What can 15.99 buy you? That can be answered in a few different ways. For example, you can buy two wonderful polos from the local Old Navy. You can also buy the movie "Couples Retreat" and watch it in the room at Embassy Suites.
It's a "Made" reunion, fitted with your heros played by Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, and Faizon Love. It's also written by Jon and Vince, a good 13 years from when Jon wrote and directed "Swingers." - a thin and lanky Vince Vaughn tagging along besides him introducing himself to the world. "Made" came along 5 years later, and a chunk of that crew is now brought back for "Couples Retreat."
Here's why this is sad.
1.) I was in college when "Made" came out and I was 20. Vince was 31, and Jon was 35.
2.) I would bet that they had fun making Swingers and Made, not caring too much about who would like it or who wouldn't. Stupid college kids would probably get drunk and laugh at pretty much anything.
3.) Now Vince is 39, Jon is 43, and I'm 28.
Here are the terrible connections.
Even though Jon and Vince wrote and starred in it along with Faizon, the movie doesn't resemble any of the Indie feel where the humor was genuine and smart. Aside from a few possible ad-libs between Jon and Vince, the movie was heavily generated to be from a "cookie cutter" perspective, catering to couples who just had a nice dinner at Applebees and want to keep it a 6 or below on the Friday night excitement scale. Like Lauren and Robbie.
And its nothing for me to be too critical about because at the end of the day, they have comedic legacies, while I have a half eaten bag of Cheetos's.
The question is, and why do I care? Here's why.
The progression from "Swingers/Made" to "Couples Retreat" is a direct correlation to how I am getting older. S/M was once the soundtrack to many 'power-hours' and beer pong tournaments, and now CR is the answer to Jon and Vince feeling like they need to make a movie again for fun.
Furthermore, Vince and Jon have been the funniest when they have been unmarried people. Vince seems to be at his funniest when he is single or wanting to be single. Remember "The Break Up?" Even though it's about his break up with Anniston, it still was terrible, because in the end he missed her.
Blah Blah.
Single or want to be single. Funny.
Their storylines of being married and having quirky marriage problems is only a reminder that we all are not in college anymore. Worst off, even if we wanted to, it's tough to look cool trying to pretend like you are still in college.
Believe me I know. I'm a pro.
ck
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
12-14/McDinner
As an often used anecdote on many sitcoms, I don't understand why the McRib isn't around in reality? It seems everyone misses it.
I mean alot of things have made a comeback in recent years - Ray Bans, long UPS guy hair, cocaine.
ck
I mean alot of things have made a comeback in recent years - Ray Bans, long UPS guy hair, cocaine.
ck
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
11-24/Thanks for Giving, zero
Thanksgiving is always a time to remember things, as all holidays are. I remember most of my childhood Thanksgivings being at my grandparents house, most notably the table angling perpendicular to its usual direction to allow for an extension. It always drove me insane because I would always be seated on the abutment that was on the carpet, and it would make massive dents in the carpet.
I remember one year it snowed heavily and we made a fort in the snow. I always would sweat in my heavy jackets, but then again I sweat when I chew gum. I think snow around Thanksgiving would be nice, then I could make fun Folger's commercials in my head.
I picture, in the early morning hours, me putting the coffee in the pot making all funny faces while I sniffed it, my eyes coming alive with the aroma of the beans. Then the camera would pan out and I'd be completely in the nude.
What happened to our tackle football games? I miss playing that and getting all muddy. Chris F. would be the quarterback, wearing a St. Mel's Letter jacket and winking at Danielle on the sidelines. Did they get married yet? I think Billy was the running back.
Ray would also qb for the other team with his father on the sidelines. Ray would get mad at an incomplete pass, and his father would say, "Calm down Raymond."
Ray would retort, " I don't want your life."
Now, if we play, its two hand touch, everyone smokes in between touchdowns, and Steve wears a 200 dollar jersey.
"Ok, you go deep, you stay short, then zig zag."
Steve would call me up the night before and say, " I gotta pick you up early so we can stop at DePhillips and get receiver gloves."
ck
Sunday, November 30, 2008
11-30/Thanksgiving Recap
Some things never change. I keep thinking that they do, but as time goes on, you can count on certain things.The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is still, in fact, the largest impromptu re-union nights in the country. Former high school co-eds still meet up at the same places every year.
The Friday after Thanksgiving is still, in fact, the only day that guys get together and play football. Unfortunately the biggest change when it comes to this, though, is physical fitness.Already marked for the Queens flag football league, we claimed a field at Crocheron Park, slightly muddy as usual. Half of us wore baseball cleats, the other half sneakers.
Some had football wide receiver gloves, I had batting gloves.Most wore a football jersey, I wore a "baseball at night T-shirt." The "B.A.N" t-shirt had high potential to be the go-to T-Shirt for me. Unfortunately mysterious grease stains presented themselves at the appendix area, so it was now designated to "work out T-shirt" duty.
At first, it appeared that only 5 of us were going to show up, but Sal's colleague arrived with 4 friends. The difference between us and them, was that their receiver gloves were actually used before.
After a mini debate about whether to revert to our olden days by playing tackle, Steve's mechanical knee brace did all the talking for our side. After one drive we had to take a water break and Mike could get his Puma track suit dry-cleaned.
On the twin field next to us, a small group of kids multiplied into about 20, and a full blown tackle game ensued. Before taking the snap I shouted "Omaha, Omaha. 34, 34" to which I got not even a giggle.
I scrunched my nose and gave a nice Farley giggle, but just then a large 20 year old brute, took down another 20 year old with a horse collar tackle on the sister field. The tacklee got up and threw the ball at the tackler's legs, to which he responded with a loud " WHOOO!!"
I yelled hike and threw a 2 yard pass for a 3 yard gain to Sal. " WHOOO!!"
It seemed that our adversaries were jealous of the tackle game, and wanted to remember their olden high school football days. No dice for us, as Taco Bell was calling anway. After losing the first game badly, and then mixing up the teams for another, we ran for the border.
At TB, I learned of Steve's new invented soda beverage. Since he, "doesn't like the taste" of plain diet pepsi, he filled the cup then added a splash of wild cherry. Delicious and ground-breaking, I'd like to go ahead and call it "the Steve."
We sat in the "Rat Pack" booth. It was a circular booth in the corner that seemed to offer the most room, and also gave a little pride to the habitants. I could just see Frank now, ripping open the fire sauce with his teeth and doucing it on his 89 cent soft taco.They should hang a framed Rat Pack picture above the booth with the caption of Frank saying,"Who do ya gotta f--k around here to get a chalupa?"
I'd like to see this Friday-after football game evolve into playing video games in one of our dens. Hopefully, though, we won't be drinking wine and checking out the new lawnmower while waiting our turn.
ck
I remember one year it snowed heavily and we made a fort in the snow. I always would sweat in my heavy jackets, but then again I sweat when I chew gum. I think snow around Thanksgiving would be nice, then I could make fun Folger's commercials in my head.
I picture, in the early morning hours, me putting the coffee in the pot making all funny faces while I sniffed it, my eyes coming alive with the aroma of the beans. Then the camera would pan out and I'd be completely in the nude.
What happened to our tackle football games? I miss playing that and getting all muddy. Chris F. would be the quarterback, wearing a St. Mel's Letter jacket and winking at Danielle on the sidelines. Did they get married yet? I think Billy was the running back.
Ray would also qb for the other team with his father on the sidelines. Ray would get mad at an incomplete pass, and his father would say, "Calm down Raymond."
Ray would retort, " I don't want your life."
Now, if we play, its two hand touch, everyone smokes in between touchdowns, and Steve wears a 200 dollar jersey.
"Ok, you go deep, you stay short, then zig zag."
Steve would call me up the night before and say, " I gotta pick you up early so we can stop at DePhillips and get receiver gloves."
ck
Sunday, November 30, 2008
11-30/Thanksgiving Recap
Some things never change. I keep thinking that they do, but as time goes on, you can count on certain things.The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is still, in fact, the largest impromptu re-union nights in the country. Former high school co-eds still meet up at the same places every year.
The Friday after Thanksgiving is still, in fact, the only day that guys get together and play football. Unfortunately the biggest change when it comes to this, though, is physical fitness.Already marked for the Queens flag football league, we claimed a field at Crocheron Park, slightly muddy as usual. Half of us wore baseball cleats, the other half sneakers.
Some had football wide receiver gloves, I had batting gloves.Most wore a football jersey, I wore a "baseball at night T-shirt." The "B.A.N" t-shirt had high potential to be the go-to T-Shirt for me. Unfortunately mysterious grease stains presented themselves at the appendix area, so it was now designated to "work out T-shirt" duty.
At first, it appeared that only 5 of us were going to show up, but Sal's colleague arrived with 4 friends. The difference between us and them, was that their receiver gloves were actually used before.
After a mini debate about whether to revert to our olden days by playing tackle, Steve's mechanical knee brace did all the talking for our side. After one drive we had to take a water break and Mike could get his Puma track suit dry-cleaned.
On the twin field next to us, a small group of kids multiplied into about 20, and a full blown tackle game ensued. Before taking the snap I shouted "Omaha, Omaha. 34, 34" to which I got not even a giggle.
I scrunched my nose and gave a nice Farley giggle, but just then a large 20 year old brute, took down another 20 year old with a horse collar tackle on the sister field. The tacklee got up and threw the ball at the tackler's legs, to which he responded with a loud " WHOOO!!"
I yelled hike and threw a 2 yard pass for a 3 yard gain to Sal. " WHOOO!!"
It seemed that our adversaries were jealous of the tackle game, and wanted to remember their olden high school football days. No dice for us, as Taco Bell was calling anway. After losing the first game badly, and then mixing up the teams for another, we ran for the border.
At TB, I learned of Steve's new invented soda beverage. Since he, "doesn't like the taste" of plain diet pepsi, he filled the cup then added a splash of wild cherry. Delicious and ground-breaking, I'd like to go ahead and call it "the Steve."
We sat in the "Rat Pack" booth. It was a circular booth in the corner that seemed to offer the most room, and also gave a little pride to the habitants. I could just see Frank now, ripping open the fire sauce with his teeth and doucing it on his 89 cent soft taco.They should hang a framed Rat Pack picture above the booth with the caption of Frank saying,"Who do ya gotta f--k around here to get a chalupa?"
I'd like to see this Friday-after football game evolve into playing video games in one of our dens. Hopefully, though, we won't be drinking wine and checking out the new lawnmower while waiting our turn.
ck
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
11-12/200, some good most bad
If you're familiar with the pilots overflying Minneapolis 150 miles, this is very funny...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0_9TIi76a4
http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2009/news/0911/gallery.Donald_Trump_jet/index.html
Thank you Rico and the other 3, for reading.
God Bless
ck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0_9TIi76a4
http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2009/news/0911/gallery.Donald_Trump_jet/index.html
Thank you Rico and the other 3, for reading.
God Bless
ck
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
11-11/Old Country Road, Westbury
Dear BlueJeanBaby44433,
Have you seen the new McDonald's on 15th? Id love to buy you a number 3.
ck
Have you seen the new McDonald's on 15th? Id love to buy you a number 3.
ck
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
11-10/Line of the day
"my religion:
I'm Roman Catholic, not super religious, but still think Jesus is a great guy. Santa too. "
- not by me
ck
I'm Roman Catholic, not super religious, but still think Jesus is a great guy. Santa too. "
- not by me
ck
Monday, November 9, 2009
11-09/die symptome der schweinegrippe
Christopher is....looking forward to beating the swine flu without antibiotics because his doctor cant see him till wednesday.
Christopher is....excited with the expected weight loss from the swine flu.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zijoZ-x6V7s part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR83wBEz_hg&feature=related part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnCPdLlUgvo&feature=featured berlin wall falling.
ck
Christopher is....excited with the expected weight loss from the swine flu.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zijoZ-x6V7s part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR83wBEz_hg&feature=related part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnCPdLlUgvo&feature=featured berlin wall falling.
ck
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
11-03/Highlights from Yanks Phils Game 5
AJ Burnett stares in for the signs. *credit Steve Famoso
Chase Utley celebrates his second home run.
Wade Boggs' horse still awaits.
ck
Thursday, October 29, 2009
10-29/Thank You Rico
That line in phenomenal.
Me, though, this night is worse than when the "Friends" writers thought is was believable that Joey and Rachel actually would have a shot. c'mon.
Thank you for inventing, "Nobody, zero." It has the power to offend people in Canada that don't know what you're talking about.
