Those shackles were broken, leaving Russia and fullfilling their dreams - Cutting hair and demeaning balding customers in their 20's.
It's the return of the Barbershop Blog.
That barbershop, with its large wide windows, was snugly fit in between a fish store and a local dive bar. Its strategic location begged for the fish-eaters and the drunks to come on in, " Hchave a hchaircut" the buidling's soft voices would almost call out. The voices so sweet that if you ignored the shop's initial contact, it would make you feel you were welcome any time. " Ok, maybe after snapper, or wodka?"
The talking barbershop was actually the barbers inside messing with me. When I found out, they would yell at me, "hcha hcha, he thought the buildink was talking to him!! Get out of hchere baldty!!!"
I never saw them again.
Wandering the streets for months, my now moppy head yearned for a fresh cut. A fresh look. It was what I needed, now that I had lost yet another barber from my life. A fresh look - not only -but a fresh start. As I wandered the cold streets of Whitestone, NY, collar up, hand in pockets, I saw it in the distance. A flicker of blue, white and red, coiling in an upward motion, rotating trance-like, had lulled me into a type of hypnosis. With a quick reflex-like twist of my head to the left, I pushed aside with my hand the long brown locks that blinded me.
Incessantly blockng my vision with such obnoxiousness, I mockingly inserted a section of the long thick strands between my middle and forefinger. With a dark stare at the locks 2 inches from my eyes, I pretended to snip. I had found my new barber.
2 years later
We had never spoken one word. As soon as that smock was thrown around me I was his. The charactures of different ladies hairstyles that covered me on the smock all laughed at me. It choked me at the collar.
In silence he cut me, he buzzed me, he shaved me. Two years of silence.
Until last Friday, he spoke…..
"This weather, his nice, no?"
Sullenly, lowering my eyes to the lady characture of the bee-hive hairdoo on top of my left breast, I responded, "Yes." Not a weather talk. I prefered the years of diligence and silence over the weather talk.
Then it happened….
"^^** for McCain or Bama?"
My heart lept! A real conversation!……...Shit - his English is worse than those bastards down the street.
"**__ no Palin like guns $@^% has daochter pregnant, no hchusband!" he stated, making the half-oval shape with his hand over his stomach, indicating a woman with child. Then he waited for a response. My nod indicated he may proceed, and he did.
"Hoh-bom-a-ch Muslim, ^&$^*() Hussein family **$(*. Wife black, childrchen blachk. ***
%@%!@%@ $!* *@* (((&*@ *!%!"
No idea. As I wondered what ignorance he was spewing, I was crushed. I couldn't hear all of how funny and ridiculous this rant could have been.
"You dhont have Muslim as president. No Hamas president Israel. Egipt (Egypt) has Egipt. Saudi Arabia."
"Breschnev – 4 star Geen-eral. Kruschev – 2 star Geen-eral " As he listed the leaders of Russia and all their ranks, he affixed imaginary epaulets to his shoulders, like someone in the military, or a pilot, would wear.
"Gorbachev ruined Russia. Ge-orgia and Russia fight. Ho-bama, no strong, no military." Then, making a big C using his forefinger and thumb, he placed them on his dimples, " His face too younghk No like him." He then made racially driven comments as to what would happen if Obama won.
I asked him where he was originally from. He said, "Uzbekistan. Was part Russia" I then thought about Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd wearing those white furry outfits in the movie, "Spies Like Us."
"McCh-ain good. Looks experience. Military. Is gudt"
ck Mohegan Sun.
Cut me, buzz me, shave me.
It was humor at its best. Russian immigrants cutting hair, their uninhibited commentary to customers no longer shackled down by the laws of common decency. Those shackles were broken, leaving Russia and fullfilling their dreams - Cutting hair and demeaning balding customers in their 20's.
It's the return of the Barbershop Blog.
That barbershop, with its large wide windows, was snugly fit in between a fish store and a local dive bar. Its strategic location begged for the fish-eaters and the drunks to come on in, " Hchave a hchaircut" the buidling's soft voices would almost call out. The voices so sweet that if you ignored the shop's initial contact, it would make you feel you were welcome any time. " Ok, maybe after snapper, or wodka?"
The talking barbershop was actually the barbers inside messing with me. When I found out, they would yell at me, "hcha hcha, he thought the buildink was talking to him!! Get out of hchere baldty!!!"
I never saw them again.
Wandering the streets for months, my now moppy head yearned for a fresh cut. A fresh look. It was what I needed, now that I had lost yet another barber from my life. A fresh look - not only -but a fresh start. As I wandered the cold streets of Whitestone, NY, collar up, hand in pockets, I saw it in the distance. A flicker of blue, white and red, coiling in an upward motion, rotating trance-like, had lulled me into a type of hypnosis. With a quick reflex-like twist of my head to the left, I pushed aside with my hand the long brown locks that blinded me.
Incessantly blockng my vision with such obnoxiousness, I mockingly inserted a section of the long thick strands between my middle and forefinger. With a dark stare at the locks 2 inches from my eyes, I pretended to snip. I had found my new barber.
2 years later
We had never spoken one word. As soon as that smock was thrown around me I was his. The charactures of different ladies hairstyles that covered me on the smock all laughed at me. It choked me at the collar.
In silence he cut me, he buzzed me, he shaved me. Two years of silence.
Until last Friday, he spoke…..
"This weather, his nice, no?"
Sullenly, lowering my eyes to the lady characture of the bee-hive hairdoo on top of my left breast, I responded, "Yes." Not a weather talk. I prefered the years of diligence and silence over the weather talk.
Then it happened….
"^^** for McCain or Bama?"
My heart lept! A real conversation!……...Shit - his English is worse than those bastards down the street.
"**__ no Palin like guns $@^% has daochter pregnant, no hchusband!" he stated, making the half-oval shape with his hand over his stomach, indicating a woman with child. Then he waited for a response. My nod indicated he may proceed, and he did.
"Hoh-bom-a-ch Muslim, ^&$^*() Hussein family **$(*. Wife black, childrchen blachk. ***
%@%!@%@ $!* *@* (((&*@ *!%!"
No idea. As I wondered what ignorance he was spewing, I was crushed. I couldn't hear all of how funny and ridiculous this rant could have been.
"You dhont have Muslim as president. No Hamas president Israel. Egipt (Egypt) has Egipt. Saudi Arabia."
"Breschnev – 4 star Geen-eral. Kruschev – 2 star Geen-eral " As he listed the leaders of Russia and all their ranks, he affixed imaginary epaulets to his shoulders, like someone in the military, or a pilot, would wear.
"Gorbachev ruined Russia. Ge-orgia and Russia fight. Ho-bama, no strong, no military." Then, making a big C using his forefinger and thumb, he placed them on his dimples, " His face too younghk No like him." He then made racially driven comments as to what would happen if Obama won.
I asked him where he was originally from. He said, "Uzbekistan. Was part Russia" I then thought about Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd wearing those white furry outfits in the movie, "Spies Like Us."
"McCh-ain good. Looks experience. Military. Is gudt"
ck Mohegan Sun.
Food Committee
Original:Saturday, October 18, 2008
Food Committee
Live from New Jersey, I was in contact with Phil Paps and Colin Dools, who were covering one of the top tailgates in the country. "The Hunt" as its known, is a celebration of food, drinks, laughter, and fun.
While I really don't know what its about, I'd like to guess and say that its a harvest celebration where they clean up the Jersey Shore or something. I think that they might throw hay on the beach to soak up the garbage. Not sure.
PP and CD relayed to me, via telephone connection, that the tailgate was running smooth and that there were lots of decent spreads. This conference call led to the development of a new idea, the Food Committee.
The Food Committee will walk around the tailgate sampling many items from the appetizers, to the main courses, to of course - the beverages. The Food Committee will not be limited to food and beverage, but also to entertainment.
I see it happening something like this...
CD will be walking around the tables judging, at first, by sight. Hands joined behind his back, and a stone faced glare, he will not try the food unless it looks worthy. If it doesn't make the cut to the taste test, a sour face will be made, accompanied by a lazy disregarding wave (if real bad, add an old man type "aaahhh"). This reaction might be something similar to Miss America or Miss New Jersey after being asked out by yours truly.
If CD approves of your presentation, he will taste it. Please no Doritos. While tasty and delicious, its too cliche. The food doesn't have to be home-made, but originality will make up for that.
When judging the food, not only creativity/originality count, but also how well it works with alcohol. While filet mignon is classy, a beef brisket sandwich will put you up there.
The Food Committee will also discern between which cocktails make the cut. The Committee has approved use of all Franzia wine boxes.
In the entertainment critique, if CD laughs with arms crossed - one hand nestled under his chin - not only will he look adorable, but you will honored with bonus points. Accordion players will automatically be awarded first prize.
Photos were provided but are not uploading at this time.
After the tailgate concludes, awards will be given.
"Best Dish"
"Best Accordion Player"
"Best Drunk Impression of Borat"
"Best Tailgate Hookup Spot"
Let's get this started.
ck ..........
Food Committee
Live from New Jersey, I was in contact with Phil Paps and Colin Dools, who were covering one of the top tailgates in the country. "The Hunt" as its known, is a celebration of food, drinks, laughter, and fun.
While I really don't know what its about, I'd like to guess and say that its a harvest celebration where they clean up the Jersey Shore or something. I think that they might throw hay on the beach to soak up the garbage. Not sure.
PP and CD relayed to me, via telephone connection, that the tailgate was running smooth and that there were lots of decent spreads. This conference call led to the development of a new idea, the Food Committee.
The Food Committee will walk around the tailgate sampling many items from the appetizers, to the main courses, to of course - the beverages. The Food Committee will not be limited to food and beverage, but also to entertainment.
I see it happening something like this...
CD will be walking around the tables judging, at first, by sight. Hands joined behind his back, and a stone faced glare, he will not try the food unless it looks worthy. If it doesn't make the cut to the taste test, a sour face will be made, accompanied by a lazy disregarding wave (if real bad, add an old man type "aaahhh"). This reaction might be something similar to Miss America or Miss New Jersey after being asked out by yours truly.
If CD approves of your presentation, he will taste it. Please no Doritos. While tasty and delicious, its too cliche. The food doesn't have to be home-made, but originality will make up for that.
When judging the food, not only creativity/originality count, but also how well it works with alcohol. While filet mignon is classy, a beef brisket sandwich will put you up there.
The Food Committee will also discern between which cocktails make the cut. The Committee has approved use of all Franzia wine boxes.
In the entertainment critique, if CD laughs with arms crossed - one hand nestled under his chin - not only will he look adorable, but you will honored with bonus points. Accordion players will automatically be awarded first prize.
Photos were provided but are not uploading at this time.
After the tailgate concludes, awards will be given.
"Best Dish"
"Best Accordion Player"
"Best Drunk Impression of Borat"
"Best Tailgate Hookup Spot"
Let's get this started.
ck ..........
Ahoy Mates
Original:Friday, October 17, 2008
Ahoy Mates
When our power went out, I went to go speak to the landlord who lived on the main floor. I knew that something was amiss, since Wheel of Fortune was blasting at the normal 400 decibels. Somehow the power to the main floor, where they lived, had been restored about 90 percent.
'He' was on the phone with the power company, yelling into the handset unaware that it was on speaker phone. Perhaps he was aware, but was so old that he needed to hold it to his ear to actually hear. I was proud, though, that he was wearing pants at this time of the eve.
After some tricky moves with extension cords, we were able to salvage entertainment, allowing us to watch 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' ( A WHOLE SEPERATE BLOG ). We still had to use the cell phone lights to pee.
With all of this going on, I figured the search for the house must continue on. Even though the plans had been ammended to renting, I figured Suffolk county had plenty of gems to offer for a good price.
This wonderful "cottage style" abode boasts plenty of "get to know yourself time" as you relax undoubtedly where many pigs and chickens have been slain. I feel like there should be a well nearby.http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/abo/882592318.html
For those of you that hate those pesky windows that always seems to need cleaning.http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/abo/880772755.html
Gentlemen start your engines.http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/abo/874900132.html
Now, I did find a quite lovely place on the water with its own boat slip. The price is not too bad, and according to the pictures its not quite the dump that we have come across in the past. I am frightened, though, to have a boat slip. How can I have a boat slip attached to my house, and not have a boat?http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vbmV3eW9yay5jcmFpZ3NsaXN0Lm9yZy9sZ2kvYWJvLzg4MjgwMzMzMS5odG1s
So I figured Id look around for a boat and some other accessories.
"The Dink" I love ithttp://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/8ft-fiberglass-dinghy-The-Dink-by-AmericanSail_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trkparmsZ72Q3a1205Q7c39Q3a1Q7c66Q3a2Q7c65Q3a12Q7c240Q3a1318QQ_trksidZp3286Q2ec0Q2em14QQhashZitem260298991927QQitemZ260298991927
http://www.fastfancydress.co.uk/templates/imagedirectory/sailor%20boy%20kit%20male%20lg.jpg
If I were to actually get a real boat, I probably would still paddle it around anyway. Furthermore, I don't think that people actually care if you leavethe dock. I think that basically the most important part is physicallydrinking on the boat. Who needs all that movement, with the wind, and seagulls making those stupid noises. If you ask me, the ocean is over-rated. This is a great conversation for the beginning of winter.
ck Aruba
Ahoy Mates
When our power went out, I went to go speak to the landlord who lived on the main floor. I knew that something was amiss, since Wheel of Fortune was blasting at the normal 400 decibels. Somehow the power to the main floor, where they lived, had been restored about 90 percent.
'He' was on the phone with the power company, yelling into the handset unaware that it was on speaker phone. Perhaps he was aware, but was so old that he needed to hold it to his ear to actually hear. I was proud, though, that he was wearing pants at this time of the eve.
After some tricky moves with extension cords, we were able to salvage entertainment, allowing us to watch 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' ( A WHOLE SEPERATE BLOG ). We still had to use the cell phone lights to pee.
With all of this going on, I figured the search for the house must continue on. Even though the plans had been ammended to renting, I figured Suffolk county had plenty of gems to offer for a good price.
This wonderful "cottage style" abode boasts plenty of "get to know yourself time" as you relax undoubtedly where many pigs and chickens have been slain. I feel like there should be a well nearby.http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/abo/882592318.html
For those of you that hate those pesky windows that always seems to need cleaning.http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/abo/880772755.html
Gentlemen start your engines.http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/abo/874900132.html
Now, I did find a quite lovely place on the water with its own boat slip. The price is not too bad, and according to the pictures its not quite the dump that we have come across in the past. I am frightened, though, to have a boat slip. How can I have a boat slip attached to my house, and not have a boat?http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vbmV3eW9yay5jcmFpZ3NsaXN0Lm9yZy9sZ2kvYWJvLzg4MjgwMzMzMS5odG1s
So I figured Id look around for a boat and some other accessories.
"The Dink" I love ithttp://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/8ft-fiberglass-dinghy-The-Dink-by-AmericanSail_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQ_trkparmsZ72Q3a1205Q7c39Q3a1Q7c66Q3a2Q7c65Q3a12Q7c240Q3a1318QQ_trksidZp3286Q2ec0Q2em14QQhashZitem260298991927QQitemZ260298991927
http://www.fastfancydress.co.uk/templates/imagedirectory/sailor%20boy%20kit%20male%20lg.jpg
If I were to actually get a real boat, I probably would still paddle it around anyway. Furthermore, I don't think that people actually care if you leavethe dock. I think that basically the most important part is physicallydrinking on the boat. Who needs all that movement, with the wind, and seagulls making those stupid noises. If you ask me, the ocean is over-rated. This is a great conversation for the beginning of winter.
ck Aruba
Dude
Original:Thursday, October 16, 2008
Dude
Three found, busted after getting lost in sewer
BY Brendan Brosh, Alison Gendar, Jonathan Lemire and Wil Cruz DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
" Three blockheaded teenagers were busted playing in a sewer Wednesday in Queens - after getting lost while pretending to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, police sources said.
