Elbows and Assholes

Original:Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Elbows and Assholes
I am not a cat man. Id prefer to call myself a dog person, even though I never had one. I remember 10 plus years ago walking a family member's dog and getting ready to pick up its shit with a mere paper towel. I thought is was gross and mushy but not as gross as when the towel didnt do the right thing and the shit hit my hand. It seemed by grabbing it I cracked one of those glow sticks that only illuminate when you snap it. The shit, when cracked, created an unholy smell, that can only be created by a steady diet of grass and remnants of other animals shit. This was the one and only times Ive ever gagged, contrary to popular belief.
My girlfriend's roomate has a cat who is very friendly. I dont mind this cat, since it seems to give back some affection. The only problem is that when he jumps on me, he turns around and sticks that gross ass hole in my face. If I had a gold watch I would stick it in your face constantly, but this cat seems to think he has a gold watch under his tail.
Its funny because the cat looks at you like he's doing you a favor by showing you this hole where his shit comes out of. He turns his head back to look at you while posing, almost like hes saying "Im only doing this for you."
Cats also refuse to take hints. Gets on the bed, gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
Gets on the bed, Gets thrown off the bed.
I would love to figure out what this cat is thinking in its mind. Although I wouldnt be surprised if they were doing it on purpose.
I love the look that cats make when you meow at them. Almost like " Holy Shit, you speak cat!! " Cats are the most uninterested animals ever, but if you meow at them they look at you like you just came in through the ceiling, Its like they have to shake their head in disbelief . Then look back shocked that you can speak their language, sometimes with their mouth open.
Then they meow at you back saying " So are you mad that I call you fat ass?"
ck