Got any lines in that rolodex of yours for my headliner?
CK
Me, though, this night is worse than when the "Friends" writers thought is was believable that Joey and Rachel actually would have a shot. c'mon.
Thank you for inventing, "Nobody, zero." It has the power to offend people in Canada that don't know what you're talking about.
Got any lines in that rolodex of yours for my headliner?
CK
10-29/You Make Me Laugh, Canteen Boy
As I continue on my journey of hotels and feigned sense of importance, I look to my hotel points to dictate. I meet, I act smart, I do my job. I use big words like, minimum separation, efficiency, safety. Each comment I make, a flash appears of a 32 in TV sitting in a creative wooden box.
The lack of a DVR has caused me to lose fluidity to my TV watching. Watching TV live again has reminded me of the good old days, where when the house phone rang, it very well could have been for me. These days, when I am home, the house phone ringing does not even register with me. Sometimes I don't even hear it, as I am startled to understand why Father exclaims, "Who the F*#k is calling now."
The Office, this Halloween Thursday, was nothing to get excited about. So much so that I decided to iron a shirt in my hotel room. So much so, I decided to eradicate my "suite" fridge of all frozen vegetables I had bought earlier in the week. So much so, I ate Almonds on the bed flipping to the Shithead vs. Shithead baseball game.
I finished ironing, ate steamed microwaved vegetables , and sipped on wine. Wine was free, along with dinner, in the lobby, but I had opted to pretend I was taking a second glass of wine to my room for a lover. That lover ended up being Tina Fey.
As much of a lackluster episode the Office was, 30 Rock has gotten better and better since it's season premiere 3 weeks ago. I can watch Tina, and Liz Lemon and think very happy thoughts that resurrect above unhappy ones, as I remember why I think Liz/Tina is so loveable and so damn funny. Plenty of funny stuff from everyone else on the show too.
Enjoy your Friday, as I ASScela my way home.
As you wrap up your work week and groom your mustaches for an interesting Halloween, listen to this as I continue my Passion Pit bandwagon tour. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frHHS5FZWnM
ck
The lack of a DVR has caused me to lose fluidity to my TV watching. Watching TV live again has reminded me of the good old days, where when the house phone rang, it very well could have been for me. These days, when I am home, the house phone ringing does not even register with me. Sometimes I don't even hear it, as I am startled to understand why Father exclaims, "Who the F*#k is calling now."
The Office, this Halloween Thursday, was nothing to get excited about. So much so that I decided to iron a shirt in my hotel room. So much so, I decided to eradicate my "suite" fridge of all frozen vegetables I had bought earlier in the week. So much so, I ate Almonds on the bed flipping to the Shithead vs. Shithead baseball game.
I finished ironing, ate steamed microwaved vegetables , and sipped on wine. Wine was free, along with dinner, in the lobby, but I had opted to pretend I was taking a second glass of wine to my room for a lover. That lover ended up being Tina Fey.
As much of a lackluster episode the Office was, 30 Rock has gotten better and better since it's season premiere 3 weeks ago. I can watch Tina, and Liz Lemon and think very happy thoughts that resurrect above unhappy ones, as I remember why I think Liz/Tina is so loveable and so damn funny. Plenty of funny stuff from everyone else on the show too.
Enjoy your Friday, as I ASScela my way home.
As you wrap up your work week and groom your mustaches for an interesting Halloween, listen to this as I continue my Passion Pit bandwagon tour. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frHHS5FZWnM
ck
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
10-27/PHL blues
We talked about this over the weekend.
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/10/27/david-spade-chris-farley-family-defend-new-directv-ad/
ck
http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/10/27/david-spade-chris-farley-family-defend-new-directv-ad/
ck
Thursday, October 22, 2009
10-23/Halloween Horrows
It's official. Magnum P.I. Guess who is going to be who.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrk9wsQtUgc
Still in Philadelphia. Backed up on some articles for you all.
Trick or treat.
ck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrk9wsQtUgc
Still in Philadelphia. Backed up on some articles for you all.
Trick or treat.
ck
Friday, October 16, 2009
10-16/The Pizza Man Lives!
http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2008/10/pizza-man.html
On a cold and rainy Friday afternoon, my colleague and I walked through the FAA Cafe as we normally did every day at lunch. Today there was no umpf, no zest, and no special. We decided we'd hike across the street to try the pizza place.
Situated in a strip mall that catered to most of JFK's workers, the pizza place shared its inhabitance with a Check cashing place, Chinese take-out, and a deli that seemed to take most of the lunch crowd.
Excited to always try a new slice of pizza, we sat down at a table and had at it. I briefly took notice of someone saying, "onions," at the counter, but continued on my merry way talking to Dan about Atlantic City.
This onion gentleman now appeared at the table diagonal from us, and he settled in with a tuna sandwich on a roll, and a bottle of water. He wore a very nice suit, with a fancy tie that was so close to his top button, it almost was attached to his Adam's apple. Probably around 50, he wore designer framed glasses, and had a shaved head.
He dined alone, and obviously had something on his mind. Almost as if he was blind he stared towards the window for a bit and then searched for his bottle of water. Unsuccessful for a few moments, he snapped out of his trance and turned his head toward the .5 liter of Poland Spring and grabbed it.
Next he arranged his sandwich by ensuring that it was broken in half by completely separating the pieces and placing them neatly on the plate. He slightly opened his mouth doing so, as if his hands were of a lovers,' teasing him gently with edible sensuality.
Then the moment arrived.
He grabbed the left half with his left hand. Soon after his right hand joined in the heavy lifting. Contorting the sandwich around to protect gravity from stealing any morsel of the the minced fish, his mouth opened wide causing him to squint through his rectangular lenses. Then the trance began.
The eyes released from the squint and opened again towards the window. He chewed as if he was reciting a prayer, and then swallowed with a wince as if it was a annoying distraction. But before he could sulk that he no longer had food, he jammed another mouthful of the remaining half - his eyes and mouth now wide looking like the bite even took him by surprise. He completed the bite by shaking his head back and forth like a crocodile killing its prey.
After completing his chew, his eyes remained fixed on the window. He grabbed the water, this time remembering where it exactly was so he could continuing staring, unblinking, at what appeared to be a cartoon pizza man affixed to the window flipping a pie. His head tilted backwards to accommodate the cold bottled water, eyes remaining level at the pizza man.
I started laughing and Dan asked me why. I said I would tell him later, and we left.
ck
On a cold and rainy Friday afternoon, my colleague and I walked through the FAA Cafe as we normally did every day at lunch. Today there was no umpf, no zest, and no special. We decided we'd hike across the street to try the pizza place.
Situated in a strip mall that catered to most of JFK's workers, the pizza place shared its inhabitance with a Check cashing place, Chinese take-out, and a deli that seemed to take most of the lunch crowd.
Excited to always try a new slice of pizza, we sat down at a table and had at it. I briefly took notice of someone saying, "onions," at the counter, but continued on my merry way talking to Dan about Atlantic City.
This onion gentleman now appeared at the table diagonal from us, and he settled in with a tuna sandwich on a roll, and a bottle of water. He wore a very nice suit, with a fancy tie that was so close to his top button, it almost was attached to his Adam's apple. Probably around 50, he wore designer framed glasses, and had a shaved head.
He dined alone, and obviously had something on his mind. Almost as if he was blind he stared towards the window for a bit and then searched for his bottle of water. Unsuccessful for a few moments, he snapped out of his trance and turned his head toward the .5 liter of Poland Spring and grabbed it.
Next he arranged his sandwich by ensuring that it was broken in half by completely separating the pieces and placing them neatly on the plate. He slightly opened his mouth doing so, as if his hands were of a lovers,' teasing him gently with edible sensuality.
Then the moment arrived.
He grabbed the left half with his left hand. Soon after his right hand joined in the heavy lifting. Contorting the sandwich around to protect gravity from stealing any morsel of the the minced fish, his mouth opened wide causing him to squint through his rectangular lenses. Then the trance began.
The eyes released from the squint and opened again towards the window. He chewed as if he was reciting a prayer, and then swallowed with a wince as if it was a annoying distraction. But before he could sulk that he no longer had food, he jammed another mouthful of the remaining half - his eyes and mouth now wide looking like the bite even took him by surprise. He completed the bite by shaking his head back and forth like a crocodile killing its prey.
After completing his chew, his eyes remained fixed on the window. He grabbed the water, this time remembering where it exactly was so he could continuing staring, unblinking, at what appeared to be a cartoon pizza man affixed to the window flipping a pie. His head tilted backwards to accommodate the cold bottled water, eyes remaining level at the pizza man.
I started laughing and Dan asked me why. I said I would tell him later, and we left.
ck
10-16/Fall Email Cleaning
My email has been cluttered, and I decided to clean it out. Along with stomach-aching pictures, I found a possible prologue to my book that I had started ( and still only 3 chapters in ) - yes this is also the screenplay, hopefully to be narrated by Morgan Freeman.
Have fun making fun.
--------------------------
Legend, myth, or religion, has us to believe that in the beginning, it was Adam and Eve. One day, the same day as luck would have it, they both discovered there was something weird underneath these leaves attached to their bodies. Get it on.
From there on, man was with woman. Woman was with man. Then someone figured out a way for man to be with man, and after some contorting, woman was with woman. Then one day a cow moo-ed, and some weirdo was with animal. Then woman was with machine, then man was with door frame. Not sure how much emotion was included, but certainly there was some amount of pain, mixed with pleasure.
No matter how you slice it, since the dawn of time, our bodies were meant to interact with others. I think the higher powers envisioned it to be with other humans, but hey, everyone gets lonely. While there are many integral parts to the body that keeps us living, it appears that the heart and mind work together night and day. Sometimes they work for you, and you pay them well, and then sometimes they fuck you over.
If you pay them well, and keep tequila away from them, they come to work on time, always have nice ironed shirts, and for the most part work through lunch. If you ever let them hit a karaoke bar together, they’ll be shitfaced by 8pm, and singing “Love stinks” until the regulars brow beat them out the door. Then they’ll hit an Irish bar and drink whiskey until the morning when they are supposed to be at work.
All of a sudden, you have a broken heart, and your mind has no idea how to fix it.
With this power to make or break you, they are the most powerful tandem since the Captain and Tenile. It’s always best to keep them happy, and sober, reporting to work on time.
The heart, an amazing part of machinery, is made of valves and chambers, that pump blood to all parts of your body. Not only can it feel pain physically, but its life is personified by the hurt of emotional pain. As the mind analyzes mental pain, it calls the heart on its lunch break and tells it all the stuff that’s going on.
These two are inseparable, and they WILL make or break you.
ck
Have fun making fun.
--------------------------
Legend, myth, or religion, has us to believe that in the beginning, it was Adam and Eve. One day, the same day as luck would have it, they both discovered there was something weird underneath these leaves attached to their bodies. Get it on.
From there on, man was with woman. Woman was with man. Then someone figured out a way for man to be with man, and after some contorting, woman was with woman. Then one day a cow moo-ed, and some weirdo was with animal. Then woman was with machine, then man was with door frame. Not sure how much emotion was included, but certainly there was some amount of pain, mixed with pleasure.
No matter how you slice it, since the dawn of time, our bodies were meant to interact with others. I think the higher powers envisioned it to be with other humans, but hey, everyone gets lonely. While there are many integral parts to the body that keeps us living, it appears that the heart and mind work together night and day. Sometimes they work for you, and you pay them well, and then sometimes they fuck you over.
If you pay them well, and keep tequila away from them, they come to work on time, always have nice ironed shirts, and for the most part work through lunch. If you ever let them hit a karaoke bar together, they’ll be shitfaced by 8pm, and singing “Love stinks” until the regulars brow beat them out the door. Then they’ll hit an Irish bar and drink whiskey until the morning when they are supposed to be at work.
All of a sudden, you have a broken heart, and your mind has no idea how to fix it.
With this power to make or break you, they are the most powerful tandem since the Captain and Tenile. It’s always best to keep them happy, and sober, reporting to work on time.
The heart, an amazing part of machinery, is made of valves and chambers, that pump blood to all parts of your body. Not only can it feel pain physically, but its life is personified by the hurt of emotional pain. As the mind analyzes mental pain, it calls the heart on its lunch break and tells it all the stuff that’s going on.
These two are inseparable, and they WILL make or break you.
ck
Thursday, October 15, 2009
10-15/HorseSh*t and HandCream
My past experiences of some of the greatest "bankers' hours" events has been limited to a drunken recap of a scenario that has just occurred.