Schiller Milfort, 16, of Hollis, and Marvin Ottley, 17, of Bellaire, along with an unidentified 15-year-old boy, were shirtless and in their shorts and sneakers when firefighters plucked them out of a sewer in Kissena Park.
The make-believe heroes were crawling around the sewer system when they got confused and lost their way, police sources said.
They were not injured, officials said.
"These three idiots were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wanted to go into the sewers," said one police source. "They were never in danger, just goofing off and being stupid."
Milfort and Ottley were charged with criminal trespassing. The other teenager was released to his parents. "
???????????????????????????????????????????
I am amazed at how life is cyclical. I was convinced with the rise of fuel prices and all the environmental problems, that this world was headed for a big old reset. We lost power in the apartment yesterday, and I was prepared to live like I was out on the prarie in preparation for this reset. I am glad that I had the cow and chickens ready, however, using the outhouse (shed with garden tools) was nothing new to me.
How far can life continue in its advancement? Cell phones are getting cooler, ok. Airplanes are getting more futuristic in the sense of efficiency and composition. However, the most futuristic aircraft aesthetically, the Conconde, is no longer flying.
But less seriously, how great is this story?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were by far the greatest superheroes that were produced from my time on this earth. They are probably the predecessors of the Power Rangers, again with the asian influence though. Thats funny.
I remember being quite wrapped up in the TMNT. I really like Donatello because he was a scientist and engineer. He likes to solve problems with his mind, not fists, but if needed, he had his Bo ready to go. Michelangelo pissed me off because he always thought he was so funny. He's an ass.
I tell you who was weird, though. It was that Casey Jones. I always felt uncomfortable about his sweatpant-ish type attire, with that odd drawstring on the front. It made me feel awkward thinking about April O'Neill undoing that drawstring and the look on Jones' face. They had to have been banging. Was he wearing an athletic supporter as part of his costume?
If Casey had all that sports equipment, and he apparantly was in good enough shape to be a vigilante, why wouldn't he just play sports? He probably could have been on scholarship and continue his life in professional athletics, or perhaps receive a good education leading to a nice respectable job. Maybe then he wouldn't have to wear those molester's pants.
ck too upset to bother.
Dude
Three found, busted after getting lost in sewer
BY Brendan Brosh, Alison Gendar, Jonathan Lemire and Wil Cruz DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
" Three blockheaded teenagers were busted playing in a sewer Wednesday in Queens - after getting lost while pretending to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, police sources said.
Schiller Milfort, 16, of Hollis, and Marvin Ottley, 17, of Bellaire, along with an unidentified 15-year-old boy, were shirtless and in their shorts and sneakers when firefighters plucked them out of a sewer in Kissena Park.
The make-believe heroes were crawling around the sewer system when they got confused and lost their way, police sources said.
They were not injured, officials said.
"These three idiots were playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and wanted to go into the sewers," said one police source. "They were never in danger, just goofing off and being stupid."
Milfort and Ottley were charged with criminal trespassing. The other teenager was released to his parents. "
???????????????????????????????????????????
I am amazed at how life is cyclical. I was convinced with the rise of fuel prices and all the environmental problems, that this world was headed for a big old reset. We lost power in the apartment yesterday, and I was prepared to live like I was out on the prarie in preparation for this reset. I am glad that I had the cow and chickens ready, however, using the outhouse (shed with garden tools) was nothing new to me.
How far can life continue in its advancement? Cell phones are getting cooler, ok. Airplanes are getting more futuristic in the sense of efficiency and composition. However, the most futuristic aircraft aesthetically, the Conconde, is no longer flying.
But less seriously, how great is this story?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were by far the greatest superheroes that were produced from my time on this earth. They are probably the predecessors of the Power Rangers, again with the asian influence though. Thats funny.
I remember being quite wrapped up in the TMNT. I really like Donatello because he was a scientist and engineer. He likes to solve problems with his mind, not fists, but if needed, he had his Bo ready to go. Michelangelo pissed me off because he always thought he was so funny. He's an ass.
I tell you who was weird, though. It was that Casey Jones. I always felt uncomfortable about his sweatpant-ish type attire, with that odd drawstring on the front. It made me feel awkward thinking about April O'Neill undoing that drawstring and the look on Jones' face. They had to have been banging. Was he wearing an athletic supporter as part of his costume?
If Casey had all that sports equipment, and he apparantly was in good enough shape to be a vigilante, why wouldn't he just play sports? He probably could have been on scholarship and continue his life in professional athletics, or perhaps receive a good education leading to a nice respectable job. Maybe then he wouldn't have to wear those molester's pants.
ck too upset to bother.
Bro J's Sounds Alot like Blow J's
Original:Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Bro J’s sounds alot like Blow J’s
Transcript of Monday Night Football at local pub.
A. I hate going into the city. But 2 hours all you can drink and all you can eat meat.
B. Colin is once again wearing a child's medium shirt over his childs small body annoying me immediately.
C. Fabian and I polish off 2 pitchers and plate of meat quicker than Colin and Phil who contend me and Fabian are cheating.
D. I overextend ourselves on ordering the meat, and worry that it will be thrown out. I ask Paige if we can take this home, she says, "We throw a ton of food away so its ok."
E. Colin starts talking to Miss New Jersey about marathons and what not, and how he's in great shape from being thin.
F. Miss New Jersey and friend offer us their salad. We offer them our meat.
G. Strange gentleman puts empty glasses on our table, then enjoys meat off our plate. I offer it for free as he offers money, Fabian negates me by slapping my hand and saying, "No, your money is good here."
H. I still hate the city.
I. Gentleman uses urinal for about 4 minutes ahead of me.
J. Shots arrive from guy who ate our meat.
K. Shots arrive from Phil, called Gator bites. Shots taste like anus bites.
L. Meat still on table.
M. Someone's birthday????
N. Colin still thin even after birthday cake.
O. Leave after someone rips photo off wall.
ck. casa velas.
Addendum
"Easy Japan, no need to wake up a sleeping giant" - FC
"Let me see that dressing, it's white isn't it?" - CK
Bro J’s sounds alot like Blow J’s
Transcript of Monday Night Football at local pub.
A. I hate going into the city. But 2 hours all you can drink and all you can eat meat.
B. Colin is once again wearing a child's medium shirt over his childs small body annoying me immediately.
C. Fabian and I polish off 2 pitchers and plate of meat quicker than Colin and Phil who contend me and Fabian are cheating.
D. I overextend ourselves on ordering the meat, and worry that it will be thrown out. I ask Paige if we can take this home, she says, "We throw a ton of food away so its ok."
E. Colin starts talking to Miss New Jersey about marathons and what not, and how he's in great shape from being thin.
F. Miss New Jersey and friend offer us their salad. We offer them our meat.
G. Strange gentleman puts empty glasses on our table, then enjoys meat off our plate. I offer it for free as he offers money, Fabian negates me by slapping my hand and saying, "No, your money is good here."
H. I still hate the city.
I. Gentleman uses urinal for about 4 minutes ahead of me.
J. Shots arrive from guy who ate our meat.
K. Shots arrive from Phil, called Gator bites. Shots taste like anus bites.
L. Meat still on table.
M. Someone's birthday????
N. Colin still thin even after birthday cake.
O. Leave after someone rips photo off wall.
ck. casa velas.
Addendum
"Easy Japan, no need to wake up a sleeping giant" - FC
"Let me see that dressing, it's white isn't it?" - CK
Crossing the Humor Line?
Original:Sunday, October 12, 2008
Crossing the humor line?
Speaking with the Fabulous Fabe, we discussed funny moments in bathroom life. I dont think bathrooms get much respect because of the dirty things that go on in there, but hey, its life. Bathrooms are given the respectful title of "room" and they should be treated as such. They aren't in the same category as the one named bastard children like "closet" or "garage" that usually smells like wet all the time. Bath-rooms aren't as prestigious as the living-room, or dining-room, but still it is given the bath-room title.
I suppose when making up names, the room-naming committee couldn't agree on commode-room, or toilet-room, to describle this part of the house, so they just circumvented the whole dirty issue and named it after another piece of equipment - the bath(room). I believe its Cretian for "to make one's self clean - room."
I was raised to go in and out, don't talk about what you do in there, and always wash your hands. I was never exposed to the wonders of being in there, until I started to question why my Godmother had "Reader's Digest" on the top of the toilet itself. I always guessed it was a mistake, and maybe they left the mail in there sometimes. It led me to realize, though, be loud and proud, you sit on the toilet and read!
Once I realized it was indeed ok to read in the bathroom, a whole new world evolved. It started with the newspaper, leading to magazines, then books. I think the world almost stopped spinning when I brought the laptop in there. I was almost tempted to make a desk that would fit perfectly around the toilet. Perhaps an L shape, for my printer on the side.
Watching TV with the door open is easy, but having a TV in the bathroom itself seems to be the penultimate meaning of life. One day we will all get there. I applaud those that have full libraries in the bathroom, going so far as to have a bookshelf and/or magazine rack. Yes I have seen it.
There is nothing like a framed picture of Kojo looking at you, though, while going about your business. Believe me, it happened once upon a time..
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3NC5waWN0dXJlcy5naS56aW1iaW8uY29tLzJuZCtDb3V0dXJlK0NhcmVzK0JlbmVmaXQrQnJlYXN0K0NhbmNlcis4V2Z5LUJUdEplSmwuanBn
We all have a limit though, especially when company is over, or there are roomates to share with. Sometimes you must make a witty joke about what you have done, or what you need to do, so as to alleviate this embarrassment.
Here are some tips for when you have family staying with you, or you are at someone's dinner party and you need to, um, use the facilities. Especially helpful when the facility is near the middle of the action.
Fabian's Gold Medal - Squeezing the Shampoo bottle. ( I'd like to add - when you come out, bring the shampoo bottle and repeatedly say, "We need more shampoo, its out. I was checking in the bathroom [ point towards the room ] just now. That's what you heard" )
A little too much work - Walking out of the bathroom with plumbing tools, saying " It was tough to fix the sink, but you can use it now" You have to look confident, so people don't think you are crazy...
The Fabian/CK double team ( only works when staying in your girlfriend's all girls dorm room with common showers meant for 8 people) Go in together pretending that its the boy guests' "shower time" and nothing else. This way since we are showering no one else will come in and see what we were doing before the shower. I was convinced that this wouldn't work and that all 8 girls would need to see us in the shower and have their way with us. They never came.
Running the shower while using the facilities is a risky environmental move. If you are actually going to take a shower after, I suggest cutting it shorter. However, if you dont care, and don't even need a shower, you'll have to at least wet your hair, and come out of the bathroom drying said-wet-hair with a towel. Then tell your roomate, ( who probably has his girlfriend's friend over perhaps sparking your need for the charade )....
"You know, I was thinking, IN THE SHOWER, that we need to get more Cheez-its. Hey ( with 'surprised you're here' head nod and hand shake to the friend) My name is Steve, I was just IN THE SHOWER cause I just played sports."
Cell Phone (Expansion of my 'walk and talk method') - Come out of Rest-Room on a fake conversation. You have to really sell this one, just like the walk and talk. Preferably getting angry, and moving your arms alot. People might think, "Someone so angry could not have been going number two." Other people in the party will agree, by saying, " I agree."
ck San Juan.
Crossing the humor line?
Speaking with the Fabulous Fabe, we discussed funny moments in bathroom life. I dont think bathrooms get much respect because of the dirty things that go on in there, but hey, its life. Bathrooms are given the respectful title of "room" and they should be treated as such. They aren't in the same category as the one named bastard children like "closet" or "garage" that usually smells like wet all the time. Bath-rooms aren't as prestigious as the living-room, or dining-room, but still it is given the bath-room title.
I suppose when making up names, the room-naming committee couldn't agree on commode-room, or toilet-room, to describle this part of the house, so they just circumvented the whole dirty issue and named it after another piece of equipment - the bath(room). I believe its Cretian for "to make one's self clean - room."
I was raised to go in and out, don't talk about what you do in there, and always wash your hands. I was never exposed to the wonders of being in there, until I started to question why my Godmother had "Reader's Digest" on the top of the toilet itself. I always guessed it was a mistake, and maybe they left the mail in there sometimes. It led me to realize, though, be loud and proud, you sit on the toilet and read!
Once I realized it was indeed ok to read in the bathroom, a whole new world evolved. It started with the newspaper, leading to magazines, then books. I think the world almost stopped spinning when I brought the laptop in there. I was almost tempted to make a desk that would fit perfectly around the toilet. Perhaps an L shape, for my printer on the side.
Watching TV with the door open is easy, but having a TV in the bathroom itself seems to be the penultimate meaning of life. One day we will all get there. I applaud those that have full libraries in the bathroom, going so far as to have a bookshelf and/or magazine rack. Yes I have seen it.
There is nothing like a framed picture of Kojo looking at you, though, while going about your business. Believe me, it happened once upon a time..
http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3NC5waWN0dXJlcy5naS56aW1iaW8uY29tLzJuZCtDb3V0dXJlK0NhcmVzK0JlbmVmaXQrQnJlYXN0K0NhbmNlcis4V2Z5LUJUdEplSmwuanBn
We all have a limit though, especially when company is over, or there are roomates to share with. Sometimes you must make a witty joke about what you have done, or what you need to do, so as to alleviate this embarrassment.
Here are some tips for when you have family staying with you, or you are at someone's dinner party and you need to, um, use the facilities. Especially helpful when the facility is near the middle of the action.
Fabian's Gold Medal - Squeezing the Shampoo bottle. ( I'd like to add - when you come out, bring the shampoo bottle and repeatedly say, "We need more shampoo, its out. I was checking in the bathroom [ point towards the room ] just now. That's what you heard" )
A little too much work - Walking out of the bathroom with plumbing tools, saying " It was tough to fix the sink, but you can use it now" You have to look confident, so people don't think you are crazy...
The Fabian/CK double team ( only works when staying in your girlfriend's all girls dorm room with common showers meant for 8 people) Go in together pretending that its the boy guests' "shower time" and nothing else. This way since we are showering no one else will come in and see what we were doing before the shower. I was convinced that this wouldn't work and that all 8 girls would need to see us in the shower and have their way with us. They never came.
Running the shower while using the facilities is a risky environmental move. If you are actually going to take a shower after, I suggest cutting it shorter. However, if you dont care, and don't even need a shower, you'll have to at least wet your hair, and come out of the bathroom drying said-wet-hair with a towel. Then tell your roomate, ( who probably has his girlfriend's friend over perhaps sparking your need for the charade )....
"You know, I was thinking, IN THE SHOWER, that we need to get more Cheez-its. Hey ( with 'surprised you're here' head nod and hand shake to the friend) My name is Steve, I was just IN THE SHOWER cause I just played sports."
Cell Phone (Expansion of my 'walk and talk method') - Come out of Rest-Room on a fake conversation. You have to really sell this one, just like the walk and talk. Preferably getting angry, and moving your arms alot. People might think, "Someone so angry could not have been going number two." Other people in the party will agree, by saying, " I agree."
ck San Juan.
Wanted
Original:Friday, October 10, 2008
Wanted
Our company forces us to keep an updated copy of our resumes in a large database that apparantly only Human Resources can see. We are not exactly sure the specific reason for these requests, however most people comply. My real resume resembles a dinner menu at a fancy restaurant, however, much like a fancy restaurant, it looks good on paper but really tastes like shit.
It resembles something like this, added are things I wish were there.
CHRISTOPHER KEMMERER
Address : Not at my parents house, but also doesn't give 650 dollars to old man with stained shirt.
Objective: Find job where I can wear the least amount of clothes and get paid millions of dollars.
Education
EMBRY RIDDLE AERONAUTICAL UNIVERSITY – Learned how to fly to eventually sell out to Air Traffic Control. BAC higher than GPA. Successfully had apartment off campus, vacuumed once a semester. Continued buying more underwear to avoid having to do laundry. Got mono.
