Theoretically I was sleeping on the floor. I was protected from the countless amounts of crime scene evidence by my not inflated air mattress - now acting as a body condom. My hips hurt, due to the way I often violently throw myself around during sleep. In this setup, I was cushioned only by a centimeter or two of rubber, and 2 inches of air that never stood a chance. Recharge the damn pump, immediately.
Paps looked like an extra from the movie ET, where all the scientists took over the house trying to keep the environment sterile.
I limbered down the stairs - my eyes coming in contact with blue goose first. I guess we had wheeled it in the middle of the night. I moved it slightly, and it responded with the muffled sounds of ice cold water sloshing around. Opening it up I was happy to find a mix of about a dozen MLs and bullets.
Setting the tone for the rest of the day, I found myself to be bored. Naturally, I started to cook potatoes, followed by prepping for the rest of breakfast by shredding cheese.
One of the guests rumbled down the stairs, immediately set on making coffee. Sounded good to me, except it was some sort of nut blend - a blend I don't mind, but not my favorite. A beer will do instead. Just then, the sift and snap of a ML brought me out to the living room/kitchen/patio. It was Paps, cracking one open. Mark it, 8:35 a.m.
The rest of the house eventually came to. I suppose they weren't able to sleep through the door slamming 15 times, a result of Paps constantly checking if things got better. Nope.
Breakfast was delicious. CD was unable to finish his hearty 6 egg omelet, citing that it was "terrible, disgusting, and I wish you weren't my friend." He slammed down his fork, threw the plate and jumped off the high chair.
Discouraged I threw the rest of the food out the window, and we prepared to start our day. Lucky for me I was already dressed from the night before, just a couple of ketchup stains and ripped T-shirt away from not looking like a homeless person.
We hopped in the Audi and drove into town, where we found a lovely bar. Setting myself on trying to look so bumish that people would have to think I was rich, we swaggered in and ordered some drinks. Before I could even say "Captain an...." B Kennedy was already discovered. Almost as if choreographed for an attack, countless hot 30 year olds assembled in attack formation, taking different angles from around the bar, wineglasses in hand. I watched tennis.
After a hearty amount of drinking I checked out some 400 dollar sunglasses. It wasn't my style though. I didn't have to say it, but my ketchup stains did, just like in that Tide to Go commercial when the guy goes on an interview.
We got back to the house and I prepared the hamburgers and cold pasta salad. It was delicious. Now if only a Golden Girls marathon....Lucky day.
Paps and I sat on the couch watching intently. We sang the theme song as if it was our life, and at that very moment it was. Briefly interested in the truth or dare game going on outside, Blanche did something slutty, Sofia made a great one liner, and Dorothy went "Maaa!" so I was back to focusing on the TV.
A few more, "Nobody cares." and we were off to bed.
"This day is almost over, tomorrow is going to be really quick, and Monday we're leaving. It's like 3 hours, tops."
ck
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
09-14/Pains of My Labor Pt. II
"So, this is the great housesitting job you found.....This place is a dump."
"Just wait until you see the pool...."
Purple Couch.
Nestled in the middle of the Sherwood forest, 45 Sherwood Lane welcomed us into its gravel landing strip. There to help us with bags and groceries were 100 spiders.
"This is not a party house," rang through my head, as I managed to safely navigate through the living room into the kitchen without breaking anything. Wide eyed, I looked around the massive living room - a gigantic 12 inch flat screen gracing the shelf of a bookcase.
On the wall hung Steven Glasberg's 4th grade masterpiece, "I found a pastel set, and saw a boat once."
The house smelled of rich mahogany, drizzled with moth balls and suntan lotion. I couldn't wait to deep fry something, just to give my olfactics a smell that didn't make me want to vomit. We let the other housemates relax as we unpacked all their food for the weekend, especially since the sun dial said that there would only be about 47 minutes of sunlight breaking through the trees.
Since the groceries took up the last remaining seat in the car, we left CD at the store with his computer and a sandwich bigger than his hands. We jumped back into the car and returned to town. Unfortunately it took a while to get him since we got stuck behind an old horse and buggy.
Purple Couch.
"Yo no sé por qué dejar los zapatos en la casa. Tengo que limpiar después de su grasa detrás de todo el día. Sus hijos van a crecer como usted!!!"
"Yes dear."
After we arrived back from town we decided to relax a little on the stained couch. Hoping that is was a mustard stain from 1987, I shifted to the right to make sure I didn't come into contact with it. If only there was a 'Married with Children' marathon on. Jackpot!
I started prepping for the dinner by preparing my guacomole and fried tortilla appetizer. The skirt steaks had been marinating all day, and were ready to be grilled. Some of us don't eat red meat.
That evening comprised of card drinking games that nobody cared about, I mean, nobody - zero - and cake. More cake for some than others. Thank God Austin Powers came on.