Me ( usually at work ) : "hello"
whoever : "You gotta see it, a whole bachelorette party"
Me : "what?"
who : "all of em, ( putting phone away from mouth ) nobodies ( yelling in their direction )
Me : " where..?"
who : " I was just having cappuccinos with Pete Sampras, he had to leave to meet up with Brady Quinn and they are going squirrel hunting. Then all these putans marched in. "
Finally I am a part of these festivities, as now I can attend anything that you all can attend with my "bankers' hours."
This Saturday October 17, Far Hills will be hosting their annual Steeplechase Championship, otherwise known as, "The Hunt." The "classy" tailgate, as I always imagined it, involves a class conflict all drinking together to celebrate horsies.
I remember a few years back Paps mentioning "the Hunt." The first couple of times he said it, I didn't register what exactly this was. Between me thinking about what I would order for lunch and zoning out at work, I thought he was talking about a not very nice female, otherwise referring to her as "That **NT." Really he was talking up, "The Hunt."
This year, as I'll proudly mention again, I have weekends off finally and have been invited to this year's Hunt. Never having been there before, I thought about last year and how I got a play by play, inspiring me to write http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2008/10/food-committee.html, as a review of 2008's event.
Here's what I can remember.....
Phone call # 1 - 1 hour into it.
" I tell you what. There are lots of fine broads here. This is where you want to be."
Phone call # 2 - 3 hours into it.
" If you want to find a nice girl, this is it. Class................Class. Probably nice families, catholic......this one, look at this one. Probably went to Vandy..."
Phone call # 3 - 5 hours into it.
EXTREMELY LOUD
"You gotta see these spreads. Brisket. Wine. CLASS baby, CLASS. UUU--FA! Como se dice! This one just walked by in a sundress. It's 50 degrees out. CLASS baby. "
I'm not sure exactly how this year will pan out. Rain for four days should make the ground nice and muddy. My bow tie may not make it out, but seeing Fabe in mock wellington boots might just make up for it.
ck
Me ( usually at work ) : "hello"
whoever : "You gotta see it, a whole bachelorette party"
Me : "what?"
who : "all of em, ( putting phone away from mouth ) nobodies ( yelling in their direction )
Me : " where..?"
who : " I was just having cappuccinos with Pete Sampras, he had to leave to meet up with Brady Quinn and they are going squirrel hunting. Then all these putans marched in. "
Finally I am a part of these festivities, as now I can attend anything that you all can attend with my "bankers' hours."
This Saturday October 17, Far Hills will be hosting their annual Steeplechase Championship, otherwise known as, "The Hunt." The "classy" tailgate, as I always imagined it, involves a class conflict all drinking together to celebrate horsies.
I remember a few years back Paps mentioning "the Hunt." The first couple of times he said it, I didn't register what exactly this was. Between me thinking about what I would order for lunch and zoning out at work, I thought he was talking about a not very nice female, otherwise referring to her as "That **NT." Really he was talking up, "The Hunt."
This year, as I'll proudly mention again, I have weekends off finally and have been invited to this year's Hunt. Never having been there before, I thought about last year and how I got a play by play, inspiring me to write http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2008/10/food-committee.html, as a review of 2008's event.
Here's what I can remember.....
Phone call # 1 - 1 hour into it.
" I tell you what. There are lots of fine broads here. This is where you want to be."
Phone call # 2 - 3 hours into it.
" If you want to find a nice girl, this is it. Class................Class. Probably nice families, catholic......this one, look at this one. Probably went to Vandy..."
Phone call # 3 - 5 hours into it.
EXTREMELY LOUD
"You gotta see these spreads. Brisket. Wine. CLASS baby, CLASS. UUU--FA! Como se dice! This one just walked by in a sundress. It's 50 degrees out. CLASS baby. "
I'm not sure exactly how this year will pan out. Rain for four days should make the ground nice and muddy. My bow tie may not make it out, but seeing Fabe in mock wellington boots might just make up for it.
ck
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
10-13/Magic Carpet Ride
I sat on top of a 2 foot stone wall that lined the edges of the walkway in the Magic Kingdom. My undershirt was drenched in sweat, and the white polo above it hung wrinkled as if he came out of the dryer just a little damp. A sun shower started and I decided that I would take cover before I had a wet t-shirt contest duel with Minnie.
Motorized carts whizzed by driven by obese people, morbidly obese people, old people, and even young people. You had to wonder if the young people had any problems, or if they just didn't want to walk around.
A grandfather drove an electric wheelchair with his grandson sitting affectionately on top. They stopped and congregated with the child's mother, and assumed grandmother, donned in a Mickey Mouse Halter Top circa 1988. I tried not to make fun of the gathering since I was in the Magic Kingdom with my parents, Godparents, sister and boyfriend, Godparents son and girlfriend, daughter, and two teenage sons - at this moment taking pictures of them coming down Splash Mountain. I had no right.
Then the grandfather stopped the wheelchair, and the grandson got off his lap. "End of the line," I thought. The grandfather will just have to wat.....then with a spring in his step, grandpa jumped up and grabbed the grandson by hand and ran to the end of the ride's line as if the 4 people they would beat would mean hours of time saved.
Bewildered, I went back to holding the camera ready for my family to come down the slide. I thought about last nights flight, and how the captain thanked me over the PA for "having pull" all along the coast and getting us in early. How Zach, my Jetblue boy kept bringing me free wine the whole flight. How 3 people thanked me as they walked by my row, obviously guessing that I was "him."
Nobody. Zero. (RR)
Now, my next excitement came in the form of ice cream shaped like Mickey.
In all seriousness, the wine and food fair ( held in the convention center that formerly was home to "Body Wars" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Wars ) was pretty great. I don't pretend to know or care about the "swirl and sniff" moves, but I do enjoy wines and learning about the different cultures. Up and Coming - Argentinean and Israel Wine.
The highlight of the trip was sitting next to my Godmother on the Buzz Lightyear ride, where you have to shoot lasers from your car and a real score populated on your monitor. Jack Sparrow now appears in "Pirates of the Carribean" 3 times, and our guide on the "Jungle Cruise," who looked and acted like an "ex," mockingly hit on my Godparent's very in-shape teenage son. Great.
Before I knew it I was back in the airport preparing for the flight home. I joked and spoke business with Paps on the phone, not realizing that the mother across from me was now breastfeeding her child. I had gone into a trance as we spoke about Ole Miss' tailgating tradition, and as I daydreamed about myself in seersucker, I was gazing right in the mom's direction. When I snapped out of it I became uncomfortable when I realized what had just happened.
I escaped towards the men's room, where an unusually long line had formed. In front of me an eastern European man gave his rollaway suitcase to his wife, who responded with a Polish-sounding admonition, or at least that's what I'm assuming by her tone. We made our way in, and the man checked to see if there was any vacancy in the stalls. The only open urinal was a bowl shaped protrusion, I'm assuming available for handicap users.
This wasn't an option for him, and most certainly not for me, so I followed him over to the stall area. He returned to the urinal row, since a normal one had opened up, but I stayed over in the other section. Realizing that there was going to be no room over there for a while, I turned back.
The eastern European was now set up in the middle of the pack with his shorts around his ankles, and his blue briefs pulled down to around his thighs. I decided to do the "look at my watch and realize I need to go do something else" routine, and headed out the door.
It was almost time to board the plane, so I just hid in the corner listening to the Passion Pit's "Eyes Like Candles," until it had no meaning. It was time to go home more tired than when I had arrived.
I need a vacation.
ck
Motorized carts whizzed by driven by obese people, morbidly obese people, old people, and even young people. You had to wonder if the young people had any problems, or if they just didn't want to walk around.
A grandfather drove an electric wheelchair with his grandson sitting affectionately on top. They stopped and congregated with the child's mother, and assumed grandmother, donned in a Mickey Mouse Halter Top circa 1988. I tried not to make fun of the gathering since I was in the Magic Kingdom with my parents, Godparents, sister and boyfriend, Godparents son and girlfriend, daughter, and two teenage sons - at this moment taking pictures of them coming down Splash Mountain. I had no right.
Then the grandfather stopped the wheelchair, and the grandson got off his lap. "End of the line," I thought. The grandfather will just have to wat.....then with a spring in his step, grandpa jumped up and grabbed the grandson by hand and ran to the end of the ride's line as if the 4 people they would beat would mean hours of time saved.
Bewildered, I went back to holding the camera ready for my family to come down the slide. I thought about last nights flight, and how the captain thanked me over the PA for "having pull" all along the coast and getting us in early. How Zach, my Jetblue boy kept bringing me free wine the whole flight. How 3 people thanked me as they walked by my row, obviously guessing that I was "him."
Nobody. Zero. (RR)
Now, my next excitement came in the form of ice cream shaped like Mickey.
In all seriousness, the wine and food fair ( held in the convention center that formerly was home to "Body Wars" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Wars ) was pretty great. I don't pretend to know or care about the "swirl and sniff" moves, but I do enjoy wines and learning about the different cultures. Up and Coming - Argentinean and Israel Wine.
The highlight of the trip was sitting next to my Godmother on the Buzz Lightyear ride, where you have to shoot lasers from your car and a real score populated on your monitor. Jack Sparrow now appears in "Pirates of the Carribean" 3 times, and our guide on the "Jungle Cruise," who looked and acted like an "ex," mockingly hit on my Godparent's very in-shape teenage son. Great.
Before I knew it I was back in the airport preparing for the flight home. I joked and spoke business with Paps on the phone, not realizing that the mother across from me was now breastfeeding her child. I had gone into a trance as we spoke about Ole Miss' tailgating tradition, and as I daydreamed about myself in seersucker, I was gazing right in the mom's direction. When I snapped out of it I became uncomfortable when I realized what had just happened.
I escaped towards the men's room, where an unusually long line had formed. In front of me an eastern European man gave his rollaway suitcase to his wife, who responded with a Polish-sounding admonition, or at least that's what I'm assuming by her tone. We made our way in, and the man checked to see if there was any vacancy in the stalls. The only open urinal was a bowl shaped protrusion, I'm assuming available for handicap users.
This wasn't an option for him, and most certainly not for me, so I followed him over to the stall area. He returned to the urinal row, since a normal one had opened up, but I stayed over in the other section. Realizing that there was going to be no room over there for a while, I turned back.
The eastern European was now set up in the middle of the pack with his shorts around his ankles, and his blue briefs pulled down to around his thighs. I decided to do the "look at my watch and realize I need to go do something else" routine, and headed out the door.
It was almost time to board the plane, so I just hid in the corner listening to the Passion Pit's "Eyes Like Candles," until it had no meaning. It was time to go home more tired than when I had arrived.
I need a vacation.
ck
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
10-08/Pains of My Labor Pt. V
It was a beautiful Sunday morning. My air mattress started off fully inflated, so my slumber was not too bad. Something was wrong though; I wasn't hung over.
I headed downstairs and puttered through the kitchen. This morning I didn't feel like cooking, but I surveyed the rations and what was available. Shortly after, Paps arrived, shirtless as usual. He disappeared and I heard the door slam shut, followed a few seconds later by another slam. Nope, still not improved.
The rest of the house was still in deep slumber, so we decided to put on real clothes ( not a swimsuit ) and head out to town. There was a bit of a nip in the air, a harbinger of the end of many things to come. We hit the diner in town, a massive place that could hold up to 18 people.
I sat on the side of the booth that faced the tennis courts; inspired by the U.S. Open that was going on minutes from my house, but many miles from our present position. An attractive young lady was playing tennis, badly, with an older gentleman that was probably named Morty. He also probably had 6 cars, 3 of them convertibles, a summer home in all corners of the country, and most likely a boat, simply named "$," maybe with a smiley face next to it.
The diner was bustling with activity, and people watching was at an all time high. A man with two kids taking up a section meant for 8 - a hipster trio talking about money - a couple who jumped at the opportunity to sit at the counter, scoffing at those that wanted to wait for a table.
A teenager eventually occupied a booth that could hold 4. He was joined by an older gentleman, a young child, and a smoking hot close to 30 year old, dolled up in a way that she had some vices to hide.
Phil and I shared French Toast, and wondered if we'd ever be this rich.
Short of apple picking, we enjoyed the fruits of the town for a Sunday Morning. Making a turn down a road, Larry David and guest were leaving their house. Paps saw Tiki Barber in a convertible, and I swore I saw Brad and Angelina driving in a 50's Mercedes convertible. (They were in France or something) I was excited to get back to the house to do nothing, and when we arrived, the other campers were preparing themselves for a day at the beach. 85 degrees of sun with a warm breeze.....was not what it was like this day.