Work experience
Candy Striper – St Johns Hospital. Was hoping there would be candy, but no dice. Kept uniform.
Deckhand / Sailboat – Resembled Captain Ron played by Patrick Swayze. Had Intercourse with woman on board. Took shirt off twice.
Captain A340-600 Lufthansa German Airlines – Self explanatory.
Actor Disney World – Played WWI German flying ace with pants pulled up to knees and scarf wearing those big goggles for the Indiana Jones show. Fired for wearing outfit in public.
Activities
Water Polo Champion, outside of Fabians Pool.
Interior Decorator of John Antinore's Condo.
Never letting the best things of my life go.
ck needy needy needy.
Wanted
Our company forces us to keep an updated copy of our resumes in a large database that apparantly only Human Resources can see. We are not exactly sure the specific reason for these requests, however most people comply. My real resume resembles a dinner menu at a fancy restaurant, however, much like a fancy restaurant, it looks good on paper but really tastes like shit.
It resembles something like this, added are things I wish were there.
CHRISTOPHER KEMMERER
Address : Not at my parents house, but also doesn't give 650 dollars to old man with stained shirt.
Objective: Find job where I can wear the least amount of clothes and get paid millions of dollars.
Education
EMBRY RIDDLE AERONAUTICAL UNIVERSITY – Learned how to fly to eventually sell out to Air Traffic Control. BAC higher than GPA. Successfully had apartment off campus, vacuumed once a semester. Continued buying more underwear to avoid having to do laundry. Got mono.
Work experience
Candy Striper – St Johns Hospital. Was hoping there would be candy, but no dice. Kept uniform.
Deckhand / Sailboat – Resembled Captain Ron played by Patrick Swayze. Had Intercourse with woman on board. Took shirt off twice.
Captain A340-600 Lufthansa German Airlines – Self explanatory.
Actor Disney World – Played WWI German flying ace with pants pulled up to knees and scarf wearing those big goggles for the Indiana Jones show. Fired for wearing outfit in public.
Activities
Water Polo Champion, outside of Fabians Pool.
Interior Decorator of John Antinore's Condo.
Never letting the best things of my life go.
ck needy needy needy.
Tailgate - Closed.
Original:Thursday, October 09, 2008
Tailgate - closed.
I breathed on my monocle and cleaned it fervently with my monogramed handkerchief, a scarlet CWK embroidered in the white cotton. I re-adjusted my top hat and bow tie, and in preparation for greatness i sipped at the crystal tumbler holding three clear ice cubes, battling with all their might against the fire of the brownish liquid that attacked them from all angles.
The discussion : Tailgating.
The PPtrain delivered the line that I could not combat...
"The event is never as great as the tailgate.." Touche, my friend.
The worst part of this discussion was that he was right. I remember our most famous tailgates, from Giants games, to Dave Matthews, to the Belmont Stakes. I can not attest to the Belmont Stakes because going in to the event all I can remember is Grey Goose, Grass, sweat, and pavement.
After further thinking about it, I have to tend to agree. The tailgate is the most exciting part of the event. As the PPTrain even said, " Its quite a letdown [once you enter the venue]"
You prepare yourself weeks before the tailgate. You think about the menu, the beverage selections, the type of appetizers, what type of entertainment, and you even run through the hookup options.
Menu Frozen Burgers/Hotdogs - boring..What you need are fresh sausages with a fresh italian bread, even homemade burgers make the cut.
Beverage There is nothing wrong with cold beer, or keg for the advanced players. Full Bar never hurts.
Entertainment Probably the best entertainment I was able to accomplish was when me and the fabulous Fabe tailgated at the Meadowlands for Dave Matthews. Devoid of a frisbee, football or any type of ball, we improvised and had a putting contest on the pavement. We were flocked with girls, most of them, though, had names like Dee Dee, and Dottie. A couple of the balls dissappeared.
Hook Up Options A girlfriend present is always nice, because its a sure shot of making out during "Dreaming Tree" or when Eli throws to Plex for a TD ( that celebration is reserved for Fabe).
But if you're stag, a friend is always nice. Not just any friend, but someone you think you have a shot with. If you dont have that option, making friends is always important. I like to wander to fellow female tailgaters offering them hot dogs, sausages, or money. Unfortunately you have to sniff out the underage gals, because some of them are out for college guys, ( or guys that were in college 6 years ago.)
Note: If you're a dude, triple kissing with another guy and girl is only ok if you are good friends with the guy and you declare "No homo" before the event ( or within 7 years after the event )
A great idea would be to rent out an old drive in and charge people 10 dollars to park and tailgate. Its everything without the things you dont need - expensive drinks, stuck up girls, class, - but most importantly, the letdown of the end of the game, or that concert that could have sucked.
In the end, you'll always get me selling tie die shirts, or hats at a modest markup. I cant promise I wont eat all the pretzels.
ck Palmer.
Tailgate - closed.
I breathed on my monocle and cleaned it fervently with my monogramed handkerchief, a scarlet CWK embroidered in the white cotton. I re-adjusted my top hat and bow tie, and in preparation for greatness i sipped at the crystal tumbler holding three clear ice cubes, battling with all their might against the fire of the brownish liquid that attacked them from all angles.
The discussion : Tailgating.
The PPtrain delivered the line that I could not combat...
"The event is never as great as the tailgate.." Touche, my friend.
The worst part of this discussion was that he was right. I remember our most famous tailgates, from Giants games, to Dave Matthews, to the Belmont Stakes. I can not attest to the Belmont Stakes because going in to the event all I can remember is Grey Goose, Grass, sweat, and pavement.
After further thinking about it, I have to tend to agree. The tailgate is the most exciting part of the event. As the PPTrain even said, " Its quite a letdown [once you enter the venue]"
You prepare yourself weeks before the tailgate. You think about the menu, the beverage selections, the type of appetizers, what type of entertainment, and you even run through the hookup options.
Menu Frozen Burgers/Hotdogs - boring..What you need are fresh sausages with a fresh italian bread, even homemade burgers make the cut.
Beverage There is nothing wrong with cold beer, or keg for the advanced players. Full Bar never hurts.
Entertainment Probably the best entertainment I was able to accomplish was when me and the fabulous Fabe tailgated at the Meadowlands for Dave Matthews. Devoid of a frisbee, football or any type of ball, we improvised and had a putting contest on the pavement. We were flocked with girls, most of them, though, had names like Dee Dee, and Dottie. A couple of the balls dissappeared.
Hook Up Options A girlfriend present is always nice, because its a sure shot of making out during "Dreaming Tree" or when Eli throws to Plex for a TD ( that celebration is reserved for Fabe).
But if you're stag, a friend is always nice. Not just any friend, but someone you think you have a shot with. If you dont have that option, making friends is always important. I like to wander to fellow female tailgaters offering them hot dogs, sausages, or money. Unfortunately you have to sniff out the underage gals, because some of them are out for college guys, ( or guys that were in college 6 years ago.)
Note: If you're a dude, triple kissing with another guy and girl is only ok if you are good friends with the guy and you declare "No homo" before the event ( or within 7 years after the event )
A great idea would be to rent out an old drive in and charge people 10 dollars to park and tailgate. Its everything without the things you dont need - expensive drinks, stuck up girls, class, - but most importantly, the letdown of the end of the game, or that concert that could have sucked.
In the end, you'll always get me selling tie die shirts, or hats at a modest markup. I cant promise I wont eat all the pretzels.
ck Palmer.
Strength and Honor
Original:Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Strength and Honor
I excitedly looked through the HBO channels to find just about nothing on. I was hoping to order the on-demand feature through the remote, but I think my roomate shut that ability off with the company on the phone. I had a little bit of a problem earlier last month, and lets just say the "Naked News" was on demand for the whole month of September.
Last night we were blessed with the movie Gladiator. Even though most of the movies on HBO we have on DVD, it still gets exciting when you see a good movie on, or coming on in the future. The worst is when you see in an hour that something like "Billy Madison" is coming on and you make plans to watch it, even though its in the DVD case in sight from where you are sitting.
"Oooh honey, Billy Madison is on at 5. We'll start dinner now so we can watch it while eating!" Thinking to yourself, " Im so excited!!!! I love that movie!!!! "
Well I have the opportunity to watch 'Gladiator' at any time, but when its on TV I dont have to go about taking it out of the case, putting it in the player, etc etc. After watching the movie, and realizing that I had the movie all along, I also realized something else that made me feel like such a weirdo.
As normal, I was enjoying my " Its-noon-somewhere "cocktail so I was extra amped up for the film. My 'sauciness' also led me to make out-loud comments during the movie while sitting alone on the couch.
-Scene where Marcus Aurelius asks for Maximus to take over his power after he dies and bring Rome back to a Republic-
"I will empower you to one end alone-- to give power back to the people of Rome..and end the corruptionthat has crippled it. Will you accept this great honor that I have offered you?""With all my heart, no." "Maximus... that is why it must be you."
I am pretending now that I am a servant in the background making some wine or fooling around with spices or a broom and think to myself, " So wise...." as I say this aloud on my couch with a shake of the head.
The next scene Maximus goes outside to think about taking the honor that Marcus has offered. This is where Marcus' daughter enters. In the movie you get the feeling that she wants him, or has had Maximus, and she flirts with him in this scene.
"What did my father want with you? " "To wish me well before I leave for home." "You're lying.I could always tell when you were lyingbecause you were never any good at it." (Sittng legs crossed with my wine I say "Mmm she wants to see how Maximus he is" with a sassy little shake of my neck from side to side. I chuckled - this is where I realized I have been talking to myself.) " I never acquired your comfort with it." - " True.But then you never had to.:"
I let out a soft "Mmmmmmm" under my breath.
I need to get some friends.
ck Charlotte.
Strength and Honor
I excitedly looked through the HBO channels to find just about nothing on. I was hoping to order the on-demand feature through the remote, but I think my roomate shut that ability off with the company on the phone. I had a little bit of a problem earlier last month, and lets just say the "Naked News" was on demand for the whole month of September.
Last night we were blessed with the movie Gladiator. Even though most of the movies on HBO we have on DVD, it still gets exciting when you see a good movie on, or coming on in the future. The worst is when you see in an hour that something like "Billy Madison" is coming on and you make plans to watch it, even though its in the DVD case in sight from where you are sitting.
"Oooh honey, Billy Madison is on at 5. We'll start dinner now so we can watch it while eating!" Thinking to yourself, " Im so excited!!!! I love that movie!!!! "
Well I have the opportunity to watch 'Gladiator' at any time, but when its on TV I dont have to go about taking it out of the case, putting it in the player, etc etc. After watching the movie, and realizing that I had the movie all along, I also realized something else that made me feel like such a weirdo.
As normal, I was enjoying my " Its-noon-somewhere "cocktail so I was extra amped up for the film. My 'sauciness' also led me to make out-loud comments during the movie while sitting alone on the couch.
-Scene where Marcus Aurelius asks for Maximus to take over his power after he dies and bring Rome back to a Republic-
"I will empower you to one end alone-- to give power back to the people of Rome..and end the corruptionthat has crippled it. Will you accept this great honor that I have offered you?""With all my heart, no." "Maximus... that is why it must be you."
I am pretending now that I am a servant in the background making some wine or fooling around with spices or a broom and think to myself, " So wise...." as I say this aloud on my couch with a shake of the head.
The next scene Maximus goes outside to think about taking the honor that Marcus has offered. This is where Marcus' daughter enters. In the movie you get the feeling that she wants him, or has had Maximus, and she flirts with him in this scene.
"What did my father want with you? " "To wish me well before I leave for home." "You're lying.I could always tell when you were lyingbecause you were never any good at it." (Sittng legs crossed with my wine I say "Mmm she wants to see how Maximus he is" with a sassy little shake of my neck from side to side. I chuckled - this is where I realized I have been talking to myself.) " I never acquired your comfort with it." - " True.But then you never had to.:"
I let out a soft "Mmmmmmm" under my breath.
I need to get some friends.
ck Charlotte.
Photo of the Week
Original:Saturday, October 04, 2008
Photo of the Week
My friends Joe, Mike, and Sal celebrating the intoduction of Barilla's new whole wheat pasta.
Grazi Barilla, Molto Grazi..
ck schatze.
Photo of the Week
My friends Joe, Mike, and Sal celebrating the intoduction of Barilla's new whole wheat pasta.
Grazi Barilla, Molto Grazi..
ck schatze.
NKOTB
Original:Friday, October 03, 2008
NKOTB
Man oh man, happy day, celebrate ! They are back ! The New Guys on the Street, how I once referred to them trying to be funny as a 9 year old, have returned bringing back a wonderful medley of Metrosexuality to our lives.
They gave hope to guys that had to bear the name Donnie, and Jonathan or Jon, spelled J-O-N. It gave so many their first kiss at places named " Lookout Point " when it was cool to just touch a boob on the outside of the shirt.
These gentleman were icons for any who's who in the dating world during the 1988-1991 era. Ive interviewed so many who reaped the benefits of songs like "Please Dont Go Girl" and how it changed their night. They all went something like this.
"Please Don't Go Girl"
(talking about Ms. Lefevere's French exam)
Do you have to leave? Please don't go girl I just can't live without you (comment on how jessica nelson has bad b.o. during gym class)Please don't go girl So listen to me... (Don't go, girl) Please don't go girl You would ruin my whole world Tell me you'll stay (eyes meet perspiration begins)
Never ever go away I love you (I love you) I guess I always will (go in for kiss)
Girl, you're my best friend Girl, you're my love within (the kiss - he thinks this is awesome, she thinks his breath smells like fries from Roy Rogers where he took her earlier, but he did say she could have ANYTHING from the menu)
just want you to know That I will always love you Ooh, baby (french kiss - young gentleman feels weird things down below - contemplates making a joke about french kissing and the french exam they talked about earlier to break up the uneasiness of the developing sexual situation)
Tell me you'll stay Never ever go away I need you (I need you) I guess I always will Girl, you're my best friend Girl, you're my love within (heavy petting begins)
just want you to know That I will always love you Ooh, baby (Please don't go girl) I'm gonna always love you girl I'm gonna love you girl until the end of time Tell me girl You're gonna always be mine (odd moment when gentleman squeezes boob a little too hard)Please don't go girl You would ruin my whole world Tell me you'll stay Never ever go away I love you (I love you) I guess I always will Girl, you're my best friend Girl, you're my love within I just want you to know That I will always love you Ooh, baby (girl has had enough - guy stops humping the bench seat of the 81 chevy nova his dad let him borrow, funny leatherish seat material makes awkward fart-ish noise as he settles back down behind the wheel)(Please don't go girl) (Please don't go girl) Please don't go girl (Please don't go girl) Please don't go, baby (Please don't go girl) Please don't go girl (Please don't go girl) Please don't go darlin' (Please don't go girl) Please don't go, baby, no (guy asks girl if she saw where his silver aviator sunglasses fell from atop his head - actually belongs to his dad too)
(follows up with "So how did you like the movie 'Twins'?)
ck cigarette sand bucket.
8:22 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Serendipity
Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. The word has been voted as one of the ten English words that were hardest to translate in June 2004 by a British translation company. (From wikipedia)
ck
NKOTB
Man oh man, happy day, celebrate ! They are back ! The New Guys on the Street, how I once referred to them trying to be funny as a 9 year old, have returned bringing back a wonderful medley of Metrosexuality to our lives.
They gave hope to guys that had to bear the name Donnie, and Jonathan or Jon, spelled J-O-N. It gave so many their first kiss at places named " Lookout Point " when it was cool to just touch a boob on the outside of the shirt.
These gentleman were icons for any who's who in the dating world during the 1988-1991 era. Ive interviewed so many who reaped the benefits of songs like "Please Dont Go Girl" and how it changed their night. They all went something like this.
