Open Mouth, Tongue Optional

Original:Sunday, December 18, 2005
open mouth, tongue optional
I am not a grinch this time of year, but I am one thing all year:lazy.
Christmas cards must have been sent for the past 3 centuries, perhaps even longer, but now as I become older I am starting to recieve them personally, and not via my family.
So far of the ones I have received, they have all been from people that I do like very much, but in general, my laziness has kept me from reciprocating and instead I have come up with other ways of showing my appreciation. We all fall into one of three scenarios that Christmas Cards create.
The first scenario is the "red tape greeting." This is the formality that friends and family on good terms send to each other. Its a formality, and its expected. Even more-so, you probably will see these people more than once during the holiday season. If anything you should only send them a card when you dont like them anymore to advise them to "Not have a Merry Christmas"
Second Scenario is sending a card to people that you like, but who you just dont talk to. One family is probably just waiting for the other one to not send a card this year, -they just dont want to be the ones to do it. There's no hard feelings, but its 20 years later and you are not rolling up to Club54 in a Delorean with this person any more.
Third Scenario is sending the Christmas Card to someone that you actually like but decide after a year of no communication that you want to all of a sudden have a wine and cheese party with them. So you write something in the card like , " We must hang out next year " Then you do and you remember why you only have communicado with them once a year.
If only the cards were perhaps made out of chocolate with a crispy wafer, that would be delicious. There would be no recycling, or guilt when you throw them out. Maybe instead we should just have huge parties at the Knights of Columbus or local catering hall. And if the guests fancy it, make it a swinger's party - tis the season.
Bring in a piece of oaktag to the party and set it on an easel, and have everyone write their Christmas wishes to you on that just like a sweet 16. This time though I'm not drunk and dancing by myself to "Mr Boombastic" with my sister's friends.
One thing though this party definetly needs is a giant mistletoe about the size of a parachute hanging over the room.
Open Mouth, tongue optional.
ck