Their cab arrived to take them to the public beach, a place where you needed an unattainable parking pass to park. I declined to accompany them, as Paps and I wanted to work on our model ship in a bottle.
Paps and I decided to head out to explore the north side beaches, so we packed up Belmont and went on our pilgrimage. The beach was cluttered with thousands of little rocks, and we played a rousing game of throw this rock the closest to that rock. It reminded me of earlier, when 85 year old Gladys told us about the "clubs"in the area, as she sat and watched her grandaughter clam in the bay.
I'm actually falling asleep writing this right now.
Somehow me and Paps got drunk and made our way back to the house where we ate steak sandwiches. Business was slowly picking up on this last twilight of our Hamptons excursion. The roommates arrived back, annoyed that we finally started to have fun. I was reminded of when I first met them, and a silhouette of Paps face appeared reminding me, "Who are they? They're nobodies, that's who......Nobodies."
We got a "throw the football and a dive into the pool game" going. After wearing my bathing suit for most of the weekend, I ironically jumped into the pool wearing my regular shorts. When the ball flew into the trees, I decided to walk shirtless in between the shrubs. Acting like Sasquatch, I got the nickname 'bear.'
Uninterested in showering inside, I got my shampoo and body wash and bathed in the pool. Apparently the roommates wanted to prepare for their polar bear club activities and bathe the next day, so I disrupted the equilibrium of the pool. I felt bad, then "Nobodies" whispered through my head.
We continued power hour(s) through the rest of the evening, deciding on where we would go. Our goal was http://www.stephentalkhouse.com/, which looked like a great place to go, however I wasn't understanding of their economics.
The cover for their 8 p.m. band was 100 dollars, 10 p.m. 10 dollars, and 1130 was 25 dollars. I think we showed up at 945 p.m. and they wanted the 100 dollars. No one was in there. We ended up going to the Irish bar next door for a while, actually having a pretty good time there. One person in the bar stood out as "looks familiar," and Paps with the call announced it was Mark Prior. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Prior
At the Irish Bar a gentleman asked one of our lady friends to dinner. Married, he was on some Harvard Medical School Board proven by a large piece of gauze attached to his face and a worn out baseball cap that said "Harvard" on it. Networking.
We eventually went next door back to the Talkhouse, but had missed the 10 dollar cover, and had to pony up 25. Entering the place I was presently surprised, as the outdoor bar area was full of people, but in arranged in a comfortable symmetry allowing easy passage through the crowd.
As if it was a giveaway night at the ballgame, Paps got 3 numbers by just walking into the place. I got a shot of Jaeger, that I paid for.
Inside the building was another bar area that played faster, dance-type music, but bottle-necked into the main room/bar where the bands played. I quickly found myself alone as Paps took a meeting in the fast/dance bar, and CD took care of some paperwork.
After Paps finished up, he joined me for a few drinks in between his next meeting. After talking for a while, he invited me to observe, but I told him that I had a meeting of my own with a housemate. He replied, "Nobodies." Got it.
So we danced to the live music = Paps danced to the live music and I stood in the corner.
We met lots of people = me in the corner/Paps 3 more numbers.
CD left some things in his briefcase at the house, so he had to get back early, eventually leading Paps and I to retreat back to the house. Searching for a livery cab that would take us back, Paps jumped in and bargained. A second later another local cab driver announced that our trip would be a large percentage less so we jumped in with him.
The two drivers were at odds over this and alot of "halalalalalalala" ensued. As I urged the driver to leave so I could make cheeseburgers back at the house, our 1:00 clients entered the cab. Paps' eyes lit up as if a drunk bachelorette party had just walked in begging to party.
I = Cheeseburger.
Paps' client could barely speak, and her friend had a boyfriend, and I wanted a fucking cheeseburger. They allegedly asked us to party at their empty mansion but I had some business back at the house - cheeseburger - that needed attention immediately.
We almost hit a deer and then we were back home. I ate a cheeseburger. CD's business associate was on the couch.
Great Night.
ck
I headed downstairs and puttered through the kitchen. This morning I didn't feel like cooking, but I surveyed the rations and what was available. Shortly after, Paps arrived, shirtless as usual. He disappeared and I heard the door slam shut, followed a few seconds later by another slam. Nope, still not improved.
The rest of the house was still in deep slumber, so we decided to put on real clothes ( not a swimsuit ) and head out to town. There was a bit of a nip in the air, a harbinger of the end of many things to come. We hit the diner in town, a massive place that could hold up to 18 people.
I sat on the side of the booth that faced the tennis courts; inspired by the U.S. Open that was going on minutes from my house, but many miles from our present position. An attractive young lady was playing tennis, badly, with an older gentleman that was probably named Morty. He also probably had 6 cars, 3 of them convertibles, a summer home in all corners of the country, and most likely a boat, simply named "$," maybe with a smiley face next to it.
The diner was bustling with activity, and people watching was at an all time high. A man with two kids taking up a section meant for 8 - a hipster trio talking about money - a couple who jumped at the opportunity to sit at the counter, scoffing at those that wanted to wait for a table.
A teenager eventually occupied a booth that could hold 4. He was joined by an older gentleman, a young child, and a smoking hot close to 30 year old, dolled up in a way that she had some vices to hide.
Phil and I shared French Toast, and wondered if we'd ever be this rich.
Short of apple picking, we enjoyed the fruits of the town for a Sunday Morning. Making a turn down a road, Larry David and guest were leaving their house. Paps saw Tiki Barber in a convertible, and I swore I saw Brad and Angelina driving in a 50's Mercedes convertible. (They were in France or something) I was excited to get back to the house to do nothing, and when we arrived, the other campers were preparing themselves for a day at the beach. 85 degrees of sun with a warm breeze.....was not what it was like this day.
Their cab arrived to take them to the public beach, a place where you needed an unattainable parking pass to park. I declined to accompany them, as Paps and I wanted to work on our model ship in a bottle.
Paps and I decided to head out to explore the north side beaches, so we packed up Belmont and went on our pilgrimage. The beach was cluttered with thousands of little rocks, and we played a rousing game of throw this rock the closest to that rock. It reminded me of earlier, when 85 year old Gladys told us about the "clubs"in the area, as she sat and watched her grandaughter clam in the bay.
I'm actually falling asleep writing this right now.
Somehow me and Paps got drunk and made our way back to the house where we ate steak sandwiches. Business was slowly picking up on this last twilight of our Hamptons excursion. The roommates arrived back, annoyed that we finally started to have fun. I was reminded of when I first met them, and a silhouette of Paps face appeared reminding me, "Who are they? They're nobodies, that's who......Nobodies."
We got a "throw the football and a dive into the pool game" going. After wearing my bathing suit for most of the weekend, I ironically jumped into the pool wearing my regular shorts. When the ball flew into the trees, I decided to walk shirtless in between the shrubs. Acting like Sasquatch, I got the nickname 'bear.'
Uninterested in showering inside, I got my shampoo and body wash and bathed in the pool. Apparently the roommates wanted to prepare for their polar bear club activities and bathe the next day, so I disrupted the equilibrium of the pool. I felt bad, then "Nobodies" whispered through my head.
We continued power hour(s) through the rest of the evening, deciding on where we would go. Our goal was http://www.stephentalkhouse.com/, which looked like a great place to go, however I wasn't understanding of their economics.
The cover for their 8 p.m. band was 100 dollars, 10 p.m. 10 dollars, and 1130 was 25 dollars. I think we showed up at 945 p.m. and they wanted the 100 dollars. No one was in there. We ended up going to the Irish bar next door for a while, actually having a pretty good time there. One person in the bar stood out as "looks familiar," and Paps with the call announced it was Mark Prior. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Prior
At the Irish Bar a gentleman asked one of our lady friends to dinner. Married, he was on some Harvard Medical School Board proven by a large piece of gauze attached to his face and a worn out baseball cap that said "Harvard" on it. Networking.
We eventually went next door back to the Talkhouse, but had missed the 10 dollar cover, and had to pony up 25. Entering the place I was presently surprised, as the outdoor bar area was full of people, but in arranged in a comfortable symmetry allowing easy passage through the crowd.
As if it was a giveaway night at the ballgame, Paps got 3 numbers by just walking into the place. I got a shot of Jaeger, that I paid for.
Inside the building was another bar area that played faster, dance-type music, but bottle-necked into the main room/bar where the bands played. I quickly found myself alone as Paps took a meeting in the fast/dance bar, and CD took care of some paperwork.
After Paps finished up, he joined me for a few drinks in between his next meeting. After talking for a while, he invited me to observe, but I told him that I had a meeting of my own with a housemate. He replied, "Nobodies." Got it.
So we danced to the live music = Paps danced to the live music and I stood in the corner.
We met lots of people = me in the corner/Paps 3 more numbers.
CD left some things in his briefcase at the house, so he had to get back early, eventually leading Paps and I to retreat back to the house. Searching for a livery cab that would take us back, Paps jumped in and bargained. A second later another local cab driver announced that our trip would be a large percentage less so we jumped in with him.
The two drivers were at odds over this and alot of "halalalalalalala" ensued. As I urged the driver to leave so I could make cheeseburgers back at the house, our 1:00 clients entered the cab. Paps' eyes lit up as if a drunk bachelorette party had just walked in begging to party.
I = Cheeseburger.
Paps' client could barely speak, and her friend had a boyfriend, and I wanted a fucking cheeseburger. They allegedly asked us to party at their empty mansion but I had some business back at the house - cheeseburger - that needed attention immediately.
We almost hit a deer and then we were back home. I ate a cheeseburger. CD's business associate was on the couch.
Great Night.
ck
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
10-07/"It's Just Odd and a Little Bit Offensive"
I said excuse me little mama if I may
Take this thought and send it your way
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back,
But I just gotta sayI wanna be on you (on you)
I wanna be on you (on you)
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back
-Ne Yo / Flo Rida
I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.
-Ron Burgundy
Is this a well known situation and I got the memo late?
ck
Take this thought and send it your way
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back,
But I just gotta sayI wanna be on you (on you)
I wanna be on you (on you)
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back
-Ne Yo / Flo Rida
I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.
-Ron Burgundy
Is this a well known situation and I got the memo late?
ck
Friday, October 2, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
10-01/Calling All Plastic Surgeons
Fwd: Opportunity to be on TV
From:Matt Baseball (chach@.com)
Sent:Thu 10/01/09 2:21 PM
To:Chris
Bro, right up your alley!!!
Sent from my iPhone
Begin forwarded message:
From: Tim
Date: October 1, 2009 12:38:57 PM EDT
Subject: Opportunity to be on TV
MEMO
To: All MSBL/MABL League Presidents
From: Steve Sigler
I have been contacted by the ABC TV Show, The Bachelorette.
As stated in their memo to me -
The search is on for 25 suitors, age 25-35, who will meet the next Bachelorette. Do you know someone with the personality, charisma and a sense of adventure, who is ready to have some fun and possibly find true love?
They are looking, through our league, for men who play baseball.
Please feel free to publicize throughout your league and indicate if someone fits this category to contact Kelli , casting producer - or call -954-.
Thank you!
Steve--
hmmm..........
ck
From:Matt Baseball (chach@.com)
Sent:Thu 10/01/09 2:21 PM
To:Chris
Bro, right up your alley!!!
Sent from my iPhone
Begin forwarded message:
From: Tim
Date: October 1, 2009 12:38:57 PM EDT
Subject: Opportunity to be on TV
MEMO
To: All MSBL/MABL League Presidents
From: Steve Sigler
I have been contacted by the ABC TV Show, The Bachelorette.
As stated in their memo to me -
The search is on for 25 suitors, age 25-35, who will meet the next Bachelorette. Do you know someone with the personality, charisma and a sense of adventure, who is ready to have some fun and possibly find true love?
They are looking, through our league, for men who play baseball.
Please feel free to publicize throughout your league and indicate if someone fits this category to contact Kelli , casting producer - or call -954-.
Thank you!
Steve--
hmmm..........
ck
10-01/So You Think You Can What?
SYTYCD - I watched 5 minutes of this show during a piece on a "romantic ballroom" dance team. The woman was the only one that was trying out, but the companion was only there to help her in support. His white shirt was open to reveal his chest, and it was spread in a fashion where it must have been glued open. I don't know how this is accomplished, however it must involve alot of starch or perhaps crazy glue.