"Please Don't Go Girl"
(talking about Ms. Lefevere's French exam)
Do you have to leave? Please don't go girl I just can't live without you (comment on how jessica nelson has bad b.o. during gym class)Please don't go girl So listen to me... (Don't go, girl) Please don't go girl You would ruin my whole world Tell me you'll stay (eyes meet perspiration begins)
Never ever go away I love you (I love you) I guess I always will (go in for kiss)
Girl, you're my best friend Girl, you're my love within (the kiss - he thinks this is awesome, she thinks his breath smells like fries from Roy Rogers where he took her earlier, but he did say she could have ANYTHING from the menu)
just want you to know That I will always love you Ooh, baby (french kiss - young gentleman feels weird things down below - contemplates making a joke about french kissing and the french exam they talked about earlier to break up the uneasiness of the developing sexual situation)
Tell me you'll stay Never ever go away I need you (I need you) I guess I always will Girl, you're my best friend Girl, you're my love within (heavy petting begins)
just want you to know That I will always love you Ooh, baby (Please don't go girl) I'm gonna always love you girl I'm gonna love you girl until the end of time Tell me girl You're gonna always be mine (odd moment when gentleman squeezes boob a little too hard)Please don't go girl You would ruin my whole world Tell me you'll stay Never ever go away I love you (I love you) I guess I always will Girl, you're my best friend Girl, you're my love within I just want you to know That I will always love you Ooh, baby (girl has had enough - guy stops humping the bench seat of the 81 chevy nova his dad let him borrow, funny leatherish seat material makes awkward fart-ish noise as he settles back down behind the wheel)(Please don't go girl) (Please don't go girl) Please don't go girl (Please don't go girl) Please don't go, baby (Please don't go girl) Please don't go girl (Please don't go girl) Please don't go darlin' (Please don't go girl) Please don't go, baby, no (guy asks girl if she saw where his silver aviator sunglasses fell from atop his head - actually belongs to his dad too)
(follows up with "So how did you like the movie 'Twins'?)
ck cigarette sand bucket.
8:22 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Serendipity
Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. The word has been voted as one of the ten English words that were hardest to translate in June 2004 by a British translation company. (From wikipedia)
ck
Whats Good in the Male....
Original:Thursday, November 01, 2007
whats good in the male....
I find mail sent to my house addressed as "current resident" to be highly offensive. I spent a long time living in my parent's house trying to find an identity - Now they disrespect the Kemmerer family name by addressing a lovely packet of Home Depot coupons with "Kemmerer or Current Resident" Or Current Resident? Was there a meeting of the Pennysaver Coalition Board Members discussing what happens if the person they have on file no longer lives there?
"Eh, what do we do if the person's name on our coupons don't match the actual person that lives there?" a thinly mustached, Blu Blocker wearing, hairy chest showing, middle aged man says through a cloud of smoke illuminated by a light bulb hanging from the ceiling.
"Why don't we put da name we have…….aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwhhhhhhhh (or) current wresident???" a high pitched, fat guy wearing suspenders says while eating chicken wings and pointing with a finger from his free hand, with big napkin in a diamond shape over his shirt. Then he collects his thoughts and just follows with a heavenly gaze and a reconfirming "yeah…..aaaaaaaawwwwhhhhhhhh."
I want more thought put into my junk mail. If you are going to annoy me with useless KFC coupons, well…I guess not TOTALLY useless…at least show an interest in trying to get me to buy stuff. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not looking to go through 100 pages of coupons to find the 10 percent off the second package purchased of Lady Schicks at Walgreens in the first place. So you're pretty much on my bad side already by showing how little you care about who reads the junk mail.
ck
whats good in the male....
I find mail sent to my house addressed as "current resident" to be highly offensive. I spent a long time living in my parent's house trying to find an identity - Now they disrespect the Kemmerer family name by addressing a lovely packet of Home Depot coupons with "Kemmerer or Current Resident" Or Current Resident? Was there a meeting of the Pennysaver Coalition Board Members discussing what happens if the person they have on file no longer lives there?
"Eh, what do we do if the person's name on our coupons don't match the actual person that lives there?" a thinly mustached, Blu Blocker wearing, hairy chest showing, middle aged man says through a cloud of smoke illuminated by a light bulb hanging from the ceiling.
"Why don't we put da name we have…….aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwhhhhhhhh (or) current wresident???" a high pitched, fat guy wearing suspenders says while eating chicken wings and pointing with a finger from his free hand, with big napkin in a diamond shape over his shirt. Then he collects his thoughts and just follows with a heavenly gaze and a reconfirming "yeah…..aaaaaaaawwwwhhhhhhhh."
I want more thought put into my junk mail. If you are going to annoy me with useless KFC coupons, well…I guess not TOTALLY useless…at least show an interest in trying to get me to buy stuff. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not looking to go through 100 pages of coupons to find the 10 percent off the second package purchased of Lady Schicks at Walgreens in the first place. So you're pretty much on my bad side already by showing how little you care about who reads the junk mail.
ck
Bathroom Fun
Original:Thursday, October 18, 2007
Bathroom Fun
Its the most uncomfortable thing when someone next to you at a urinal passes gas in a public restroom. I usually try not to laugh.
ck
Bathroom Fun
Its the most uncomfortable thing when someone next to you at a urinal passes gas in a public restroom. I usually try not to laugh.
ck
Whats the Deal....
Original:Friday, October 12, 2007
Whats the deal.....
A few weeks ago, during UN week, there was a slew of diplomats in and around New York City. For those that have to deal with NYC traffic, Im sure it was awful, even for those that commute. I think, though, that if you looked at it comedically, it probably was the best episode of every sitcom you have ever seen.
For example, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president who has hinted toward believing things like there was no Holocaust, or that there are no homosexuals in Iran, is the funniest script written by accident. I think SNL or any other sketch comedy show should have eaten that up. Here is a sketch I wrote in my head.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gives his speech, stirring up all different types of reactions. Then he excuses himself and heads towards the restroom, with some of his body gaurds to go number 2. He sits in the middle stall, with body gaurds in the stalls to the left and the right of him. This is where the awkward silence is broken, by Ahmadinejad trying to re-enact the Seinfeld where Elaine runs out of toilet paper and needs help from the stall mates.
"Cant you spare a square?" he says in a thick accent followed by a heartly laugh. " I love that show."
I have never seen an actual UN convention meeting, but I have seen clips on TV. You never see in real life the ethnic garbs that certain shows and movies have mocked. I would love to see the lederhosen or samurai outfits, maybe even the African tribal wear.
I think to spice it up and ease tensions, each country should follow their speech with a cultural presentation, like International Day at St. Francis Prep.
" Esteemed collegues, we must end the war!!! " finishes off a speech with clenched fists pounding on the podium..... "And now for your enjoyment, we have Hans and Lars on the Glockenspiel"
ck
Whats the deal.....
A few weeks ago, during UN week, there was a slew of diplomats in and around New York City. For those that have to deal with NYC traffic, Im sure it was awful, even for those that commute. I think, though, that if you looked at it comedically, it probably was the best episode of every sitcom you have ever seen.
For example, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president who has hinted toward believing things like there was no Holocaust, or that there are no homosexuals in Iran, is the funniest script written by accident. I think SNL or any other sketch comedy show should have eaten that up. Here is a sketch I wrote in my head.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad gives his speech, stirring up all different types of reactions. Then he excuses himself and heads towards the restroom, with some of his body gaurds to go number 2. He sits in the middle stall, with body gaurds in the stalls to the left and the right of him. This is where the awkward silence is broken, by Ahmadinejad trying to re-enact the Seinfeld where Elaine runs out of toilet paper and needs help from the stall mates.
"Cant you spare a square?" he says in a thick accent followed by a heartly laugh. " I love that show."
I have never seen an actual UN convention meeting, but I have seen clips on TV. You never see in real life the ethnic garbs that certain shows and movies have mocked. I would love to see the lederhosen or samurai outfits, maybe even the African tribal wear.
I think to spice it up and ease tensions, each country should follow their speech with a cultural presentation, like International Day at St. Francis Prep.
" Esteemed collegues, we must end the war!!! " finishes off a speech with clenched fists pounding on the podium..... "And now for your enjoyment, we have Hans and Lars on the Glockenspiel"
ck
Mad Ups to AK
Original:Friday, October 05, 2007
Mad ups to Arlene Kemmerer
Tuesday evening AK was yelling from the Den to put on channel 31. It appears Perfect Strangers is back in syndication, and has a new home on the Season Pass Manager from my Tivo. For those of you with Direct TV, it is shadowed on channel 305, called ION.
Balki is so innocent, a far bend from the current Bronson Pinchot, whos last TV appearance was on the Surreal Life on VH1. I think he was trying to bang that old model lady.
I think that the next perfect reality TV show should be called Weddings. Videotape the wedding party and show it un-edited. Better yet, they should be played live, this way no one can get out of the nonsense you do being made public.
Recently was the Animal's wedding. I think the total bill could have purchased Luxembourg or perhaps an Indoor Football Team. Sal, I didn't get a gift.
The dancing is by far the funniest part of the night. The only problem I have making fun of people dancing is that I am one of those bad dancers. As I was putting in the ingredients to the perfect dance cake, it ran through my mind how stupid I looked. This cake also had a lot of sweat in it too.
Ingredient 1 : the robot
Ingredient 2 : the F&ck Dance ( where you grind sexually with your partner- funnier if the duo is Phil P and Tursi )
Ingredient 3: The salsa ( Pretend you are latin, or just in touch with Latino flavor. You look ridiculous with your hand on your stomach and moving your hips, but you have a confident, cool gaze on your face, almost expecting someone to come up and say you are a really good salsa dancer - no one ever does because you are awful )
Ingredient 4 : Over the top moves ( you know you are a bad dancer, so you let everyone know that you are goofing around - so you'll go over the top. Moves like the lasso, or the fishing pole-trying-to-catch the other person, maybe even the Russian dance where you cross your arms and kick your legs up ) You and the one guy you know at the party find this funny.
Ingredient 5 : Dance with the same sex ( people will disregard your awful dancing abilities because of your shock value to dance with a member of the same sex - Phil P/Tursi )
Ingredient 6 : Act Italian. ( this might cause you to lose your dress shirt and/or sleeves and immediately hook up on the dance floor )
All the ingredients for a great dance cake.
ck
Mad ups to Arlene Kemmerer
Tuesday evening AK was yelling from the Den to put on channel 31. It appears Perfect Strangers is back in syndication, and has a new home on the Season Pass Manager from my Tivo. For those of you with Direct TV, it is shadowed on channel 305, called ION.
Balki is so innocent, a far bend from the current Bronson Pinchot, whos last TV appearance was on the Surreal Life on VH1. I think he was trying to bang that old model lady.
I think that the next perfect reality TV show should be called Weddings. Videotape the wedding party and show it un-edited. Better yet, they should be played live, this way no one can get out of the nonsense you do being made public.
Recently was the Animal's wedding. I think the total bill could have purchased Luxembourg or perhaps an Indoor Football Team. Sal, I didn't get a gift.
The dancing is by far the funniest part of the night. The only problem I have making fun of people dancing is that I am one of those bad dancers. As I was putting in the ingredients to the perfect dance cake, it ran through my mind how stupid I looked. This cake also had a lot of sweat in it too.
Ingredient 1 : the robot
Ingredient 2 : the F&ck Dance ( where you grind sexually with your partner- funnier if the duo is Phil P and Tursi )
Ingredient 3: The salsa ( Pretend you are latin, or just in touch with Latino flavor. You look ridiculous with your hand on your stomach and moving your hips, but you have a confident, cool gaze on your face, almost expecting someone to come up and say you are a really good salsa dancer - no one ever does because you are awful )
Ingredient 4 : Over the top moves ( you know you are a bad dancer, so you let everyone know that you are goofing around - so you'll go over the top. Moves like the lasso, or the fishing pole-trying-to-catch the other person, maybe even the Russian dance where you cross your arms and kick your legs up ) You and the one guy you know at the party find this funny.
Ingredient 5 : Dance with the same sex ( people will disregard your awful dancing abilities because of your shock value to dance with a member of the same sex - Phil P/Tursi )
Ingredient 6 : Act Italian. ( this might cause you to lose your dress shirt and/or sleeves and immediately hook up on the dance floor )
All the ingredients for a great dance cake.
ck
Show Me How its Done Sir
Original:Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Show me how its done sir.
I am really missing ABC's TGIF lineup from the early 90's. Perhaps some of the greatest shows of our generation have been showcased on that network. Long before you could find 10 year old's standing on streetcorners, smoking marajuana cigarettes, they used to be at home, sitting with their grandparents watching TGIF. Like me, a good boy.
I used to get all excited to see who was the host for this week's TGIF, since one show's cast would host for the whole evening. It even had a theme song "Its Friday Night, and the mood is right, Gonna have some fun, show you how its done, T-G-I-F"
Show me how it's done sir.
Perfect Strangers was by far the greatest show ever to have been in the 'TGIF' lineup. They went up against heavy hitters like "Growing Pains", "Who's the Boss" and "Full House" but in my book - P S, was the best of all.
Sometimes you have those days when you are forced to grow up and you have to come to grips with reality. That day was when I find out the difference between Season Finale, and Series Finale. There were tears shed that friday night, upstate, on a fishing vacation with my grandparents. They said it was the Series Finale of Perfect Strangers and I had to ask how that was different from Season Finale.
I cried. Hard.
I remember the show, "Just the Ten of Us" and how the main character's head looked like a basketball, and that reminded me of how he was a basketball coach, even when he started out on "Growing Pains."
http://www.delafont.com/comedians/Bill-Kirchenbauer.htm
He also had the annoying voice, and wore sweatpants with the whistle. I think I also used to have that basketball reference in my mind, because he had one of those round stomachs. Almost like somebody who pulled sweatpants up to their chest and then placed a round ball, like a basketball, over the stomach area.
There were many shows that made it into the TGIF lineup, but some of them never stuck like our favorites. It's amazing how Perfect Strangers never made it onto DVD. You can even research these shows on the internet, and find out what their status is. Apparantly you can put yourself on an email alert list for when, if ever, Perfect Strangers comes out on DVD.
I gave "Step by Step" a fair shot, because I liked Cody. Cody used to live in a van in the driveway and was into the daughter Dana. I later found out, that he beat his wife in real life. That fact stuck with me, and how my neighbor mike told me about that all excited for some reason.
"Mr Belvedere" was great, and I wished I could have coupled Bob Ueker's "Major League" charachter with his on the show. I always wanted to hear what it would be like to hear Mr. Belvedere curse.
I miss those days alot, and watching those shows and others, like " Golden Girls" with my grandmother when I used to sleep over their house on the weekends.
But I was never allowed to watch Family Matters.
Show me how its done sir.
I am really missing ABC's TGIF lineup from the early 90's. Perhaps some of the greatest shows of our generation have been showcased on that network. Long before you could find 10 year old's standing on streetcorners, smoking marajuana cigarettes, they used to be at home, sitting with their grandparents watching TGIF. Like me, a good boy.
I used to get all excited to see who was the host for this week's TGIF, since one show's cast would host for the whole evening. It even had a theme song "Its Friday Night, and the mood is right, Gonna have some fun, show you how its done, T-G-I-F"
Show me how it's done sir.
Perfect Strangers was by far the greatest show ever to have been in the 'TGIF' lineup. They went up against heavy hitters like "Growing Pains", "Who's the Boss" and "Full House" but in my book - P S, was the best of all.
Sometimes you have those days when you are forced to grow up and you have to come to grips with reality. That day was when I find out the difference between Season Finale, and Series Finale. There were tears shed that friday night, upstate, on a fishing vacation with my grandparents. They said it was the Series Finale of Perfect Strangers and I had to ask how that was different from Season Finale.
I cried. Hard.