When it was all said and done, our choices were another yellow stained sheet bed, or an uninflated air mattress on a hard wood floor. I got the floor, thankfully, and Paps put on his spacesuit and laid in the "bed."
Here's to a hearty 3 hour sleep. See you in the morning.
ck
"Just wait until you see the pool...."
Purple Couch.
Nestled in the middle of the Sherwood forest, 45 Sherwood Lane welcomed us into its gravel landing strip. There to help us with bags and groceries were 100 spiders.
"This is not a party house," rang through my head, as I managed to safely navigate through the living room into the kitchen without breaking anything. Wide eyed, I looked around the massive living room - a gigantic 12 inch flat screen gracing the shelf of a bookcase.
On the wall hung Steven Glasberg's 4th grade masterpiece, "I found a pastel set, and saw a boat once."
The house smelled of rich mahogany, drizzled with moth balls and suntan lotion. I couldn't wait to deep fry something, just to give my olfactics a smell that didn't make me want to vomit. We let the other housemates relax as we unpacked all their food for the weekend, especially since the sun dial said that there would only be about 47 minutes of sunlight breaking through the trees.
Since the groceries took up the last remaining seat in the car, we left CD at the store with his computer and a sandwich bigger than his hands. We jumped back into the car and returned to town. Unfortunately it took a while to get him since we got stuck behind an old horse and buggy.
Purple Couch.
"Yo no sé por qué dejar los zapatos en la casa. Tengo que limpiar después de su grasa detrás de todo el día. Sus hijos van a crecer como usted!!!"
"Yes dear."
After we arrived back from town we decided to relax a little on the stained couch. Hoping that is was a mustard stain from 1987, I shifted to the right to make sure I didn't come into contact with it. If only there was a 'Married with Children' marathon on. Jackpot!
I started prepping for the dinner by preparing my guacomole and fried tortilla appetizer. The skirt steaks had been marinating all day, and were ready to be grilled. Some of us don't eat red meat.
That evening comprised of card drinking games that nobody cared about, I mean, nobody - zero - and cake. More cake for some than others. Thank God Austin Powers came on.
When it was all said and done, our choices were another yellow stained sheet bed, or an uninflated air mattress on a hard wood floor. I got the floor, thankfully, and Paps put on his spacesuit and laid in the "bed."
Here's to a hearty 3 hour sleep. See you in the morning.
ck
Friday, September 11, 2009
09-11/Pains of My Labor Pt.I
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. As Miley Cyrus helped us dance our way to the Hamptons with the drop top down, we might as well have been the models from Zoolander dancing in the gasoline. Except one model was fat in our rendition.
I relearned that there was a Roy Rogers off the Sunrise Highway on the William Floyd Parkway. Pointing it out after it had been noticed was the first step to remembering it forever, however it didn't yield to anything except for the thought of a roast beef and cheese.
The Sunrise Highway also has many bathrooms along side of it. CD was able to find one by logging onto his PC and searching for one. Even though it took him a while to find one, he searched and searched. He also procrastinated finishing Mrs. Kendall's class report on Metormorphic Rocks by playing solitaire and minesweeper. It didn't matter though, his printer was out of ink.
We laughed and smiled, the warm wind blowing through our hair. Thoughts of Rico in a cubicle passed through my mind. I smiled. Rico.
After making great time, we entered the one lane bottleneck into the illustrious Hamptons. A corn husking machine welcomed us to our right, conveniently located next to a playground. The children could laugh and play and sing, as fresh corn shucked by thousands and thousands of razors shot out from only a few feet away.
The car had been loaded up. Since Audi convertibles were not known for their hauling ability, room was tight. There was a hierarchy of what would make it on our trip.
Non Perishable Foods
Mother K had warned me of not finding acceptable prices on food-stuffs out in the Hamptons. So I had poured over all the circulars looking for great deals on block cheese, and frozen broccoli. Thankfully my boxes of squash and bottles of vegetable oil fit into the trunk.
Blue Goose - aka a cooler
Blue Goose was summoned on the trip so that a wheelable cooler was available. This would help when a cooler full of beer could be wheeled around a deck or living room.
Air Mattress/Pillow
This would be an integral part of the night, so that a person could sleep on it inflated 20 percent and offer a pleasant snoring slumber to a roommate in a bed full of yellow stained sheets.
Luggage and backpacks
Unfortunately there was no room for clean clothes and bags with toothbrushes and deodorants. These would have to be left at train stations or the side of the road.
ck
I relearned that there was a Roy Rogers off the Sunrise Highway on the William Floyd Parkway. Pointing it out after it had been noticed was the first step to remembering it forever, however it didn't yield to anything except for the thought of a roast beef and cheese.