Modern Family - The best show on TV right now. It's good to see Al Bundy back, except he's rich and his new character's personality is a bit toned down from Al. Ty Burrell, "Phil" is already taking the lead as most Arrested Development like character. Funny guy, uses alot of physical humor.
Glad to see updates from Dubai.
ck
Modern Family - The best show on TV right now. It's good to see Al Bundy back, except he's rich and his new character's personality is a bit toned down from Al. Ty Burrell, "Phil" is already taking the lead as most Arrested Development like character. Funny guy, uses alot of physical humor.
Glad to see updates from Dubai.
ck
Monday, September 28, 2009
09-27/Pains of My Labor Pt. IV
Theoretically I was sleeping on the floor. I was protected from the countless amounts of crime scene evidence by my not inflated air mattress - now acting as a body condom. My hips hurt, due to the way I often violently throw myself around during sleep. In this setup, I was cushioned only by a centimeter or two of rubber, and 2 inches of air that never stood a chance. Recharge the damn pump, immediately.
Paps looked like an extra from the movie ET, where all the scientists took over the house trying to keep the environment sterile.
I limbered down the stairs - my eyes coming in contact with blue goose first. I guess we had wheeled it in the middle of the night. I moved it slightly, and it responded with the muffled sounds of ice cold water sloshing around. Opening it up I was happy to find a mix of about a dozen MLs and bullets.
Setting the tone for the rest of the day, I found myself to be bored. Naturally, I started to cook potatoes, followed by prepping for the rest of breakfast by shredding cheese.
One of the guests rumbled down the stairs, immediately set on making coffee. Sounded good to me, except it was some sort of nut blend - a blend I don't mind, but not my favorite. A beer will do instead. Just then, the sift and snap of a ML brought me out to the living room/kitchen/patio. It was Paps, cracking one open. Mark it, 8:35 a.m.
The rest of the house eventually came to. I suppose they weren't able to sleep through the door slamming 15 times, a result of Paps constantly checking if things got better. Nope.
Breakfast was delicious. CD was unable to finish his hearty 6 egg omelet, citing that it was "terrible, disgusting, and I wish you weren't my friend." He slammed down his fork, threw the plate and jumped off the high chair.
Discouraged I threw the rest of the food out the window, and we prepared to start our day. Lucky for me I was already dressed from the night before, just a couple of ketchup stains and ripped T-shirt away from not looking like a homeless person.
We hopped in the Audi and drove into town, where we found a lovely bar. Setting myself on trying to look so bumish that people would have to think I was rich, we swaggered in and ordered some drinks. Before I could even say "Captain an...." B Kennedy was already discovered. Almost as if choreographed for an attack, countless hot 30 year olds assembled in attack formation, taking different angles from around the bar, wineglasses in hand. I watched tennis.
After a hearty amount of drinking I checked out some 400 dollar sunglasses. It wasn't my style though. I didn't have to say it, but my ketchup stains did, just like in that Tide to Go commercial when the guy goes on an interview.
We got back to the house and I prepared the hamburgers and cold pasta salad. It was delicious. Now if only a Golden Girls marathon....Lucky day.
Paps and I sat on the couch watching intently. We sang the theme song as if it was our life, and at that very moment it was. Briefly interested in the truth or dare game going on outside, Blanche did something slutty, Sofia made a great one liner, and Dorothy went "Maaa!" so I was back to focusing on the TV.
A few more, "Nobody cares." and we were off to bed.
"This day is almost over, tomorrow is going to be really quick, and Monday we're leaving. It's like 3 hours, tops."
ck
Paps looked like an extra from the movie ET, where all the scientists took over the house trying to keep the environment sterile.
I limbered down the stairs - my eyes coming in contact with blue goose first. I guess we had wheeled it in the middle of the night. I moved it slightly, and it responded with the muffled sounds of ice cold water sloshing around. Opening it up I was happy to find a mix of about a dozen MLs and bullets.
Setting the tone for the rest of the day, I found myself to be bored. Naturally, I started to cook potatoes, followed by prepping for the rest of breakfast by shredding cheese.
One of the guests rumbled down the stairs, immediately set on making coffee. Sounded good to me, except it was some sort of nut blend - a blend I don't mind, but not my favorite. A beer will do instead. Just then, the sift and snap of a ML brought me out to the living room/kitchen/patio. It was Paps, cracking one open. Mark it, 8:35 a.m.
The rest of the house eventually came to. I suppose they weren't able to sleep through the door slamming 15 times, a result of Paps constantly checking if things got better. Nope.
Breakfast was delicious. CD was unable to finish his hearty 6 egg omelet, citing that it was "terrible, disgusting, and I wish you weren't my friend." He slammed down his fork, threw the plate and jumped off the high chair.
Discouraged I threw the rest of the food out the window, and we prepared to start our day. Lucky for me I was already dressed from the night before, just a couple of ketchup stains and ripped T-shirt away from not looking like a homeless person.
We hopped in the Audi and drove into town, where we found a lovely bar. Setting myself on trying to look so bumish that people would have to think I was rich, we swaggered in and ordered some drinks. Before I could even say "Captain an...." B Kennedy was already discovered. Almost as if choreographed for an attack, countless hot 30 year olds assembled in attack formation, taking different angles from around the bar, wineglasses in hand. I watched tennis.
After a hearty amount of drinking I checked out some 400 dollar sunglasses. It wasn't my style though. I didn't have to say it, but my ketchup stains did, just like in that Tide to Go commercial when the guy goes on an interview.
We got back to the house and I prepared the hamburgers and cold pasta salad. It was delicious. Now if only a Golden Girls marathon....Lucky day.
Paps and I sat on the couch watching intently. We sang the theme song as if it was our life, and at that very moment it was. Briefly interested in the truth or dare game going on outside, Blanche did something slutty, Sofia made a great one liner, and Dorothy went "Maaa!" so I was back to focusing on the TV.
A few more, "Nobody cares." and we were off to bed.
"This day is almost over, tomorrow is going to be really quick, and Monday we're leaving. It's like 3 hours, tops."
ck
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
09-14/Pains of My Labor Pt. II
"So, this is the great housesitting job you found.....This place is a dump."
"Just wait until you see the pool...."
Purple Couch.
Nestled in the middle of the Sherwood forest, 45 Sherwood Lane welcomed us into its gravel landing strip. There to help us with bags and groceries were 100 spiders.
"This is not a party house," rang through my head, as I managed to safely navigate through the living room into the kitchen without breaking anything. Wide eyed, I looked around the massive living room - a gigantic 12 inch flat screen gracing the shelf of a bookcase.
On the wall hung Steven Glasberg's 4th grade masterpiece, "I found a pastel set, and saw a boat once."
The house smelled of rich mahogany, drizzled with moth balls and suntan lotion. I couldn't wait to deep fry something, just to give my olfactics a smell that didn't make me want to vomit. We let the other housemates relax as we unpacked all their food for the weekend, especially since the sun dial said that there would only be about 47 minutes of sunlight breaking through the trees.
Since the groceries took up the last remaining seat in the car, we left CD at the store with his computer and a sandwich bigger than his hands. We jumped back into the car and returned to town. Unfortunately it took a while to get him since we got stuck behind an old horse and buggy.
Purple Couch.
"Yo no sé por qué dejar los zapatos en la casa. Tengo que limpiar después de su grasa detrás de todo el dÃa. Sus hijos van a crecer como usted!!!"
"Yes dear."
After we arrived back from town we decided to relax a little on the stained couch. Hoping that is was a mustard stain from 1987, I shifted to the right to make sure I didn't come into contact with it. If only there was a 'Married with Children' marathon on. Jackpot!
I started prepping for the dinner by preparing my guacomole and fried tortilla appetizer. The skirt steaks had been marinating all day, and were ready to be grilled. Some of us don't eat red meat.
That evening comprised of card drinking games that nobody cared about, I mean, nobody - zero - and cake. More cake for some than others. Thank God Austin Powers came on.
When it was all said and done, our choices were another yellow stained sheet bed, or an uninflated air mattress on a hard wood floor. I got the floor, thankfully, and Paps put on his spacesuit and laid in the "bed."
Here's to a hearty 3 hour sleep. See you in the morning.
ck
"Just wait until you see the pool...."
Purple Couch.
Nestled in the middle of the Sherwood forest, 45 Sherwood Lane welcomed us into its gravel landing strip. There to help us with bags and groceries were 100 spiders.
"This is not a party house," rang through my head, as I managed to safely navigate through the living room into the kitchen without breaking anything. Wide eyed, I looked around the massive living room - a gigantic 12 inch flat screen gracing the shelf of a bookcase.
On the wall hung Steven Glasberg's 4th grade masterpiece, "I found a pastel set, and saw a boat once."
The house smelled of rich mahogany, drizzled with moth balls and suntan lotion. I couldn't wait to deep fry something, just to give my olfactics a smell that didn't make me want to vomit. We let the other housemates relax as we unpacked all their food for the weekend, especially since the sun dial said that there would only be about 47 minutes of sunlight breaking through the trees.
Since the groceries took up the last remaining seat in the car, we left CD at the store with his computer and a sandwich bigger than his hands. We jumped back into the car and returned to town. Unfortunately it took a while to get him since we got stuck behind an old horse and buggy.
Purple Couch.
"Yo no sé por qué dejar los zapatos en la casa. Tengo que limpiar después de su grasa detrás de todo el dÃa. Sus hijos van a crecer como usted!!!"
"Yes dear."
After we arrived back from town we decided to relax a little on the stained couch. Hoping that is was a mustard stain from 1987, I shifted to the right to make sure I didn't come into contact with it. If only there was a 'Married with Children' marathon on. Jackpot!
I started prepping for the dinner by preparing my guacomole and fried tortilla appetizer. The skirt steaks had been marinating all day, and were ready to be grilled. Some of us don't eat red meat.
That evening comprised of card drinking games that nobody cared about, I mean, nobody - zero - and cake. More cake for some than others. Thank God Austin Powers came on.
When it was all said and done, our choices were another yellow stained sheet bed, or an uninflated air mattress on a hard wood floor. I got the floor, thankfully, and Paps put on his spacesuit and laid in the "bed."
Here's to a hearty 3 hour sleep. See you in the morning.
ck
Friday, September 11, 2009
09-11/Pains of My Labor Pt.I
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. As Miley Cyrus helped us dance our way to the Hamptons with the drop top down, we might as well have been the models from Zoolander dancing in the gasoline. Except one model was fat in our rendition.
I relearned that there was a Roy Rogers off the Sunrise Highway on the William Floyd Parkway. Pointing it out after it had been noticed was the first step to remembering it forever, however it didn't yield to anything except for the thought of a roast beef and cheese.
The Sunrise Highway also has many bathrooms along side of it. CD was able to find one by logging onto his PC and searching for one. Even though it took him a while to find one, he searched and searched. He also procrastinated finishing Mrs. Kendall's class report on Metormorphic Rocks by playing solitaire and minesweeper. It didn't matter though, his printer was out of ink.
We laughed and smiled, the warm wind blowing through our hair. Thoughts of Rico in a cubicle passed through my mind. I smiled. Rico.
After making great time, we entered the one lane bottleneck into the illustrious Hamptons. A corn husking machine welcomed us to our right, conveniently located next to a playground. The children could laugh and play and sing, as fresh corn shucked by thousands and thousands of razors shot out from only a few feet away.
The car had been loaded up. Since Audi convertibles were not known for their hauling ability, room was tight. There was a hierarchy of what would make it on our trip.
Non Perishable Foods
Mother K had warned me of not finding acceptable prices on food-stuffs out in the Hamptons. So I had poured over all the circulars looking for great deals on block cheese, and frozen broccoli. Thankfully my boxes of squash and bottles of vegetable oil fit into the trunk.
Blue Goose - aka a cooler
Blue Goose was summoned on the trip so that a wheelable cooler was available. This would help when a cooler full of beer could be wheeled around a deck or living room.
Air Mattress/Pillow
This would be an integral part of the night, so that a person could sleep on it inflated 20 percent and offer a pleasant snoring slumber to a roommate in a bed full of yellow stained sheets.
Luggage and backpacks
Unfortunately there was no room for clean clothes and bags with toothbrushes and deodorants. These would have to be left at train stations or the side of the road.
ck
I relearned that there was a Roy Rogers off the Sunrise Highway on the William Floyd Parkway. Pointing it out after it had been noticed was the first step to remembering it forever, however it didn't yield to anything except for the thought of a roast beef and cheese.