I remember the show, "Just the Ten of Us" and how the main character's head looked like a basketball, and that reminded me of how he was a basketball coach, even when he started out on "Growing Pains."
http://www.delafont.com/comedians/Bill-Kirchenbauer.htm
He also had the annoying voice, and wore sweatpants with the whistle. I think I also used to have that basketball reference in my mind, because he had one of those round stomachs. Almost like somebody who pulled sweatpants up to their chest and then placed a round ball, like a basketball, over the stomach area.
There were many shows that made it into the TGIF lineup, but some of them never stuck like our favorites. It's amazing how Perfect Strangers never made it onto DVD. You can even research these shows on the internet, and find out what their status is. Apparantly you can put yourself on an email alert list for when, if ever, Perfect Strangers comes out on DVD.
I gave "Step by Step" a fair shot, because I liked Cody. Cody used to live in a van in the driveway and was into the daughter Dana. I later found out, that he beat his wife in real life. That fact stuck with me, and how my neighbor mike told me about that all excited for some reason.
"Mr Belvedere" was great, and I wished I could have coupled Bob Ueker's "Major League" charachter with his on the show. I always wanted to hear what it would be like to hear Mr. Belvedere curse.
I miss those days alot, and watching those shows and others, like " Golden Girls" with my grandmother when I used to sleep over their house on the weekends.
But I was never allowed to watch Family Matters.
Perfect Strangers Theme Song Lyrics "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now"
Sometimes the world looks perfect Nothin' to rearrange Sometimes you just Get a feelin' like you need some kind of change Standin' tall On the wings of my dream Rise and fall On the wings of my dream Rain and thunder, the wind and haze I'm bound for better days It's my life It's my dream Nothin's gonna stop me nowOn the wings of my dream Rain and thunder, the wind and haze I'm bound for better days It's my life It's my dream Nothin's gonna stop me now
CK
Sometimes the world looks perfect Nothin' to rearrange Sometimes you just Get a feelin' like you need some kind of change Standin' tall On the wings of my dream Rise and fall On the wings of my dream Rain and thunder, the wind and haze I'm bound for better days It's my life It's my dream Nothin's gonna stop me nowOn the wings of my dream Rain and thunder, the wind and haze I'm bound for better days It's my life It's my dream Nothin's gonna stop me now
CK
Elbows and Assholes
Original:Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Elbows and Assholes
I am not a cat man. Id prefer to call myself a dog person, even though I never had one. I remember 10 plus years ago walking a family member's dog and getting ready to pick up its shit with a mere paper towel. I thought is was gross and mushy but not as gross as when the towel didnt do the right thing and the shit hit my hand. It seemed by grabbing it I cracked one of those glow sticks that only illuminate when you snap it. The shit, when cracked, created an unholy smell, that can only be created by a steady diet of grass and remnants of other animals shit. This was the one and only times Ive ever gagged, contrary to popular belief.
My girlfriend's roomate has a cat who is very friendly. I dont mind this cat, since it seems to give back some affection. The only problem is that when he jumps on me, he turns around and sticks that gross ass hole in my face. If I had a gold watch I would stick it in your face constantly, but this cat seems to think he has a gold watch under his tail.
Its funny because the cat looks at you like he's doing you a favor by showing you this hole where his shit comes out of. He turns his head back to look at you while posing, almost like hes saying "Im only doing this for you."
Cats also refuse to take hints. Gets on the bed, gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
I would love to figure out what this cat is thinking in its mind. Although I wouldnt be surprised if they were doing it on purpose.
I love the look that cats make when you meow at them. Almost like " Holy Shit, you speak cat!! " Cats are the most uninterested animals ever, but if you meow at them they look at you like you just came in through the ceiling, Its like they have to shake their head in disbelief . Then look back shocked that you can speak their language, sometimes with their mouth open.
Then they meow at you back saying " So are you mad that I call you fat ass?"
ck
Elbows and Assholes
I am not a cat man. Id prefer to call myself a dog person, even though I never had one. I remember 10 plus years ago walking a family member's dog and getting ready to pick up its shit with a mere paper towel. I thought is was gross and mushy but not as gross as when the towel didnt do the right thing and the shit hit my hand. It seemed by grabbing it I cracked one of those glow sticks that only illuminate when you snap it. The shit, when cracked, created an unholy smell, that can only be created by a steady diet of grass and remnants of other animals shit. This was the one and only times Ive ever gagged, contrary to popular belief.
My girlfriend's roomate has a cat who is very friendly. I dont mind this cat, since it seems to give back some affection. The only problem is that when he jumps on me, he turns around and sticks that gross ass hole in my face. If I had a gold watch I would stick it in your face constantly, but this cat seems to think he has a gold watch under his tail.
Its funny because the cat looks at you like he's doing you a favor by showing you this hole where his shit comes out of. He turns his head back to look at you while posing, almost like hes saying "Im only doing this for you."
Cats also refuse to take hints. Gets on the bed, gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
I would love to figure out what this cat is thinking in its mind. Although I wouldnt be surprised if they were doing it on purpose.
I love the look that cats make when you meow at them. Almost like " Holy Shit, you speak cat!! " Cats are the most uninterested animals ever, but if you meow at them they look at you like you just came in through the ceiling, Its like they have to shake their head in disbelief . Then look back shocked that you can speak their language, sometimes with their mouth open.
Then they meow at you back saying " So are you mad that I call you fat ass?"
ck
4 Ways
Original:Wednesday, October 11, 2006
4 Ways
There is an immense amount of comedy in this world. Sometimes it's really hard to make something funny but normally there is always something funny going on.
One of the funniest moments I've had recently had me in shock. It was so funny, but beyond a level where I couldnt even get a "ha" to come out of my mouth. It was at a four way stop sign clusterfuck, and nobody had any clue whos turn it was. At these four way stops I am taking notes of who stopped when and who is next up. I am so obnoxious about it, that I keep driving right through if someone cuts my turn, so that the owness is on them to stop or veer or go right into me. This, though, is coming from the same person who refuses to send back a meal when its completely the wrong order.
I believe it was the person in front of me's turn to proceed, but for whatever reason they did not go. It looked like they were in the game, but they just didnt go. I saw the driver smoking a cigarette. The person to the left of us then decided to go and then the person in front of me decided to go. Both of the parties stopped and had that akward stop and go, almost as if the car is saying "oops ( stop-lurch) ooops (stop-lurch)" When the woman on the left decided to proceed through the intersection she motioned to the driver in front of me with the greatest gesture ever. No it was not the "finger" or "the bird" It was better.
She gestured as if she was smoking an imaginary cigarette, mockingly looking at the car's driver who was smoking. But she did it in such a way as if she was off broadway playing some 80 year old rich woman who smoked cigarettes out of a holder. She extended her arm out and kept it straight, bending only at the elbow back and forth bringing her hand to her mouth rapidly. She also leaned in the cars direction, doing over the lap of her passenger. If only I got that on tape.
ck
4 Ways
There is an immense amount of comedy in this world. Sometimes it's really hard to make something funny but normally there is always something funny going on.
One of the funniest moments I've had recently had me in shock. It was so funny, but beyond a level where I couldnt even get a "ha" to come out of my mouth. It was at a four way stop sign clusterfuck, and nobody had any clue whos turn it was. At these four way stops I am taking notes of who stopped when and who is next up. I am so obnoxious about it, that I keep driving right through if someone cuts my turn, so that the owness is on them to stop or veer or go right into me. This, though, is coming from the same person who refuses to send back a meal when its completely the wrong order.
I believe it was the person in front of me's turn to proceed, but for whatever reason they did not go. It looked like they were in the game, but they just didnt go. I saw the driver smoking a cigarette. The person to the left of us then decided to go and then the person in front of me decided to go. Both of the parties stopped and had that akward stop and go, almost as if the car is saying "oops ( stop-lurch) ooops (stop-lurch)" When the woman on the left decided to proceed through the intersection she motioned to the driver in front of me with the greatest gesture ever. No it was not the "finger" or "the bird" It was better.
She gestured as if she was smoking an imaginary cigarette, mockingly looking at the car's driver who was smoking. But she did it in such a way as if she was off broadway playing some 80 year old rich woman who smoked cigarettes out of a holder. She extended her arm out and kept it straight, bending only at the elbow back and forth bringing her hand to her mouth rapidly. She also leaned in the cars direction, doing over the lap of her passenger. If only I got that on tape.
ck
Makes You Want to go Uggh
Original:Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Makes you want to go uggh
Hi everyone,
I've been away for a while because I have had writers block. I didn't know what to say, I didnt really care about the people around me and the comedy gold they were creating, Sometimes there are times though where you look back on doing something and get goosebumps from being such a weirdo. Today I caught myself doing such that.
There was a group of older collegues standing near me at work. About 3 of them. They were close, and they were the senior people on the shift, definetly the cool table at high school, except these people smell like moth balls and are wearing jeans from 83. I found myself doing nothing at the time so I was slouched in my swivel chair and aimed in their direction, crotch open at a 50 degree angle. They were making jokes, but me, being the dufus that I am, tried hard to make sure they knew I was listening to the jokes and laughing. I quickly thought about all of us at a waterfront bar, laughing together with me in the middle, umbrella drinks in hand. Then I search for the waiter, make a circle with my hands and then mouth silently " on me. "
So I had realized that I was being a loser, and was preparing to jump in at the right moment with my own witty retort. Instead I snapped out of my trance, because I realized I was gazing at them with a glaze in my eye and my mouth curled into a Joker like smile - the corners almost going straight up. My tongue was at the edge of my lips with moisture gathering. I realized I had looked like a moron and quickly turned around.
and here I am again.
ck
Makes you want to go uggh
Hi everyone,
I've been away for a while because I have had writers block. I didn't know what to say, I didnt really care about the people around me and the comedy gold they were creating, Sometimes there are times though where you look back on doing something and get goosebumps from being such a weirdo. Today I caught myself doing such that.
There was a group of older collegues standing near me at work. About 3 of them. They were close, and they were the senior people on the shift, definetly the cool table at high school, except these people smell like moth balls and are wearing jeans from 83. I found myself doing nothing at the time so I was slouched in my swivel chair and aimed in their direction, crotch open at a 50 degree angle. They were making jokes, but me, being the dufus that I am, tried hard to make sure they knew I was listening to the jokes and laughing. I quickly thought about all of us at a waterfront bar, laughing together with me in the middle, umbrella drinks in hand. Then I search for the waiter, make a circle with my hands and then mouth silently " on me. "
So I had realized that I was being a loser, and was preparing to jump in at the right moment with my own witty retort. Instead I snapped out of my trance, because I realized I was gazing at them with a glaze in my eye and my mouth curled into a Joker like smile - the corners almost going straight up. My tongue was at the edge of my lips with moisture gathering. I realized I had looked like a moron and quickly turned around.
and here I am again.
ck
Interpretations
Original:Friday, May 12, 2006
Interpretations
Last evening there was quite a large thunderstorm. It was strange because I think it was the first T-Storm or "TS", as I like to call them, of the year. I was drinking wine last night, and since Ive started to try to get fucked up on wine, my nervous system has been acting a little strange.
There was a gigantic boom last night that sent me into panic mode because I had my strange wine buzz on, and I was also dreaming. Think about when you are awaken by someone and you have a conversation with them. You know what was said, but you cant remember it exactly happening. Combine that with my wine-o buzz and you have weirdness.
I woke up a split second before this gigantic boom. Then there was KA-BOOOM!!! I think everyone in my neighborhood woke to this, and those who are reading this that live around me might attest to it. This boom was so loud that it sounded like a bomb, and it set off many alarms. I then started to panic as I usually do at 3 am when I am awake, expecting aliens or ghosts to be hanging out in my room.
Sometimes when I get nervous about being visited by ghosts or aliens I try to think about what my mother might say. " Like ghosts and aliens have nothing better to do than to hang out in your dirty room in the middle of the night."
I kept searching around my room and thinking that this was a sonic boom from an 'Independence Day' Alien ship and that this was it. Then my mind started to rapidly wander and here's what I remember from the dream that followed.
I started to dream that the boom was from a pirate ship. And that an effeminate sailor on the ship shot off a canon to spite the other mates who never let him fire the canon. And I would pay anything to remember the witty one liner that the sailor said. I think there are ties to the character Jack from Will and Grace since I was watching that earlier. I remember the sailor wore a pirate style doo rag on his head, and there was a sash as well around his torso.
Open to interpretation. Be gentle.
ck
Interpretations
Last evening there was quite a large thunderstorm. It was strange because I think it was the first T-Storm or "TS", as I like to call them, of the year. I was drinking wine last night, and since Ive started to try to get fucked up on wine, my nervous system has been acting a little strange.
There was a gigantic boom last night that sent me into panic mode because I had my strange wine buzz on, and I was also dreaming. Think about when you are awaken by someone and you have a conversation with them. You know what was said, but you cant remember it exactly happening. Combine that with my wine-o buzz and you have weirdness.
I woke up a split second before this gigantic boom. Then there was KA-BOOOM!!! I think everyone in my neighborhood woke to this, and those who are reading this that live around me might attest to it. This boom was so loud that it sounded like a bomb, and it set off many alarms. I then started to panic as I usually do at 3 am when I am awake, expecting aliens or ghosts to be hanging out in my room.
Sometimes when I get nervous about being visited by ghosts or aliens I try to think about what my mother might say. " Like ghosts and aliens have nothing better to do than to hang out in your dirty room in the middle of the night."
I kept searching around my room and thinking that this was a sonic boom from an 'Independence Day' Alien ship and that this was it. Then my mind started to rapidly wander and here's what I remember from the dream that followed.
I started to dream that the boom was from a pirate ship. And that an effeminate sailor on the ship shot off a canon to spite the other mates who never let him fire the canon. And I would pay anything to remember the witty one liner that the sailor said. I think there are ties to the character Jack from Will and Grace since I was watching that earlier. I remember the sailor wore a pirate style doo rag on his head, and there was a sash as well around his torso.
Open to interpretation. Be gentle.
ck
Beep Beep Dude Dude
Original:Friday, April 28, 2006
Beep beep dude dude
My place of work is out on Long Island, about 45 miles from my home base. Since I have this long commute, I've dealt with lots of driving issues, like eating and driving, dipping and driving, watching out for crazy drivers, watching crazy drivers. When you are in a car that long, you discover yourself.
People sometimes get a little crazy on the road though. Sometimes I am in a rush and I'll get all crazy with them. Sometimes I'm not all the crazy and just like to sit with the cruise control on and listen to my melodies or talk radio. I have always wanted to get into a talk radio show where I could say "You go girl" and really mean it.
There have been certain situations though where people get crazy and they start to annoy me. So your friend here now has a dangerous but really spiteful move for those that pass me.
Now you have to be sure that the car behind you is going to want to do the annoyed lookover, that so many of us do ourselves. You know, that move similar to the half turn or full turn at a restaraunt or movie theater you give to annoying people. So if you have any thought that you are going to get this move done to you - here's what I have done.
When the car is accelerating past you, keep your eyes on the road until you see the car come up next to you. Then lay your head on your right shoulder and pretend that you are sleeping ( make sure you are watching the road ). So that when the person is going to give you the half turn or full turn annoyed look, the person will be shocked to discover that you are asleep!
You can not really enjoy the person's reaction because you are facing away from them doing this charade. So you can just imagine this and get a real kick out of the possible thoughts that are going through the person's head.
Sometimes if I am feeling saucy I will time it perfectly to be resting my head with eyes closed facing the car passing me. I hope its usually an ornery old person who has no business being on the road at all.
I dont recommend doing any of these things as they are extremely dangerous. But here's some more.
I'll steer the car with my knees and have my arms folded looking like i"m thinking.
I'll steer the car with my knees and be eating something with both hands and offer some to the passing car.
Ill have a book in my hands and laugh shaking my head.
I just like to mess with people before they mess with me.