The Sunrise Highway also has many bathrooms along side of it. CD was able to find one by logging onto his PC and searching for one. Even though it took him a while to find one, he searched and searched. He also procrastinated finishing Mrs. Kendall's class report on Metormorphic Rocks by playing solitaire and minesweeper. It didn't matter though, his printer was out of ink.
We laughed and smiled, the warm wind blowing through our hair. Thoughts of Rico in a cubicle passed through my mind. I smiled. Rico.
After making great time, we entered the one lane bottleneck into the illustrious Hamptons. A corn husking machine welcomed us to our right, conveniently located next to a playground. The children could laugh and play and sing, as fresh corn shucked by thousands and thousands of razors shot out from only a few feet away.
The car had been loaded up. Since Audi convertibles were not known for their hauling ability, room was tight. There was a hierarchy of what would make it on our trip.
Non Perishable Foods
Mother K had warned me of not finding acceptable prices on food-stuffs out in the Hamptons. So I had poured over all the circulars looking for great deals on block cheese, and frozen broccoli. Thankfully my boxes of squash and bottles of vegetable oil fit into the trunk.
Blue Goose - aka a cooler
Blue Goose was summoned on the trip so that a wheelable cooler was available. This would help when a cooler full of beer could be wheeled around a deck or living room.
Air Mattress/Pillow
This would be an integral part of the night, so that a person could sleep on it inflated 20 percent and offer a pleasant snoring slumber to a roommate in a bed full of yellow stained sheets.
Luggage and backpacks
Unfortunately there was no room for clean clothes and bags with toothbrushes and deodorants. These would have to be left at train stations or the side of the road.
ck
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
09-09/Wait Patiently
Read this while we wait for Pains of My Labor....
http://news.aol.com/article/hiker-falls-after-marriage-proposal-on/659548
ck
http://news.aol.com/article/hiker-falls-after-marriage-proposal-on/659548
ck
Thursday, September 3, 2009
09-03/Sunday Menu
Breakfast - Top of the Muffin to you!
Eggs Benedict or Good Old Fashioned cooked to order
Poached Eggs with Canadian bacon drizzled with Hollandaise Sauce
on an English Muffin
Dinner- Phil's got crabs! I mean clams!
All American Clam Bake
Phil has come back from clamming, and he's got clams!
Fresh clam meat baked in a wonderful medley of spices and bread crumbs. Delish.
Honey BBQ Chicken
Boneless Chicken Thighs marinated in bbq sauce and honey,
grilled to a smokey brown.
Served with Ranch Dressing on toasted Garlic Bread
Rosemary and Garlic Roasted Potato Wedges
They are wedges of potato roasted in rosemary and garlic.
Dessert
Watermelon
Ask Rico what's in that Watermelon and why there is a hole in it.....or just have a piece or 7!
ck
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
09-01/Saturday Menu
A long evening of laughing, singing songs on guitar over a bonfire, and Zima, will be followed by a relaxing night's rest. Then, wake up to your "Scintillating Saturday" in East Hampton.
"Scintillating Saturday"
East Hampton, NY
Labor Day 2009
-----------------~~~~~~---------------
Guten Morgen, Bon Matin, Ohayo Gozaimasu, Buenos Dias
Good Morning!
OMELETE OF YOUR CHOICE
Visit Chef CK's morning omelet station with your choice of feta, swiss, or cheddar cheese oozing out of three fluffy eggs prepared in omelet fashion. Just in from a run? CK will set you up with egg whites, for your morning protein burst! ( if not already received )
PANCAKES ALA RICO
For those looking for a barrage of batter, you can have all you can eat pancakes, served with butter and maple syrup, escorted by fresh melon wedges.
BACON AND COUNTRY HOME FRIED POTATOES
Wake up to the smell of frying bacon, as it crackles with potatoes fried with onion and pepper.
COFFEE TEA AND FRESH ORANGE JUICE
Nudge your lover awake with a cup of his or her favorite morning beverage....
They will love you forever!!!*
* not included
-----------------~~~~~~~~~-----------------
Back from the beach??? Let's Eat!!!
BBQ LOBSTER TAILS
Fresh lobster tails grilled to perfection in a lemon garlic butter sauce.
Not for Land Lubbers!!
FRESH SIRLOIN BURGERS
For those that don't like that fishy taste, enjoy a sirloin burger stuffed with your favorite cheese.
COLD PASTA SALAD AND GARLIC SAUTEED BROCCOLI
Italy's greatest invention and broccoli will make you go bapa bapa bapa ba ba bappabadda ba da da!!!
---------------~~~~~~~~~-----------------
APPLE COBBLER
Celebrate the fruits of your LABOR with a fresh warm apple cobbler. Served with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. Better wake up early for that beach run with CD!!
ck
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