The Sunrise Highway also has many bathrooms along side of it. CD was able to find one by logging onto his PC and searching for one. Even though it took him a while to find one, he searched and searched. He also procrastinated finishing Mrs. Kendall's class report on Metormorphic Rocks by playing solitaire and minesweeper. It didn't matter though, his printer was out of ink.
We laughed and smiled, the warm wind blowing through our hair. Thoughts of Rico in a cubicle passed through my mind. I smiled. Rico.
After making great time, we entered the one lane bottleneck into the illustrious Hamptons. A corn husking machine welcomed us to our right, conveniently located next to a playground. The children could laugh and play and sing, as fresh corn shucked by thousands and thousands of razors shot out from only a few feet away.
The car had been loaded up. Since Audi convertibles were not known for their hauling ability, room was tight. There was a hierarchy of what would make it on our trip.
Non Perishable Foods
Mother K had warned me of not finding acceptable prices on food-stuffs out in the Hamptons. So I had poured over all the circulars looking for great deals on block cheese, and frozen broccoli. Thankfully my boxes of squash and bottles of vegetable oil fit into the trunk.
Blue Goose - aka a cooler
Blue Goose was summoned on the trip so that a wheelable cooler was available. This would help when a cooler full of beer could be wheeled around a deck or living room.
Air Mattress/Pillow
This would be an integral part of the night, so that a person could sleep on it inflated 20 percent and offer a pleasant snoring slumber to a roommate in a bed full of yellow stained sheets.
Luggage and backpacks
Unfortunately there was no room for clean clothes and bags with toothbrushes and deodorants. These would have to be left at train stations or the side of the road.
ck
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
09-09/Wait Patiently
Read this while we wait for Pains of My Labor....
http://news.aol.com/article/hiker-falls-after-marriage-proposal-on/659548
ck
http://news.aol.com/article/hiker-falls-after-marriage-proposal-on/659548
ck
Thursday, September 3, 2009
09-03/Sunday Menu
Breakfast - Top of the Muffin to you!
Eggs Benedict or Good Old Fashioned cooked to order
Poached Eggs with Canadian bacon drizzled with Hollandaise Sauce
on an English Muffin
Dinner- Phil's got crabs! I mean clams!
All American Clam Bake
Phil has come back from clamming, and he's got clams!
Fresh clam meat baked in a wonderful medley of spices and bread crumbs. Delish.
Honey BBQ Chicken
Boneless Chicken Thighs marinated in bbq sauce and honey,
grilled to a smokey brown.
Served with Ranch Dressing on toasted Garlic Bread
Rosemary and Garlic Roasted Potato Wedges
They are wedges of potato roasted in rosemary and garlic.
Dessert
Watermelon
Ask Rico what's in that Watermelon and why there is a hole in it.....or just have a piece or 7!
ck
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
09-01/Saturday Menu
A long evening of laughing, singing songs on guitar over a bonfire, and Zima, will be followed by a relaxing night's rest. Then, wake up to your "Scintillating Saturday" in East Hampton.
"Scintillating Saturday"
East Hampton, NY
Labor Day 2009
-----------------~~~~~~---------------
Guten Morgen, Bon Matin, Ohayo Gozaimasu, Buenos Dias
Good Morning!
OMELETE OF YOUR CHOICE
Visit Chef CK's morning omelet station with your choice of feta, swiss, or cheddar cheese oozing out of three fluffy eggs prepared in omelet fashion. Just in from a run? CK will set you up with egg whites, for your morning protein burst! ( if not already received )
PANCAKES ALA RICO
For those looking for a barrage of batter, you can have all you can eat pancakes, served with butter and maple syrup, escorted by fresh melon wedges.
BACON AND COUNTRY HOME FRIED POTATOES
Wake up to the smell of frying bacon, as it crackles with potatoes fried with onion and pepper.
COFFEE TEA AND FRESH ORANGE JUICE
Nudge your lover awake with a cup of his or her favorite morning beverage....
They will love you forever!!!*
* not included
-----------------~~~~~~~~~-----------------
Back from the beach??? Let's Eat!!!
BBQ LOBSTER TAILS
Fresh lobster tails grilled to perfection in a lemon garlic butter sauce.
Not for Land Lubbers!!
FRESH SIRLOIN BURGERS
For those that don't like that fishy taste, enjoy a sirloin burger stuffed with your favorite cheese.
COLD PASTA SALAD AND GARLIC SAUTEED BROCCOLI
Italy's greatest invention and broccoli will make you go bapa bapa bapa ba ba bappabadda ba da da!!!
---------------~~~~~~~~~-----------------
APPLE COBBLER
Celebrate the fruits of your LABOR with a fresh warm apple cobbler. Served with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. Better wake up early for that beach run with CD!!
ck
Monday, August 31, 2009
8-31/Friday Night Menu
Every day this week, I will be releasing the Hamptons Menu. For any concerns or special requests, please contact me.
Friday Evening Welcome Mixer
followed by
Dinner on the Veranda
----------------~~~~~~---------------
Fresh Guacamole Dip served with Home Made Tortilla chips
A delightful medley of Waldbaum's finest in season avocados, red onion, and a splash of lime juice, served delicately with fresh pan fried tortilla chips. It will make Colin go "mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!"
Assortment of Potato Chips, Pretzels and fresh French Onion dip.
Enjoy a cocktail of your choice, while talking to Phil about his hair products and flat stomach.
---------------~~~~~~-------------
In the Main Dining room/Screened in Porch
Marinated Rico Skirt Steak Skewers
An inexhaustibly marinated skirt steak, barbecued to perfection, is served along with America's favorite San Francisco Treat. A beer battered corn-on-the-cob boils in its juices on the grill for your delight.
Mixed Garden Salad with your choice of dressing*
Crisp Romaine Lettuce with fresh Vegetables from Mom and Pop's Rte 27 stand, will help round off your meal and keep you as thin as Dooley.
*dressings include Paul Newman's Italian, Lite Italian, Thousand Island or CK's balsamic and oil Italian Mix
---------------~~~~~~-------------
Coffee and Tea as desired or after dinner drink of your choice
Ice Cream Sandwiches
Nothing says welcome to a great American weekend like a couple of Ice Cream Sandwiches. Talk about Sports! or who you would F, K, or M, - even though you dream about lost loves as you look up at the twilight fading into a beautiful moonlit sky....
Welcome!
ck
Friday, August 28, 2009
8-28/Inap@work
http://games.venturebeat.com/2009/04/17/iphone-app-lets-you-get-away-with-napping-at-work/
Congrats to the work-release program Philadelphia Eagles, and their "awesome" fans who not only welcomed Michael Vick, but gave him a standing ovation, as he ran out onto the field for his first game since incarceration.
Two hard core fans high fived repeatedly and then embraced, jumping up and down. "We got Vick!!!!! We got Vick!!!" they celebrated.
Changes at the Lincoln-Financial consisted of removing the name "hot dogs" from concessions and renaming them "Philly weiners," after the fans. After touchdowns, an AV presentation of Vick running with a Yorkshire Terrier at the Westminster Dog Show will be shown, finished by him holding up the 1st place medal.
ck
Congrats to the work-release program Philadelphia Eagles, and their "awesome" fans who not only welcomed Michael Vick, but gave him a standing ovation, as he ran out onto the field for his first game since incarceration.
Two hard core fans high fived repeatedly and then embraced, jumping up and down. "We got Vick!!!!! We got Vick!!!" they celebrated.
Changes at the Lincoln-Financial consisted of removing the name "hot dogs" from concessions and renaming them "Philly weiners," after the fans. After touchdowns, an AV presentation of Vick running with a Yorkshire Terrier at the Westminster Dog Show will be shown, finished by him holding up the 1st place medal.
ck
Thursday, August 27, 2009
08-27/Listen Up
500 Days of Summer is the best movie I have seen in a while.
If you look closely you can see me with my shirt on....
http://www.hamptons.com/live_view.php?camID=1
Take a look at KFC's new invention for me to eat at 3am in Penn...
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/food/2009/08/26/2009-08-26_kfcs_new_double_down_sandwich_swaps_bun_for_two_deepfried_chicken_breasts_extra_.html
ck
If you look closely you can see me with my shirt on....
http://www.hamptons.com/live_view.php?camID=1
Take a look at KFC's new invention for me to eat at 3am in Penn...
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/food/2009/08/26/2009-08-26_kfcs_new_double_down_sandwich_swaps_bun_for_two_deepfried_chicken_breasts_extra_.html
ck
Monday, August 24, 2009
08-24/Philadelphia's Ted Hierl
http://konzern.lufthansa.com/en/html/presse/pressemeldungen/index.html?c=nachrichten/app/show/en/2009/08/952/HOM&s=0
It's about that time of year again. Lufthansa flight attendants will be dressed in Bayerisch (Bavarian) traditional clothing for 3 flights to celebrate Oktoberfest.
Ted Hierl is the chairman for the September German activities.
http://cazoo.org/TedHierl.html
ck - Today I used the word "egregious" at work to describe Gov. Patterson's remarks.
It's about that time of year again. Lufthansa flight attendants will be dressed in Bayerisch (Bavarian) traditional clothing for 3 flights to celebrate Oktoberfest.
Ted Hierl is the chairman for the September German activities.
http://cazoo.org/TedHierl.html
ck - Today I used the word "egregious" at work to describe Gov. Patterson's remarks.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
08-19/Peter......What's Happening
It's the art of looking busy.
Things are going well, but I apologize for my lack of funniness. Stay tuned for something soon.
Looks like I made it, just about a year too late.
ck
Friday, August 14, 2009
08-14/Baseball Interpreted by Paps
Apparantly this is what Paps believes my playoff game looks like.
http://www.monticellolive.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/tball.png
ck
http://www.monticellolive.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/tball.png
ck
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
07-30/News and Notes from Around the League
Thanks to roving reporters Paps and Dools, we have updates from around the League.
My clone got the "no undershirt, not scared to show my chest" gene.
Uncle Dave tapped his foot waiting for his queue to start the sax line to "Who Could it be Now?"
ck
My clone got the "no undershirt, not scared to show my chest" gene.
Uncle Dave tapped his foot waiting for his queue to start the sax line to "Who Could it be Now?"
ck
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
07-29/R-E-S-P-E-C-T
http://www.bsideblog.com/images/2008/09/227_cast.jpg
"Also cast in 227 was Jackée Harry as the building's sexy vamp, Sandra Clark, who constantly bickered back and forth with Mary about their respective views on life." from wikipedia
-----------------
As she explained the company policies, ethics and what was expected of him, Chris wanted to show that he was paying attention. As he filed through different phrases of what to say, like "I see," or "I understand," the only thing that came to his mind was, "I feel that."
ck
"Also cast in 227 was Jackée Harry as the building's sexy vamp, Sandra Clark, who constantly bickered back and forth with Mary about their respective views on life." from wikipedia
-----------------
As she explained the company policies, ethics and what was expected of him, Chris wanted to show that he was paying attention. As he filed through different phrases of what to say, like "I see," or "I understand," the only thing that came to his mind was, "I feel that."
ck
Friday, July 24, 2009
07-24/Jack and Lisa down by the Schoolyard
I like my coffee with just a little bit of skim milk. The robust, charry, bean flavor is just dampened by a trickle of the milk. If I'm doing the pouring, it sometimes makes a plop, and therefor I do not need to stir it.
Coffee never was a big deal to me until college. I guess I didn't need it back then, however it would have given me a reason to go in early to school. As much as I loved sitting with Jack and Lisa while me and Fabian played "who's going to go the longest without making eye contact with a girl," I really had no reason to go in early.
The two-door gold Hyundai Excel puttered up to Blue Bay and I exited there, so my father could make the next left turn that put him on the LIE. The absence of radio drove me to bringing a walkman; the headphones probably a souvenir from Delta when we flew to Florida.
I'd listen to Howard Stern, and relay to dad when he was talking about a part of a woman's anatomy, or if she was undressing or having an orgasm contest. I would try to get the point across without having to say the word "orgasm."
The little prick that I was, could have talked to him the measly 10 minute drive, but instead I wanted to listen to that dumb fuck, or hope to hear "Too Close" by Next. In that case I could sing some of the words at lunch so that Mike Agrusa would think I was cool.
"Baby when we're lying, I get so slighted, Ooh how I like it, I'm shy but I'll just try it..."
I'd still give dad a kiss goodbye, the gesture leaving the scent of an expensive cologne around my face. His cologne, when combined with his suit, made his person worth more than the car that encased him. Somewhere 5 miles behind us, a teacher was getting into a sparkly new Audi A4.