Don't do any of these things.
ck
Beep beep dude dude
My place of work is out on Long Island, about 45 miles from my home base. Since I have this long commute, I've dealt with lots of driving issues, like eating and driving, dipping and driving, watching out for crazy drivers, watching crazy drivers. When you are in a car that long, you discover yourself.
People sometimes get a little crazy on the road though. Sometimes I am in a rush and I'll get all crazy with them. Sometimes I'm not all the crazy and just like to sit with the cruise control on and listen to my melodies or talk radio. I have always wanted to get into a talk radio show where I could say "You go girl" and really mean it.
There have been certain situations though where people get crazy and they start to annoy me. So your friend here now has a dangerous but really spiteful move for those that pass me.
Now you have to be sure that the car behind you is going to want to do the annoyed lookover, that so many of us do ourselves. You know, that move similar to the half turn or full turn at a restaraunt or movie theater you give to annoying people. So if you have any thought that you are going to get this move done to you - here's what I have done.
When the car is accelerating past you, keep your eyes on the road until you see the car come up next to you. Then lay your head on your right shoulder and pretend that you are sleeping ( make sure you are watching the road ). So that when the person is going to give you the half turn or full turn annoyed look, the person will be shocked to discover that you are asleep!
You can not really enjoy the person's reaction because you are facing away from them doing this charade. So you can just imagine this and get a real kick out of the possible thoughts that are going through the person's head.
Sometimes if I am feeling saucy I will time it perfectly to be resting my head with eyes closed facing the car passing me. I hope its usually an ornery old person who has no business being on the road at all.
I dont recommend doing any of these things as they are extremely dangerous. But here's some more.
I'll steer the car with my knees and have my arms folded looking like i"m thinking.
I'll steer the car with my knees and be eating something with both hands and offer some to the passing car.
Ill have a book in my hands and laugh shaking my head.
I just like to mess with people before they mess with me.
Don't do any of these things.
ck
The Pizza Man
Original:Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Pizza Man
I am often tormented by sounds that people make with their mouths. I can not stand the slurping, gulping, pouring, or splashing of liquids into an orifice. I don't know what it is exactly that makes me cringe, I guess I liken it to nails on a chalkboard.
I also tune in unwillingly to people breathing and associate it with eating. Like when people take a drink, they inhale deeply with that gulp, increasing my repulsion to the noise. I am never necessarily repulsed by the person, but more by the action. My sister likes to torment me by making these noises, especially while eating cereal. It's alot of gulping and groaning and swallowing, characteristics of my sister's life I am not interested in.
It seems that people I don't know also enjoy these noises. Here's audio:
"uuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhh....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. gulp-aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Everyone has seen this guy. Picture the local pizza joint you go to. Everyone's dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, like Charles' mom's pizza place in 'Charles in Charge'. But at yours there are lots of words flying around like,
"eeeeeyyyyyyyyyy!!!","ooooooooohh!!!","gumad!!","eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh spiceeey", " whoooaaaaa....penne!!!!" "uuzo!!!" thumb forefinger and middle finger facing upward and moving back and forth with a wicked smile making you want to be in on the joke all that more...(shoutout to Sal R and Joe D and Jerry if he's reading)
But today there is a guy in a suit and tie, jacket still on talking like hes one of the guys, in a sea of t-shirts and jeans. He's the guy folding the slice unsuccessfully with a napkin. ASSHOLE. And when he finally figures it out he lifts it to his face ( mid "haaaa" laugh and eyebrows raised at the person across from him ) and the slice slowly falls at the end like a dick losing an erection ( Ive heard thats what it looks like....a-hem....)
The man now needs to act fast so he sticks his tongue out like Gene Simmons in KISS, to try to tongue the pointed slice of pizza into his mouth. He wiggles and twists his head, still trying to act involved in the conversation, and tries to catch the end of it before it goes completely vertical and the cheese slides down onto his pants. Only bad can come from that, because then the sea of t-shirts and jeans will finally figure out he's wearing a suit and ask him why he is in the middle of a pizza place.
The tongue is reaching out further and further until the moment of repulsion. But alas! Success! There's nothing cool about a napkin on the end of a slice of pizza.
So the moral of the story. Don't be that guy cause it might annoy me.
ck
Pizza Man
I am often tormented by sounds that people make with their mouths. I can not stand the slurping, gulping, pouring, or splashing of liquids into an orifice. I don't know what it is exactly that makes me cringe, I guess I liken it to nails on a chalkboard.
I also tune in unwillingly to people breathing and associate it with eating. Like when people take a drink, they inhale deeply with that gulp, increasing my repulsion to the noise. I am never necessarily repulsed by the person, but more by the action. My sister likes to torment me by making these noises, especially while eating cereal. It's alot of gulping and groaning and swallowing, characteristics of my sister's life I am not interested in.
It seems that people I don't know also enjoy these noises. Here's audio:
"uuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhh....mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. gulp-aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Everyone has seen this guy. Picture the local pizza joint you go to. Everyone's dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, like Charles' mom's pizza place in 'Charles in Charge'. But at yours there are lots of words flying around like,
"eeeeeyyyyyyyyyy!!!","ooooooooohh!!!","gumad!!","eeeeeeeeehhhhhhh spiceeey", " whoooaaaaa....penne!!!!" "uuzo!!!" thumb forefinger and middle finger facing upward and moving back and forth with a wicked smile making you want to be in on the joke all that more...(shoutout to Sal R and Joe D and Jerry if he's reading)
But today there is a guy in a suit and tie, jacket still on talking like hes one of the guys, in a sea of t-shirts and jeans. He's the guy folding the slice unsuccessfully with a napkin. ASSHOLE. And when he finally figures it out he lifts it to his face ( mid "haaaa" laugh and eyebrows raised at the person across from him ) and the slice slowly falls at the end like a dick losing an erection ( Ive heard thats what it looks like....a-hem....)
The man now needs to act fast so he sticks his tongue out like Gene Simmons in KISS, to try to tongue the pointed slice of pizza into his mouth. He wiggles and twists his head, still trying to act involved in the conversation, and tries to catch the end of it before it goes completely vertical and the cheese slides down onto his pants. Only bad can come from that, because then the sea of t-shirts and jeans will finally figure out he's wearing a suit and ask him why he is in the middle of a pizza place.
The tongue is reaching out further and further until the moment of repulsion. But alas! Success! There's nothing cool about a napkin on the end of a slice of pizza.
So the moral of the story. Don't be that guy cause it might annoy me.
ck
Barber Shop Blog 3
Original:Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Only Because It really happened
I have given up on my hair. I cut it to an inch on top and whatever a 3 is for the sides. I got the same barber as last time, and the first words out of his mouth, obviously not remembering me was, " how oldt are you?"
I knew right away what path we were on, and he proceeded to explain to me about his son in law, who is completely ' baldch ' but has an incredibly hairy chest. then he screamed " LIKE MONKEY "
Is this guy working his material on his customers? or am I just prone to hearing about his son in law? Then we took a break from the side splitting comedy when he told me that I should not worry about ' whats on my heachd ' but rather ' whats in my heachd.' I was hoping for some light piano music in the background.
I just wanted him to cut the hair and Id go on my merry way. I thought the torture was supposed to be dealing with my hair, not while getting it cut.
And it was the annoyance of him thinking that he was doing me a favor, by letting me in a big secret. It was almost as if he had no clue that I knew my hair was getting thinner. Leaning in close to me and breathing, saying, " Barber cant only be barber, must be....eh..........eh ( searching for word for about 30 seconds)...eh...artist"
ck
Only Because It really happened
I have given up on my hair. I cut it to an inch on top and whatever a 3 is for the sides. I got the same barber as last time, and the first words out of his mouth, obviously not remembering me was, " how oldt are you?"
I knew right away what path we were on, and he proceeded to explain to me about his son in law, who is completely ' baldch ' but has an incredibly hairy chest. then he screamed " LIKE MONKEY "
Is this guy working his material on his customers? or am I just prone to hearing about his son in law? Then we took a break from the side splitting comedy when he told me that I should not worry about ' whats on my heachd ' but rather ' whats in my heachd.' I was hoping for some light piano music in the background.
I just wanted him to cut the hair and Id go on my merry way. I thought the torture was supposed to be dealing with my hair, not while getting it cut.
And it was the annoyance of him thinking that he was doing me a favor, by letting me in a big secret. It was almost as if he had no clue that I knew my hair was getting thinner. Leaning in close to me and breathing, saying, " Barber cant only be barber, must be....eh..........eh ( searching for word for about 30 seconds)...eh...artist"
ck
Barber Shop Blog 2
Original:Sunday, March 05, 2006
Another Haircut Blog
I know its overdone, but this one was real good.
I visited the Russians for my haircut again. Ive noticed that upon entering, they all stare at me, and it almost seems like they are anticipating me not being there for a haircut.
My previous visit involved my barber watching "Alexander" the movie, while cutting my hair. He told me the whole time about how everyone was gay back then, and then he told me how to say 'gay person' in Russian, all without me asking. He did a good job, but for my last visit he was not available.
The only available barber asked me if I wanted a haircut.....(pause)....... I was too tired to be sarcastic, and also realized that it may not be a good idea to ridicule someone that is going to have control of my appearance.
He didnt speak English well, but he knew the words and formulated sentences as much as he could. He spoke through slit eyes, and in a tone where he thought i was hiding something from him. He asked about my work, and I told him what I did, and for all intents and purposes I work in the aviation field. He proceeded to tell me about how his brother in law drove the airplane. ( animated by him making a motion resembling driving a bus )
At one point he paused and quietly said with a nod " So, you lose hair... " and in such a way as if he had just fucked a supermodel but the press cant know about it. He excitedly told me about another family member who was bald by 25 but apparantly had a lot of body hair. Then he said as if he was performing standup and laughing at his own joke, "He take shirt off at beach, he was hairy....LIKE MONKEY " As he delivered the punchline, his voice grew louder with a chuckle.
I could write a book on this place, but I wont, at least until they start assuming that Im there for a haircut and not anything else.
"its gold jerry!"
ck
Another Haircut Blog
I know its overdone, but this one was real good.
I visited the Russians for my haircut again. Ive noticed that upon entering, they all stare at me, and it almost seems like they are anticipating me not being there for a haircut.
My previous visit involved my barber watching "Alexander" the movie, while cutting my hair. He told me the whole time about how everyone was gay back then, and then he told me how to say 'gay person' in Russian, all without me asking. He did a good job, but for my last visit he was not available.
The only available barber asked me if I wanted a haircut.....(pause)....... I was too tired to be sarcastic, and also realized that it may not be a good idea to ridicule someone that is going to have control of my appearance.
He didnt speak English well, but he knew the words and formulated sentences as much as he could. He spoke through slit eyes, and in a tone where he thought i was hiding something from him. He asked about my work, and I told him what I did, and for all intents and purposes I work in the aviation field. He proceeded to tell me about how his brother in law drove the airplane. ( animated by him making a motion resembling driving a bus )
At one point he paused and quietly said with a nod " So, you lose hair... " and in such a way as if he had just fucked a supermodel but the press cant know about it. He excitedly told me about another family member who was bald by 25 but apparantly had a lot of body hair. Then he said as if he was performing standup and laughing at his own joke, "He take shirt off at beach, he was hairy....LIKE MONKEY " As he delivered the punchline, his voice grew louder with a chuckle.
I could write a book on this place, but I wont, at least until they start assuming that Im there for a haircut and not anything else.
"its gold jerry!"
ck
Remember the Ellen DeGeneres Show
Original:Monday, February 20, 2006
remember the ellen degeneres show
Im starting this blog off with a joke that I heard on the old Ellen Degeneres Show, and when I heard it I remembered thinking that it was something I could dont too.
They were talking about eating and gaining weight - perhaps losing weight. She said " why can't I just wear baggy clothes." I remember sitting there with my bowl of melted cheese and extra crispy bacon strips and dunked away with satisfaction that Ellen was awesome and right.
The other day at the gym I decided that I should be more popular. So I started saying hi to people all over the place, sometimes substituting the audible "hi" with a quick head nod, or sometimes the more quizzical eyebrow raise, which really doesn't lock me into a relationship as much as the head raise acknowlegement.
I think that the quizzical eyebrow raise works alot more to my advantage, and it is much less effort. All I have to do is pretend to look shocked, raide the eyebrows, and perhaps a quick shoulder shrug.
Its hard to react when someone says something and you dont know what they said or what to say back. In actuality you may not even care. The quizzical eyebrow raise could save you in the situation as well. If someone is asking you a question, it will work. If someone made a joke it also works as a reaction.
When you just dont know what the hell they said, my favorite move is the "shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move. So if you cant understand what they said it will work in many situations. The person could have said something serious, asked a question, or made a joke. Here are some examples.
You hear, "the trees when they just will (sigh)" In reality, :"It seems she died"
"shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move will work
make sure the chuckle is never too loud or embellished, but instead like if you would react if you were old and your old friend was talking about vandals spraypainting. ( add a "get out of here" hand gesture)
You hear," Plinging down and down with the trains" In reality,"I think im coming down with that strain"
"shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move will work
You hear " That devil has blue hair." In reality, " How long have you been working there?"
"shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move will work
They could easily take it as you are disgusted by your job and you really don't want to talk about it. If you're lucky they will come up with a follow up qurestion, and you'll figure out what the original statement was.
I know you could just ask the person to repeat whatever they said, but this works much better if you don't have the energy or simply just don't care. It usually works the best with a joke, especially when someone like your barber makes one and you can't understand through the accent.
ck
remember the ellen degeneres show
Im starting this blog off with a joke that I heard on the old Ellen Degeneres Show, and when I heard it I remembered thinking that it was something I could dont too.
They were talking about eating and gaining weight - perhaps losing weight. She said " why can't I just wear baggy clothes." I remember sitting there with my bowl of melted cheese and extra crispy bacon strips and dunked away with satisfaction that Ellen was awesome and right.
The other day at the gym I decided that I should be more popular. So I started saying hi to people all over the place, sometimes substituting the audible "hi" with a quick head nod, or sometimes the more quizzical eyebrow raise, which really doesn't lock me into a relationship as much as the head raise acknowlegement.
I think that the quizzical eyebrow raise works alot more to my advantage, and it is much less effort. All I have to do is pretend to look shocked, raide the eyebrows, and perhaps a quick shoulder shrug.
Its hard to react when someone says something and you dont know what they said or what to say back. In actuality you may not even care. The quizzical eyebrow raise could save you in the situation as well. If someone is asking you a question, it will work. If someone made a joke it also works as a reaction.
When you just dont know what the hell they said, my favorite move is the "shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move. So if you cant understand what they said it will work in many situations. The person could have said something serious, asked a question, or made a joke. Here are some examples.
You hear, "the trees when they just will (sigh)" In reality, :"It seems she died"
"shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move will work
make sure the chuckle is never too loud or embellished, but instead like if you would react if you were old and your old friend was talking about vandals spraypainting. ( add a "get out of here" hand gesture)
You hear," Plinging down and down with the trains" In reality,"I think im coming down with that strain"
"shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move will work
You hear " That devil has blue hair." In reality, " How long have you been working there?"
"shake your head-sigh-and chuckle in disbelief" move will work
They could easily take it as you are disgusted by your job and you really don't want to talk about it. If you're lucky they will come up with a follow up qurestion, and you'll figure out what the original statement was.
I know you could just ask the person to repeat whatever they said, but this works much better if you don't have the energy or simply just don't care. It usually works the best with a joke, especially when someone like your barber makes one and you can't understand through the accent.
ck
Chain Letters
Original:Friday, February 10, 2006
Chain Letters
I dont knock anyone who decides to repost chain letters, since most of the ones that do are my good friends. I have never reposted a chain letter, and am happy to report that my car has not needed a transmission flush, and the seams in the crotch of pants have not ripped contrary to the warnings of the letters.
I am the first one to admit that sometimes things are strange, and sometimes weird things happen to people at the wrong times. But who is coming up with the ideas? And are they running out of ideas? Ive found a secret file online where some chain letters were dumped because they didnt make the spooky list.
1.) If you dont resend this letter to 12 and a half of your friends with braces, your nose will grow a third nostril.
2.) If you dont take off your pants and iron a crease perpendicular to the ones in your pants, you will have to mow your lawn every other day.
3.) If you dont email 5 out of 12 people with their last name meaning something in a different language, your cell phone bill will increase by 10 cents every month.
4.) If you dont switch lanes every 3 minutes when you drive, your earwax will build up in an astronomical rate.
The worst part about this is that people do get scared, and go ahead resending the chain letters. I can see why some people can get scared. Id be scared too at the thought of me not being able to get an erection between 17 and 23 minutes past every hour.
The only chain letters I blew off had to do with receding hairlines and developing man breasts.
ck
Chain Letters
I dont knock anyone who decides to repost chain letters, since most of the ones that do are my good friends. I have never reposted a chain letter, and am happy to report that my car has not needed a transmission flush, and the seams in the crotch of pants have not ripped contrary to the warnings of the letters.
I am the first one to admit that sometimes things are strange, and sometimes weird things happen to people at the wrong times. But who is coming up with the ideas? And are they running out of ideas? Ive found a secret file online where some chain letters were dumped because they didnt make the spooky list.
1.) If you dont resend this letter to 12 and a half of your friends with braces, your nose will grow a third nostril.
2.) If you dont take off your pants and iron a crease perpendicular to the ones in your pants, you will have to mow your lawn every other day.
3.) If you dont email 5 out of 12 people with their last name meaning something in a different language, your cell phone bill will increase by 10 cents every month.
4.) If you dont switch lanes every 3 minutes when you drive, your earwax will build up in an astronomical rate.
The worst part about this is that people do get scared, and go ahead resending the chain letters. I can see why some people can get scared. Id be scared too at the thought of me not being able to get an erection between 17 and 23 minutes past every hour.
The only chain letters I blew off had to do with receding hairlines and developing man breasts.
ck
No Wonder Its Cheez-Whiz
Original:Wednesday, January 25, 2006
no wonder its cheez-whiz
Its freezing outside, but inside its hotter than a brick oven. Bars have gone mad, overcompensating for the cold air outside, so they pump up the heat on the inside. Why would a business want to spend more money, especially on heating, when the bodies warm up a place just as well?
Perhaps its that I weigh a quarter ton, but last weekend I was quite warm at the watering hole we chose. I had to remove my jacket and hold it because I didnt check it at the coat check/pants check station. It went from my arm to the floor to the fireplace, and eventually became my 2nd coat casualty of the drinking year.
The inside of a club/bar is like a living physics problem. All the bumping and grinding and moving, creating more friction and combustion than the inside of an engine. Yours truly was wearing a short sleeve shirt and thin pants, and was sweating more than I would have running a 5K, or at least one of the five K's.
I gazed around the room hoping I wasnt the only one sweating. As I looked around I noticed that the Thin Guy Patrol was having a meeting at the same bar I was at. Gentlemen in turtlenecks and sweaters and coats, bundled up as if there was a draft coming through the ceiling. I think I even saw someone on a treadmill in the corner, still not as warm as me.
I thought that maybe it was open bar/brick oven pizza night this evening. I guess they didnt have room for Tony behind the bar taking pizzas out of the oven while they served drinks.
" I need two coronas, a heineken, and a large sicilian "
" Eh, we hava no mora heineken, amastel eh ok? "
Its no wonder why they have bathroom attendants at these places ready to give you towels and spritzes of "Cool Water by Davidoff." They are trying to sweat you into giving them tips. I only tip them to look away from me when Im at the urinal. I figure I can cut my losses by giving them money first, this way I dont feel their eyes on the back of my head ready to give me 3 towels after washing my hands.
Drinking is bad.
New Year's in Boston gave me an unfortuante incident where I didnt remove myself totally from my boxers in the Men's Room. It was the weirdest feeling. Nothing appeared to be wrong, but the feeling of looming disaster washed over me, and then something else slightly washed over me.
"whoa, that was close"
I dont know why I told that story, but I really wanted to do the line from Tommy Boy that you read above.
ck
no wonder its cheez-whiz
Its freezing outside, but inside its hotter than a brick oven. Bars have gone mad, overcompensating for the cold air outside, so they pump up the heat on the inside. Why would a business want to spend more money, especially on heating, when the bodies warm up a place just as well?
Perhaps its that I weigh a quarter ton, but last weekend I was quite warm at the watering hole we chose. I had to remove my jacket and hold it because I didnt check it at the coat check/pants check station. It went from my arm to the floor to the fireplace, and eventually became my 2nd coat casualty of the drinking year.
The inside of a club/bar is like a living physics problem. All the bumping and grinding and moving, creating more friction and combustion than the inside of an engine. Yours truly was wearing a short sleeve shirt and thin pants, and was sweating more than I would have running a 5K, or at least one of the five K's.
I gazed around the room hoping I wasnt the only one sweating. As I looked around I noticed that the Thin Guy Patrol was having a meeting at the same bar I was at. Gentlemen in turtlenecks and sweaters and coats, bundled up as if there was a draft coming through the ceiling. I think I even saw someone on a treadmill in the corner, still not as warm as me.
I thought that maybe it was open bar/brick oven pizza night this evening. I guess they didnt have room for Tony behind the bar taking pizzas out of the oven while they served drinks.
" I need two coronas, a heineken, and a large sicilian "
" Eh, we hava no mora heineken, amastel eh ok? "
Its no wonder why they have bathroom attendants at these places ready to give you towels and spritzes of "Cool Water by Davidoff." They are trying to sweat you into giving them tips. I only tip them to look away from me when Im at the urinal. I figure I can cut my losses by giving them money first, this way I dont feel their eyes on the back of my head ready to give me 3 towels after washing my hands.
Drinking is bad.
New Year's in Boston gave me an unfortuante incident where I didnt remove myself totally from my boxers in the Men's Room. It was the weirdest feeling. Nothing appeared to be wrong, but the feeling of looming disaster washed over me, and then something else slightly washed over me.
"whoa, that was close"
I dont know why I told that story, but I really wanted to do the line from Tommy Boy that you read above.
ck
Steak and Shake
Original:Monday, January 16, 2006
Steak and Shake
In the mighty state of Florida there is a wonderful fast food establishment known as "Steak & Shake." Be advised its more like "beef scooped out of a bucket with an ice cream scoop and thrown onto a grill and shake" The shakes are phenomenal.
For my northern constituents who may not be familiar with the place, S & S , which i just nicknamed right this second, is a sitdown burger joint with a large menu consisting of burgers with cheese and bacon if you wish.
On my last visit to the Orlando area, we went to S & S to get a quick bite as all the larger eateries were posing 45 min waits. This was probably the first time I went before drinking as opposed to afterwords.
We entered the place and I went un-noticed, similar to events that remind me of my romantic life. But once they figured out that this large gentleman was there to eat, they seated me.
A larger gentleman than myself was our server, and I felt bad asking him for food, as he seemed to be busy taking bathroom breaks. I treated myself to a diet coke this day, to compliment my 3600 calorie meal. I wanted to get every free calorie I could get. It's the unfortunate life of a bodybuilder.
After we were served, our attendant retreated back to the bathroom again. I guess it was something that he ate. He dropped off the check afterwards.
Hopefully you have picked up on my sarcasm by this point. When I go somewhere I intend on spending money, and it irks me that someone that is basing their wage on food bought would not ask if we needed something else. I can't stand that when I want to spend money somewhere that someone would not be interested in asking if we needed anything else. ( we needed a to go order that he wouldnt put on our bill which would have increased our order 10 dollars )
I really don't care all that much, because the cole slaw was on its game that day, but maybe someone can tell me why someone would not want us there to purchase food.( besides lack of wanting to work)
Anyway I basically just need food hot or cold, I dont really even care if its cooked.
ck
Steak and Shake
In the mighty state of Florida there is a wonderful fast food establishment known as "Steak & Shake." Be advised its more like "beef scooped out of a bucket with an ice cream scoop and thrown onto a grill and shake" The shakes are phenomenal.
For my northern constituents who may not be familiar with the place, S & S , which i just nicknamed right this second, is a sitdown burger joint with a large menu consisting of burgers with cheese and bacon if you wish.
On my last visit to the Orlando area, we went to S & S to get a quick bite as all the larger eateries were posing 45 min waits. This was probably the first time I went before drinking as opposed to afterwords.
We entered the place and I went un-noticed, similar to events that remind me of my romantic life. But once they figured out that this large gentleman was there to eat, they seated me.
A larger gentleman than myself was our server, and I felt bad asking him for food, as he seemed to be busy taking bathroom breaks. I treated myself to a diet coke this day, to compliment my 3600 calorie meal. I wanted to get every free calorie I could get. It's the unfortunate life of a bodybuilder.
After we were served, our attendant retreated back to the bathroom again. I guess it was something that he ate. He dropped off the check afterwards.
Hopefully you have picked up on my sarcasm by this point. When I go somewhere I intend on spending money, and it irks me that someone that is basing their wage on food bought would not ask if we needed something else. I can't stand that when I want to spend money somewhere that someone would not be interested in asking if we needed anything else. ( we needed a to go order that he wouldnt put on our bill which would have increased our order 10 dollars )
I really don't care all that much, because the cole slaw was on its game that day, but maybe someone can tell me why someone would not want us there to purchase food.( besides lack of wanting to work)
Anyway I basically just need food hot or cold, I dont really even care if its cooked.
ck
Update and Update 2
Original:Friday, January 06, 2006
update 2
"In Good Company" I hate this movie because of how real it was.
Scarlet Johansson did a great job of portraying every girl that ever lived.
Topher Gracin ( Carter ) : " I love you"
Scarlet ( Alex ): "Thank You, thats sweet" -enter awkwardness-
I think Miller Lite should make a movie of just beer cans messing around. Like the California Raisins could come to life, why cant beer cans just hang out and give zingy one-liners.
Why do I have to give re-assurance to my best friends dogs about doing a good thing when they take a shit? What might be worse is that I just really am excited when they take ashit. I seriously am happy for them, it comes out naturally.
"Thats a good girl, tyoure such a good girl!!!!" ( Dog stares back)
I need to get an applause sign for myself, to put over my bathroom door for when I come out.
ck
Update from Florida
I just watched 'The Prince & Me' and cried at the end.
ck
update 2
"In Good Company" I hate this movie because of how real it was.
Scarlet Johansson did a great job of portraying every girl that ever lived.
Topher Gracin ( Carter ) : " I love you"
Scarlet ( Alex ): "Thank You, thats sweet" -enter awkwardness-
I think Miller Lite should make a movie of just beer cans messing around. Like the California Raisins could come to life, why cant beer cans just hang out and give zingy one-liners.
Why do I have to give re-assurance to my best friends dogs about doing a good thing when they take a shit? What might be worse is that I just really am excited when they take ashit. I seriously am happy for them, it comes out naturally.
"Thats a good girl, tyoure such a good girl!!!!" ( Dog stares back)
I need to get an applause sign for myself, to put over my bathroom door for when I come out.
ck
Update from Florida
I just watched 'The Prince & Me' and cried at the end.
ck
Oh Boy Its Here
Original:Friday, December 30, 2005
Oh boy its here
New years eve is super. and its a saturday. Its like the superbowl of drinking. I'd say that the regular season begins late January and then lasts until summer. You have home games, away games and as the warmer months approach, you have more and more regular starters getting in the game.
Late Summer and Fall must be the playoffs, and usually its hyped up home games at beach type places like Long Beach and the Hamptons. Players start playing with urgency as they realize time is running out. Then you have the All star game on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. First the night begins with the Old Timers game, followed by the new and upcoming star rookies.
December is filled with just practices, and players fine tuning themselves for the big dance. And how great is it to be in the greatest venue in the world? New York City!?
Well ill be in Boston, shaking my rrrrrrump at a dance club. Yes a dance paladium. I dont even know what the insides of those places look like.
I've been researching what im supposed to wear to club, and i've carefully selected my new year's eve attire.
http://www.discountdance.com/frame_set.php3?mf=/dancewear/page_MEN_p1.html
Well if that is sold out I assume ill shave my arms and get a sleeveless Armani Exchange shirt and 345 dollar jeans to go with some snakeskin shoes. Ill be the hottest thing since John Antinore ( google him ) to walk inside Club.
I heard some good stories from inside Club, where people have intercourse on the dancefloors with their clothes on. I look forward to learn how to do this. I guess its some sort of magic shit. Which reminds me I have to get my neon tongue ring from the store this afternoon for when those hot German Techno songs come on. Instead of using those glow sticks, I think Ill get a neon jump rope and jump around to the song that Club is playing.
For the doctors out there: Is it ok to take some radioactive material so that when I sweat my body will glow as i shake it on Club's dance floor?
Oh boy, I am going to make a fool out of myself, but hopefully ill get a ruffee slipped in my drink and ill get taken advantage of.
ck
ps - John Antinore is one of my best good friends.
Oh boy its here
New years eve is super. and its a saturday. Its like the superbowl of drinking. I'd say that the regular season begins late January and then lasts until summer. You have home games, away games and as the warmer months approach, you have more and more regular starters getting in the game.
Late Summer and Fall must be the playoffs, and usually its hyped up home games at beach type places like Long Beach and the Hamptons. Players start playing with urgency as they realize time is running out. Then you have the All star game on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. First the night begins with the Old Timers game, followed by the new and upcoming star rookies.
December is filled with just practices, and players fine tuning themselves for the big dance. And how great is it to be in the greatest venue in the world? New York City!?
Well ill be in Boston, shaking my rrrrrrump at a dance club. Yes a dance paladium. I dont even know what the insides of those places look like.
I've been researching what im supposed to wear to club, and i've carefully selected my new year's eve attire.
http://www.discountdance.com/frame_set.php3?mf=/dancewear/page_MEN_p1.html
Well if that is sold out I assume ill shave my arms and get a sleeveless Armani Exchange shirt and 345 dollar jeans to go with some snakeskin shoes. Ill be the hottest thing since John Antinore ( google him ) to walk inside Club.
I heard some good stories from inside Club, where people have intercourse on the dancefloors with their clothes on. I look forward to learn how to do this. I guess its some sort of magic shit. Which reminds me I have to get my neon tongue ring from the store this afternoon for when those hot German Techno songs come on. Instead of using those glow sticks, I think Ill get a neon jump rope and jump around to the song that Club is playing.
For the doctors out there: Is it ok to take some radioactive material so that when I sweat my body will glow as i shake it on Club's dance floor?
Oh boy, I am going to make a fool out of myself, but hopefully ill get a ruffee slipped in my drink and ill get taken advantage of.
ck
ps - John Antinore is one of my best good friends.
The Greatest Story Never Written
Original:Thursday, December 22, 2005
The greatest story i decided not to write.
I was writing about a softball tournament between all different religions to determine which one was the coolest at this time of year, but I was scared that some people will take it the wrong way.
Sorry but you wont hear about Moses chewing tabacco and kicking dirt on the umpires shoes. I personally liked the part of my story where Jesus makes an error and St. Joseph yells at him and calls him lacksidasical.
ck
The greatest story i decided not to write.
I was writing about a softball tournament between all different religions to determine which one was the coolest at this time of year, but I was scared that some people will take it the wrong way.
Sorry but you wont hear about Moses chewing tabacco and kicking dirt on the umpires shoes. I personally liked the part of my story where Jesus makes an error and St. Joseph yells at him and calls him lacksidasical.
ck
Open Mouth, Tongue Optional
Original:Sunday, December 18, 2005
open mouth, tongue optional
I am not a grinch this time of year, but I am one thing all year:lazy.