For me, though, the trace of cologne combined with my rayon tie, which was one small step above a clip-on. This definitely made me a slam pig for anyone in the band that was showing up to the German Club party later that night.
High School left us in the middle of the pack, very able to stay out of the spotlight. Whether that meant we would never be cool, nor nerds, it seemed that we'd forever live in the comfort of mediocrity.
People like Paps and John kept their close ties to the upper echelon, often getting me the respect of a hallway nod from the greats like, Gill, or Godek, because of my affiliation. Thanks to John, Dina T would nervously smile when I approached, instead of the normal, "I think the milk was sour," type of face.
Steve ate his sandwich slowly and used words like "herb" and "wet towel."
We could have done more with ourselves. I could have smoked cigarettes with Mike Chatterton, perhaps then I could have asked him to explain to me what he meant when he called me "straight edge."
I should have used the prestige of being on the Varsity Golf Team to getting us into more parties with Mike Schmidt.
That was ten years ago. Now we have our own parties, some of us smoke cigarettes, Steve still uses the word "herb" and "wet towel." I even know the words to some dance songs.
"I wanna make love right now now now, I wanna make love right now now. Should have never broke up right now now now We need to leave Club right now now now."
Now you've got your Fire Island's and your Hamptons. Your love's lost and never found again. Good luck and be well.
- this speech delivered at the German Club reunion. Mr. Hiller clapped furiously, dropping his Leberkase pizza. Then he looked around and wondered where Paps and Fabe were.
ck
Coffee never was a big deal to me until college. I guess I didn't need it back then, however it would have given me a reason to go in early to school. As much as I loved sitting with Jack and Lisa while me and Fabian played "who's going to go the longest without making eye contact with a girl," I really had no reason to go in early.
The two-door gold Hyundai Excel puttered up to Blue Bay and I exited there, so my father could make the next left turn that put him on the LIE. The absence of radio drove me to bringing a walkman; the headphones probably a souvenir from Delta when we flew to Florida.
I'd listen to Howard Stern, and relay to dad when he was talking about a part of a woman's anatomy, or if she was undressing or having an orgasm contest. I would try to get the point across without having to say the word "orgasm."
The little prick that I was, could have talked to him the measly 10 minute drive, but instead I wanted to listen to that dumb fuck, or hope to hear "Too Close" by Next. In that case I could sing some of the words at lunch so that Mike Agrusa would think I was cool.
"Baby when we're lying, I get so slighted, Ooh how I like it, I'm shy but I'll just try it..."
I'd still give dad a kiss goodbye, the gesture leaving the scent of an expensive cologne around my face. His cologne, when combined with his suit, made his person worth more than the car that encased him. Somewhere 5 miles behind us, a teacher was getting into a sparkly new Audi A4.
For me, though, the trace of cologne combined with my rayon tie, which was one small step above a clip-on. This definitely made me a slam pig for anyone in the band that was showing up to the German Club party later that night.
High School left us in the middle of the pack, very able to stay out of the spotlight. Whether that meant we would never be cool, nor nerds, it seemed that we'd forever live in the comfort of mediocrity.
People like Paps and John kept their close ties to the upper echelon, often getting me the respect of a hallway nod from the greats like, Gill, or Godek, because of my affiliation. Thanks to John, Dina T would nervously smile when I approached, instead of the normal, "I think the milk was sour," type of face.
Steve ate his sandwich slowly and used words like "herb" and "wet towel."
We could have done more with ourselves. I could have smoked cigarettes with Mike Chatterton, perhaps then I could have asked him to explain to me what he meant when he called me "straight edge."
I should have used the prestige of being on the Varsity Golf Team to getting us into more parties with Mike Schmidt.
That was ten years ago. Now we have our own parties, some of us smoke cigarettes, Steve still uses the word "herb" and "wet towel." I even know the words to some dance songs.
"I wanna make love right now now now, I wanna make love right now now. Should have never broke up right now now now We need to leave Club right now now now."
Now you've got your Fire Island's and your Hamptons. Your love's lost and never found again. Good luck and be well.
- this speech delivered at the German Club reunion. Mr. Hiller clapped furiously, dropping his Leberkase pizza. Then he looked around and wondered where Paps and Fabe were.
ck
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
07-13/Sailing the High C's, Pt. IV
And now the dramatic conclusion.
------------------
Young Roxanne had enjoyed herself a little too much on this trip, as she had been having cocktail after cocktail. Showing the Men's bathroom how great of time she had been having, it resulted in making it unusable for the rest of the trip.
As the queue built up for the woman's bathroom, CK wobbled over and waited. After he made it to the promised land, he emerged and saw the young gentleman, his suit disheveled and a scowl on his face.
"It's no problem, bro," CK said, adding that its all over.
"It is a problem, and it's not over," the young man said, taking CK by surprise.
A lack of riboflavin in CK's diet, had made him feel very cool, almost like he could get away with wearing Aviator sunglasses, even at night. He responded with a pat on the young man's chest,
"Then I guess we will settle it on the dock."
"I guess we will."
"I guess we will."
Feeling like a tough guy, CK left the dining room/bathroom/lounge cabin, and headed to the Lido deck, probably trailing a piece of toilet paper on his shoe.
CK emerged onto the Lido deck, hoping to get a dance with Coco. He was discussing nautical knowledge with a young lady, showing her how to navigate by stars. CK descended back to the dining area, and he saw a scuffle ensuing.
The young man had continued his antics, motivating Baker to ask him to calm down. In slow motion, he used the C word in describing Baker, unleashing the fury of the Fab.
"Only I get to call her that!" the angry Fab exclaimed, having to be restrained.
Out of nowhere, Glass Joe jumped through the plated glass window arriving in the dining room ready to rumble.
The ship's second officer/bartender arrived on scene to break it up.
CK tried to explain that things had gone awry because of the young man's comments.
"Not the girls man, not the girls!" CK said over and over. Glass Joe punched a life preserver in agreement.
"Take us back to the dock!"
Tools O'Shea had been in the U.S. for about 3 weeks and had befriended almost everyone on the boat. He took CK aside to calm him down.
"It's naught wert it, me friend." His kind eyes making up for grabbing a fistful of CK's shirt.
The final straw had been broken and the ship powered back to port. CK felt bad about the situation and wadded up a five dollar bill, shoving it into the hand of the purser/second officer/bartender/bouncer.
"Sorry for the trouble man," CK said, not realizing the douche chills he will be feeling for the next weeks to come.
The excitement of the situation brought everyone down to earth, and the group escaped together without ever hearing from the young man again.
Paps celebrated the evening by removing his shirt, and CK followed suit, angling the shirt to rest over most of his body anyway.
Randomly Paps starting hailing cabs for girls, secretly hoping that someone would invite him to come with.
The night ended with cocktails at the bar, and telling stories of how great life is when you live in a city.
Then everyone clinked glasses.
ck
------------------
Young Roxanne had enjoyed herself a little too much on this trip, as she had been having cocktail after cocktail. Showing the Men's bathroom how great of time she had been having, it resulted in making it unusable for the rest of the trip.
As the queue built up for the woman's bathroom, CK wobbled over and waited. After he made it to the promised land, he emerged and saw the young gentleman, his suit disheveled and a scowl on his face.
"It's no problem, bro," CK said, adding that its all over.
"It is a problem, and it's not over," the young man said, taking CK by surprise.
A lack of riboflavin in CK's diet, had made him feel very cool, almost like he could get away with wearing Aviator sunglasses, even at night. He responded with a pat on the young man's chest,
"Then I guess we will settle it on the dock."
"I guess we will."
"I guess we will."
Feeling like a tough guy, CK left the dining room/bathroom/lounge cabin, and headed to the Lido deck, probably trailing a piece of toilet paper on his shoe.
CK emerged onto the Lido deck, hoping to get a dance with Coco. He was discussing nautical knowledge with a young lady, showing her how to navigate by stars. CK descended back to the dining area, and he saw a scuffle ensuing.
The young man had continued his antics, motivating Baker to ask him to calm down. In slow motion, he used the C word in describing Baker, unleashing the fury of the Fab.
"Only I get to call her that!" the angry Fab exclaimed, having to be restrained.
Out of nowhere, Glass Joe jumped through the plated glass window arriving in the dining room ready to rumble.
The ship's second officer/bartender arrived on scene to break it up.
CK tried to explain that things had gone awry because of the young man's comments.
"Not the girls man, not the girls!" CK said over and over. Glass Joe punched a life preserver in agreement.
"Take us back to the dock!"
Tools O'Shea had been in the U.S. for about 3 weeks and had befriended almost everyone on the boat. He took CK aside to calm him down.
"It's naught wert it, me friend." His kind eyes making up for grabbing a fistful of CK's shirt.
The final straw had been broken and the ship powered back to port. CK felt bad about the situation and wadded up a five dollar bill, shoving it into the hand of the purser/second officer/bartender/bouncer.
"Sorry for the trouble man," CK said, not realizing the douche chills he will be feeling for the next weeks to come.
The excitement of the situation brought everyone down to earth, and the group escaped together without ever hearing from the young man again.
Paps celebrated the evening by removing his shirt, and CK followed suit, angling the shirt to rest over most of his body anyway.
Randomly Paps starting hailing cabs for girls, secretly hoping that someone would invite him to come with.
The night ended with cocktails at the bar, and telling stories of how great life is when you live in a city.
Then everyone clinked glasses.
ck
Friday, July 10, 2009
07-10/Sailing the High C's, Pt. III
As they entered the vessel, the sweet sounds of a piano and glasses clinking could be heard throughout the dining room. Subtle laughter ran around the cabin, as some of the city's elite dined on hors d'oeuvres.
In one corner, the finest of New Jersey's mozzarella cheeses were deep fried in bread crumbs, heated and chilled. At the port side, they could find a delicious melody of meats and cheese, described by one as "the creme-de-la-crem of Hero's Le Italian e Americano..."
And bagel bites.
The group hoisted themselves onto the Lido Deck where they sipped on welcome cordials.
"I'll have a Grey Goose and tonic," CK said, as he motioned toward the parade of premium bottles hiding behind the bartender.
"Premium liquor is not included today," and he held up a bottle of Kraplakistan's finest vodka, Kraplak.
"Ok, I'll have that and tonic."
CK looked over at Paps and said,
"I wonder how many drinks it will take to get my 50 dollars worth," chuckling at his own miserliness. He briefly thought his mother would be proud at his attempt at getting every penny out of something, like eating alot at a salad bar and taking home half of your meal.
Phil was annoyed. Using his hands to settle CK, he said, "Let's take it easy, just enjoy yourself."
"I thought that would be funny. Like something mom would...."
"No- it wasn't funny."
-------------
All of the beautiful young ladies were finished boarding, and it was time to depart. CK waved to them as their boat passed.
KR finished his Muscle Milk, then started doing pull ups off the side of the Lido Deck.
As the late afternoon turned into dusk, the boat rumbled along the East River, dancing with the Statue of Liberty, then deciding to go up the Hudson. They loved every minute of it, toasting drink after drink, and taking picture after picture.
Coco, who was spotted less than Waldo, just showed his thick hair in a different part of the crowd, every hour on the hour. He would entertain the group by saying things like, " Hi," and "Hey."
CK had hit the dance floor and danced for about 2 minutes, prompting him to text at least one known friend that he was "In a dance-off."
Next, the moment everyone was waiting for had arrived. The human auction.
A parade of young ladies and gentlemen auctioned themselves off for a night of raunchy sexual acts, all benefiting charity. CK had thought it would be a good idea to dance seductively behind one thin gentleman as he was auctioned off.
Looking down at his friends, and giving something resembling the "hang-loose" sign, he started making hip thrusts in the young man's direction. CK turned to put his backside closer to the gentleman as his friends looked on.
Figuring it was enough, he jumped down and joined his friends. Just then Paps' hair started shaking as his conversation became heated with the young man. CK was taken aback by this development, and looked for Coco, who was looking very innocent in the corner.
It appeared that someone had taunted the young man, and it agitated him, creating a stir on the Lido Deck.
"Lets all calm down, we are all here for the same reason," was the mantra, as everyone's inner Suffolk county started frothing to the surface. CK tried to do his best to settle the young man down, but he wanted nothing to do with it.
"He's yelling ZERO, ZERO, ZERO!" the young man said, as he pointed toward the direction of Coco. Coco had taken up a conversation with a young lady, and looked startled to have been confused with the imaginary man.