Christmas cards must have been sent for the past 3 centuries, perhaps even longer, but now as I become older I am starting to recieve them personally, and not via my family.
So far of the ones I have received, they have all been from people that I do like very much, but in general, my laziness has kept me from reciprocating and instead I have come up with other ways of showing my appreciation. We all fall into one of three scenarios that Christmas Cards create.
The first scenario is the "red tape greeting." This is the formality that friends and family on good terms send to each other. Its a formality, and its expected. Even more-so, you probably will see these people more than once during the holiday season. If anything you should only send them a card when you dont like them anymore to advise them to "Not have a Merry Christmas"
Second Scenario is sending a card to people that you like, but who you just dont talk to. One family is probably just waiting for the other one to not send a card this year, -they just dont want to be the ones to do it. There's no hard feelings, but its 20 years later and you are not rolling up to Club54 in a Delorean with this person any more.
Third Scenario is sending the Christmas Card to someone that you actually like but decide after a year of no communication that you want to all of a sudden have a wine and cheese party with them. So you write something in the card like , " We must hang out next year " Then you do and you remember why you only have communicado with them once a year.
If only the cards were perhaps made out of chocolate with a crispy wafer, that would be delicious. There would be no recycling, or guilt when you throw them out. Maybe instead we should just have huge parties at the Knights of Columbus or local catering hall. And if the guests fancy it, make it a swinger's party - tis the season.
Bring in a piece of oaktag to the party and set it on an easel, and have everyone write their Christmas wishes to you on that just like a sweet 16. This time though I'm not drunk and dancing by myself to "Mr Boombastic" with my sister's friends.
One thing though this party definetly needs is a giant mistletoe about the size of a parachute hanging over the room.
Open Mouth, tongue optional.
ck
open mouth, tongue optional
I am not a grinch this time of year, but I am one thing all year:lazy.
Christmas cards must have been sent for the past 3 centuries, perhaps even longer, but now as I become older I am starting to recieve them personally, and not via my family.
So far of the ones I have received, they have all been from people that I do like very much, but in general, my laziness has kept me from reciprocating and instead I have come up with other ways of showing my appreciation. We all fall into one of three scenarios that Christmas Cards create.
The first scenario is the "red tape greeting." This is the formality that friends and family on good terms send to each other. Its a formality, and its expected. Even more-so, you probably will see these people more than once during the holiday season. If anything you should only send them a card when you dont like them anymore to advise them to "Not have a Merry Christmas"
Second Scenario is sending a card to people that you like, but who you just dont talk to. One family is probably just waiting for the other one to not send a card this year, -they just dont want to be the ones to do it. There's no hard feelings, but its 20 years later and you are not rolling up to Club54 in a Delorean with this person any more.
Third Scenario is sending the Christmas Card to someone that you actually like but decide after a year of no communication that you want to all of a sudden have a wine and cheese party with them. So you write something in the card like , " We must hang out next year " Then you do and you remember why you only have communicado with them once a year.
If only the cards were perhaps made out of chocolate with a crispy wafer, that would be delicious. There would be no recycling, or guilt when you throw them out. Maybe instead we should just have huge parties at the Knights of Columbus or local catering hall. And if the guests fancy it, make it a swinger's party - tis the season.
Bring in a piece of oaktag to the party and set it on an easel, and have everyone write their Christmas wishes to you on that just like a sweet 16. This time though I'm not drunk and dancing by myself to "Mr Boombastic" with my sister's friends.
One thing though this party definetly needs is a giant mistletoe about the size of a parachute hanging over the room.
Open Mouth, tongue optional.
ck
Barber Shop Blog 1
Original:Wednesday, December 14, 2005
I have 2 friends but Tom doesnt count
My worth has doubled in the past day. 2 friends.
Ive had some bad luck with barbers the past few years. I actually remember my first barber. He was an old Italian gentleman who I think all the boys went to for a haircut in the town i grew up in. I do remember he smoked alot and he used to tap me on the head alot when i wasnt in perfect position. I didnt understand a word he said, and he always seemed like he was doing me a favor by cutting my hair. I didnt care for him.
Years later when i started becoming a young gentleman, I somehow decided to start going to a "salon." I guess it was mainly because of my parents who went there, and especially because my dad always ended up getting a haircut that looked like he belonged in one of the photos they had around the joint. Will any barber shop or hair salon realize that those photos get old and no one wants to look like Zach Morris, or Kid from Kid n Play?
Either way she did a decent job, but around 12 years old I started getting worried about the geneological makeup of my hair. She answered my concern with, ' You have OK hair ' Super.
Her comrade at that place was her Greek husband who probably had no clue how to cut hair, but he always wore fantastic sweaters. He also had European jerry curl hair, resembling what a white Daryll would look like.( aka Eriq La Salle in Coming to America ) He also was a neat freak who would sweep up hair every 3-4 minutes. He was great at saying hello and goodbye, you could tell he really meant it.
I returned to my roots years later when I migrated across the street to older Greek Gentlemen, on a tip from my friend Fabian ( fabe71 ). His name was Christos, and he was from a small island in Greece. He spoke English very well, but I started to become suspicious of his extent of the language, as we spoke about the weather every visit. January or June " Dis weather isa very chooooold." Shrugging his shoulders and ahaking his head in disgust and disapproval. Id have to always agree.
He was a splendid barber who always did a fantastic job of making me feel like I had no worries about losing my hair ever. "You dhoont have to worry, all hyou need is health." Sometimes he would say this without me making a comment about it. yech.....
He still did a great job and would always end the experience with showing me the back and sides of my head with a handheld mirror that would reflect into the big mirror facing me. I would always respond with 'very nice, thank you, or good job' He would quickly look to his right or left, give a short sniffle, and then look back towards me shut his eyes and say 'thank you, thank you.' He was great.
Now i go to Russians, and they all are nice guys. The last guy though, asked me almost embarassingly, " What, uh, should I do with, uh,.....the top....???"
I bought a new hat.
ck
I have 2 friends but Tom doesnt count
My worth has doubled in the past day. 2 friends.
Ive had some bad luck with barbers the past few years. I actually remember my first barber. He was an old Italian gentleman who I think all the boys went to for a haircut in the town i grew up in. I do remember he smoked alot and he used to tap me on the head alot when i wasnt in perfect position. I didnt understand a word he said, and he always seemed like he was doing me a favor by cutting my hair. I didnt care for him.
Years later when i started becoming a young gentleman, I somehow decided to start going to a "salon." I guess it was mainly because of my parents who went there, and especially because my dad always ended up getting a haircut that looked like he belonged in one of the photos they had around the joint. Will any barber shop or hair salon realize that those photos get old and no one wants to look like Zach Morris, or Kid from Kid n Play?
Either way she did a decent job, but around 12 years old I started getting worried about the geneological makeup of my hair. She answered my concern with, ' You have OK hair ' Super.
Her comrade at that place was her Greek husband who probably had no clue how to cut hair, but he always wore fantastic sweaters. He also had European jerry curl hair, resembling what a white Daryll would look like.( aka Eriq La Salle in Coming to America ) He also was a neat freak who would sweep up hair every 3-4 minutes. He was great at saying hello and goodbye, you could tell he really meant it.
I returned to my roots years later when I migrated across the street to older Greek Gentlemen, on a tip from my friend Fabian ( fabe71 ). His name was Christos, and he was from a small island in Greece. He spoke English very well, but I started to become suspicious of his extent of the language, as we spoke about the weather every visit. January or June " Dis weather isa very chooooold." Shrugging his shoulders and ahaking his head in disgust and disapproval. Id have to always agree.
He was a splendid barber who always did a fantastic job of making me feel like I had no worries about losing my hair ever. "You dhoont have to worry, all hyou need is health." Sometimes he would say this without me making a comment about it. yech.....
He still did a great job and would always end the experience with showing me the back and sides of my head with a handheld mirror that would reflect into the big mirror facing me. I would always respond with 'very nice, thank you, or good job' He would quickly look to his right or left, give a short sniffle, and then look back towards me shut his eyes and say 'thank you, thank you.' He was great.
Now i go to Russians, and they all are nice guys. The last guy though, asked me almost embarassingly, " What, uh, should I do with, uh,.....the top....???"
I bought a new hat.
ck
I Have No Friends
Original:Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I have no friends
I pretty much can write whatever I want in this space because I dont have any friends yet. I think that a big portion of that reason is because I dont have any pics.
I wonder if I can get a hold of one of those computer programs that the model magazines use to "air brush" photos. Once I get my photos up I would be able to give myself a nice tan, perhaps sculpt some chiseled features, maybe even air brush a model with me into the picture. It would even be great to airbrush my head on the guy thats always on the cover of mens health. For some reason he's at the beach in jeans and no shirt on laughing like hes lost his mind . People who wear jeans on the beach in the summer have something to hide and obviously dont have sweat glands. Im talking to you Lt. Pete Mitchell.
I wonder what reasons have possessed people to join myspace. I know that I joined because "everyone else was doing it." I guess I sound like a hippie, maaaaaaannnn. Pass it, maaaaaaaannnn. But seriously I wonder what reasons others have to go ahead and create an ornate backround to their profile. Is it sheer creativity? That would be nice.
Another reason I think that people are on myspace is to hook up with people from high school. High School was great times. The cool people were crappy to the losers. The losers showed animosity to the cool people, usually not in front of them. One of the greatest days of my high school life was when a popular athlete who was actually a nice guy out of school, walked up to our table.
Let me describe "our table." Id like to call it the "ambitionless roundtable" We didnt have any desire to prove ourselves to anyone, we were in the corner, and we kept to ourselves. Some of the constituents of our group had ties to some of the cool people, which i guess granted us amnesty from constant ridicule. Most of us were in clubs, and even varsity athletics, but basically we didnt bother anyone, and no one bothered us.
One day, all of us were eating our lunches: sandwiches in hand, fries were being dipped, even pretzels being enjoyed. If you were looking out towards the end of the table, picture it as if you were looking at a movie screen. Enter right, a short, stocky, but cool gentleman aproach slowly. He turned his body left slowly in a right angle to face us, and then almost as if sparked, he slammed both his hands down on the table and shouted, " WINNERS!!!! YOU'RE ALL WINNAAAS!!" Shockingly, this was one of the funniest moments of my life.
The reason why I tell that story is because now, 6 years out of high school, its almost as if everyone's popularity has evened out. There are no more sports, there are no more school bands, there are no more ambitionless roundtables, and somehow nobody is looked at by their body shapes.
The most frequent place to run into old high school collegues, is at bars. And at bars people drink and measure themselves by what they made of their lives. And then after that , its all about people getting drunk and hooking up.
Suddenly the geek got rid of his glasses, and the popular girl is no longer supermodel status ( but still hot ), and all of a sudden people's values reach a plane where they are level. And you now have Mr and Mrs. Smith.
So for spite, for hooking up, for friends, something tells me this will be a great experience.
ck
I have no friends
I pretty much can write whatever I want in this space because I dont have any friends yet. I think that a big portion of that reason is because I dont have any pics.
I wonder if I can get a hold of one of those computer programs that the model magazines use to "air brush" photos. Once I get my photos up I would be able to give myself a nice tan, perhaps sculpt some chiseled features, maybe even air brush a model with me into the picture. It would even be great to airbrush my head on the guy thats always on the cover of mens health. For some reason he's at the beach in jeans and no shirt on laughing like hes lost his mind . People who wear jeans on the beach in the summer have something to hide and obviously dont have sweat glands. Im talking to you Lt. Pete Mitchell.
I wonder what reasons have possessed people to join myspace. I know that I joined because "everyone else was doing it." I guess I sound like a hippie, maaaaaaannnn. Pass it, maaaaaaaannnn. But seriously I wonder what reasons others have to go ahead and create an ornate backround to their profile. Is it sheer creativity? That would be nice.
Another reason I think that people are on myspace is to hook up with people from high school. High School was great times. The cool people were crappy to the losers. The losers showed animosity to the cool people, usually not in front of them. One of the greatest days of my high school life was when a popular athlete who was actually a nice guy out of school, walked up to our table.
Let me describe "our table." Id like to call it the "ambitionless roundtable" We didnt have any desire to prove ourselves to anyone, we were in the corner, and we kept to ourselves. Some of the constituents of our group had ties to some of the cool people, which i guess granted us amnesty from constant ridicule. Most of us were in clubs, and even varsity athletics, but basically we didnt bother anyone, and no one bothered us.
One day, all of us were eating our lunches: sandwiches in hand, fries were being dipped, even pretzels being enjoyed. If you were looking out towards the end of the table, picture it as if you were looking at a movie screen. Enter right, a short, stocky, but cool gentleman aproach slowly. He turned his body left slowly in a right angle to face us, and then almost as if sparked, he slammed both his hands down on the table and shouted, " WINNERS!!!! YOU'RE ALL WINNAAAS!!" Shockingly, this was one of the funniest moments of my life.
The reason why I tell that story is because now, 6 years out of high school, its almost as if everyone's popularity has evened out. There are no more sports, there are no more school bands, there are no more ambitionless roundtables, and somehow nobody is looked at by their body shapes.
The most frequent place to run into old high school collegues, is at bars. And at bars people drink and measure themselves by what they made of their lives. And then after that , its all about people getting drunk and hooking up.
Suddenly the geek got rid of his glasses, and the popular girl is no longer supermodel status ( but still hot ), and all of a sudden people's values reach a plane where they are level. And you now have Mr and Mrs. Smith.
So for spite, for hooking up, for friends, something tells me this will be a great experience.
ck
friggin holidays
Original : Thursday, December 29, 2005
friggin holidays
It is so annoying to talk to your boss around the holidays. Especially when they are trying to show interest in your life. I appreciate the effort, but is anyone buying it?
My boss just came up to me and started to talk to me about baseball and how he used to play. But it seemed like he must of played back in the 50's, or maybe later.
I play baseball and I enjoy every minute of it. I enjoy my Rawlings 11 in. infielder's mitt, oiled to perfection, my Omaha Scandium bat, and playing with an official league baseball. Im just not buying it when my boss is trying to relate to me by speaking of sandlot games 50 years ago when they threw a potato at a broomstick.
"Oh I remember I was playing third and I had a sweet double play set up, but i moved to the right to step on third and broke the meniscus in my knee"
what im picturing: ( picture a sandlot in the 40s in ny)"Pitch it in der, pitch it in der, he ain't got nuttin!!!"
"Oh cram it up your pipe, Im gonna knock dis right up yer kisser"
"Ill bet you dollars to donuts you cant hit dat ding past the pitcher"
(pitcher) 'Aw shucks guys, lets just play"
hits the ball down the third base line, he gobbles it up tries to get the force at 3rd and slips.
"Oh your mother's ass!!!" cries in pain
ck
friggin holidays
It is so annoying to talk to your boss around the holidays. Especially when they are trying to show interest in your life. I appreciate the effort, but is anyone buying it?
My boss just came up to me and started to talk to me about baseball and how he used to play. But it seemed like he must of played back in the 50's, or maybe later.
I play baseball and I enjoy every minute of it. I enjoy my Rawlings 11 in. infielder's mitt, oiled to perfection, my Omaha Scandium bat, and playing with an official league baseball. Im just not buying it when my boss is trying to relate to me by speaking of sandlot games 50 years ago when they threw a potato at a broomstick.
"Oh I remember I was playing third and I had a sweet double play set up, but i moved to the right to step on third and broke the meniscus in my knee"
what im picturing: ( picture a sandlot in the 40s in ny)"Pitch it in der, pitch it in der, he ain't got nuttin!!!"
"Oh cram it up your pipe, Im gonna knock dis right up yer kisser"
"Ill bet you dollars to donuts you cant hit dat ding past the pitcher"
(pitcher) 'Aw shucks guys, lets just play"
hits the ball down the third base line, he gobbles it up tries to get the force at 3rd and slips.
"Oh your mother's ass!!!" cries in pain
ck
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