Paps had come under fire as well. CK had created a dare to be great moment by pretending he wanted to be in a fight. Much like Buster in Arrested D. he was looking for someone to throw a punch.
CK had blocked Paps and now stood with his arms crossed, looking at the young man, who's words now became an incessant river of insults.
"Go have another beer!" he yelled at Paps.
"Ok, I will." Paps replied, as he realized he was fresh out.
CK turned to look at Paps, but this time came face to face with KR, who's fiery eyes were locked at the young man. CK turned back arms folded, and with KR created a wall much like the Tri-Lams did when they blocked the Alpha Betas at the end of Revenge of the Nerds. All they needed was the bass disco beat from the movie, that resembled a much hipper Law and Order opening theme.
The young man settled down, and all was well, for the time being.
----------------
ck
In one corner, the finest of New Jersey's mozzarella cheeses were deep fried in bread crumbs, heated and chilled. At the port side, they could find a delicious melody of meats and cheese, described by one as "the creme-de-la-crem of Hero's Le Italian e Americano..."
And bagel bites.
The group hoisted themselves onto the Lido Deck where they sipped on welcome cordials.
"I'll have a Grey Goose and tonic," CK said, as he motioned toward the parade of premium bottles hiding behind the bartender.
"Premium liquor is not included today," and he held up a bottle of Kraplakistan's finest vodka, Kraplak.
"Ok, I'll have that and tonic."
CK looked over at Paps and said,
"I wonder how many drinks it will take to get my 50 dollars worth," chuckling at his own miserliness. He briefly thought his mother would be proud at his attempt at getting every penny out of something, like eating alot at a salad bar and taking home half of your meal.
Phil was annoyed. Using his hands to settle CK, he said, "Let's take it easy, just enjoy yourself."
"I thought that would be funny. Like something mom would...."
"No- it wasn't funny."
-------------
All of the beautiful young ladies were finished boarding, and it was time to depart. CK waved to them as their boat passed.
KR finished his Muscle Milk, then started doing pull ups off the side of the Lido Deck.
As the late afternoon turned into dusk, the boat rumbled along the East River, dancing with the Statue of Liberty, then deciding to go up the Hudson. They loved every minute of it, toasting drink after drink, and taking picture after picture.
Coco, who was spotted less than Waldo, just showed his thick hair in a different part of the crowd, every hour on the hour. He would entertain the group by saying things like, " Hi," and "Hey."
CK had hit the dance floor and danced for about 2 minutes, prompting him to text at least one known friend that he was "In a dance-off."
Next, the moment everyone was waiting for had arrived. The human auction.
A parade of young ladies and gentlemen auctioned themselves off for a night of raunchy sexual acts, all benefiting charity. CK had thought it would be a good idea to dance seductively behind one thin gentleman as he was auctioned off.
Looking down at his friends, and giving something resembling the "hang-loose" sign, he started making hip thrusts in the young man's direction. CK turned to put his backside closer to the gentleman as his friends looked on.
Figuring it was enough, he jumped down and joined his friends. Just then Paps' hair started shaking as his conversation became heated with the young man. CK was taken aback by this development, and looked for Coco, who was looking very innocent in the corner.
It appeared that someone had taunted the young man, and it agitated him, creating a stir on the Lido Deck.
"Lets all calm down, we are all here for the same reason," was the mantra, as everyone's inner Suffolk county started frothing to the surface. CK tried to do his best to settle the young man down, but he wanted nothing to do with it.
"He's yelling ZERO, ZERO, ZERO!" the young man said, as he pointed toward the direction of Coco. Coco had taken up a conversation with a young lady, and looked startled to have been confused with the imaginary man.
Paps had come under fire as well. CK had created a dare to be great moment by pretending he wanted to be in a fight. Much like Buster in Arrested D. he was looking for someone to throw a punch.
CK had blocked Paps and now stood with his arms crossed, looking at the young man, who's words now became an incessant river of insults.
"Go have another beer!" he yelled at Paps.
"Ok, I will." Paps replied, as he realized he was fresh out.
CK turned to look at Paps, but this time came face to face with KR, who's fiery eyes were locked at the young man. CK turned back arms folded, and with KR created a wall much like the Tri-Lams did when they blocked the Alpha Betas at the end of Revenge of the Nerds. All they needed was the bass disco beat from the movie, that resembled a much hipper Law and Order opening theme.
The young man settled down, and all was well, for the time being.
----------------
ck
Thursday, July 9, 2009
07-09/Sailing the High C's, Pt. II
Downtown, CK and Fab held back tears as the pizza-booze joint offered deals like, " A pie and a pitcher/bottle of wine" for 22 dollars. A slice and a beer was offered at 5 dollars.
As the Czech girl took the orders, Baker looked on the two boys with a quizzical expression. The boys were closely whispering to each other and giggling. Baker's only clues were the words, "pizza," "beer," "wine" coming out in between giggles.
Outside, the skies were turning grey, and then darker grey, setting off Fab's weather alert radio from his pocket. The boat was 'shoving off' in about an hour, and a storm was brewing - the skies looked pretty rough too.
Paps strolled in as the trio was served their slices. Not aware of the deal, he ordered two grandma slices and a beer. As Paps sat down next to him, CK asked the status of Coco.
"Coco is held up. He should be here soon."
CK bit his nail, and was concerned. He didn't want the boat to leave without them. Just then Coco arrived, and everyone breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
"The numbers are in!"
-----------
The rain came down for about 25 minutes, sending the trio running for a cab. CK grew concerned as he knew that water would create a wet T-shirt contest with his name on the 1st place prize. Within two minutes, they were at the dock and waiting for Coco and Paps who accepted walking with umbrellas.
KR and wife waited patiently for the group to arrive. Cracking his neck constantly, and trying to stay loose, KR muscled a hello through clenched teeth.
"So are we ready to have some fun?" CK yelled.
CK flipped through Caddyshack, and Gilligan's Island images trying to come up with a quote to start off the trip.
"I guess we're going on the Minnow....SS Minnow...."
Realizing he was struggling off the bat, he nervously tried to help along the joke by singing,
"Come and knock on my door...I guess Larry will be there at the Regal...." Then realizing he started quoting 'Three's Company' he gave up and checked out the water. KR groaned.
Paps and Coco arrived shortly after. Within minutes, Captain Jib IV, Captree, NY, was open for business.
--------
ck
As the Czech girl took the orders, Baker looked on the two boys with a quizzical expression. The boys were closely whispering to each other and giggling. Baker's only clues were the words, "pizza," "beer," "wine" coming out in between giggles.
Outside, the skies were turning grey, and then darker grey, setting off Fab's weather alert radio from his pocket. The boat was 'shoving off' in about an hour, and a storm was brewing - the skies looked pretty rough too.
Paps strolled in as the trio was served their slices. Not aware of the deal, he ordered two grandma slices and a beer. As Paps sat down next to him, CK asked the status of Coco.
"Coco is held up. He should be here soon."
CK bit his nail, and was concerned. He didn't want the boat to leave without them. Just then Coco arrived, and everyone breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
"The numbers are in!"
-----------
The rain came down for about 25 minutes, sending the trio running for a cab. CK grew concerned as he knew that water would create a wet T-shirt contest with his name on the 1st place prize. Within two minutes, they were at the dock and waiting for Coco and Paps who accepted walking with umbrellas.
KR and wife waited patiently for the group to arrive. Cracking his neck constantly, and trying to stay loose, KR muscled a hello through clenched teeth.
"So are we ready to have some fun?" CK yelled.
CK flipped through Caddyshack, and Gilligan's Island images trying to come up with a quote to start off the trip.
"I guess we're going on the Minnow....SS Minnow...."
Realizing he was struggling off the bat, he nervously tried to help along the joke by singing,
"Come and knock on my door...I guess Larry will be there at the Regal...." Then realizing he started quoting 'Three's Company' he gave up and checked out the water. KR groaned.
Paps and Coco arrived shortly after. Within minutes, Captain Jib IV, Captree, NY, was open for business.
--------
ck
07-09/Sailing the High C's, Pt. I
With much anticipation, I present to you, " Sailing the High C's."
-----------------
Coco shuffled papers around his desk nervously, as he knew that time was running out.
"I've got to get these numbers upstairs before 5, or corporate is going to have my ass!!" he mumbled to himself.
On the other side of the room, Paps made his way out of the elevator, prompting everyone to stand up in their cubicle.
"Hi Paps! - Hey Paps! - Paps, bro, whats happenin? - Hiiiiiiii Pappy...." was heard from each cubicle he passed, strolling from the elevator over to the corner office where you could hear Coco slamming drawers in a rush.
Paps stopped at Susie Watermaker's station, briefly fixing his tie before stepping in.
"Susie girl, what's good?" Paps said slowly, changing the angle of his watch's face as he talked.
"Not much Paps....thanks again for the help on the Penske file, you really got me out of a bind."
"No problem, maybe I'll see you on the boat," Paps said as he cooly slid off the corner of her desk where he had sat during the brief confrontation.
"Maybe..." she said, lowering her eyes. Her mouth slowly curled into a smile as her eyes raised up again to meet his.
"Take care." Paps said with a wink, as he tapped the side of the cubicle, and headed to the corner office.
Paps strutted into Coco's office, and with a twirl shut the door.
"We gotta get going. We're meeting everyone at some pizza-booze joint."
"I don't know if I'm going to get out in time, I can't find my numbers from June. They're going to be on my ass if I don't send the report upstairs before I go," Coco said, as he kept shuffling through papers on his desk.
"Don't give me that shit, just make them up. We really have to get going."
"Not today."
Coco started to look through the papers on his desk feverishly now, knocking over a picture of him with the 2004 NYC Marathon winner, Hendrik Ramaala.
"Just get it done and meet me at the pizza-booze place."
"Whatever," Coco said quietly, as Paps left the office and headed for the elevator.
As the elevator doors closed, all you could hear was,
"Bye Pappy-Bye Paps-See you later bro...........He's so dreamy...." ding.
-----------
Paps walked back into his office, and KR asked him to shut the door.
"I guess Coco is stressed with corporate breathing down his neck," Paps said.
KR stood up uninterested, slamming down a pen. He unbottoned his Haggar shirt and walked over to the door to complete the request that Paps disregarded.
"Yeah, corporate is a bunch of sonsa-bitches," KR said plainly, as he walked to the corner, now only garbed in a Hanes white T-Shirt and Dockers.
"Well, this boat trip is supposed to be fun, he's the one that told me about it," Paps said.
KR opened up a brown box from overstock.com, and took out a pair of Everlast training gloves. He put them on and adjusted them tightly. He then tapped on a framed picture, and started to jump in place.
Tapping on the picture brought him back to that June day in El Paso, when he strolled in to the WKA's Kickboxing convention. He never thought he'd get a picture of him giving the thumbs up in between a posing Ralph Macchio and William Zabka, smiling ear to ear. A rare sight.
The picture hung next to the heavy bag with pride, jumping off the hook ever so slightly when he would give the bag a hearty right.
-------------------
ck
-----------------
Coco shuffled papers around his desk nervously, as he knew that time was running out.
"I've got to get these numbers upstairs before 5, or corporate is going to have my ass!!" he mumbled to himself.
On the other side of the room, Paps made his way out of the elevator, prompting everyone to stand up in their cubicle.
"Hi Paps! - Hey Paps! - Paps, bro, whats happenin? - Hiiiiiiii Pappy...." was heard from each cubicle he passed, strolling from the elevator over to the corner office where you could hear Coco slamming drawers in a rush.
Paps stopped at Susie Watermaker's station, briefly fixing his tie before stepping in.
"Susie girl, what's good?" Paps said slowly, changing the angle of his watch's face as he talked.
"Not much Paps....thanks again for the help on the Penske file, you really got me out of a bind."
"No problem, maybe I'll see you on the boat," Paps said as he cooly slid off the corner of her desk where he had sat during the brief confrontation.
"Maybe..." she said, lowering her eyes. Her mouth slowly curled into a smile as her eyes raised up again to meet his.
"Take care." Paps said with a wink, as he tapped the side of the cubicle, and headed to the corner office.
Paps strutted into Coco's office, and with a twirl shut the door.
"We gotta get going. We're meeting everyone at some pizza-booze joint."
"I don't know if I'm going to get out in time, I can't find my numbers from June. They're going to be on my ass if I don't send the report upstairs before I go," Coco said, as he kept shuffling through papers on his desk.
"Don't give me that shit, just make them up. We really have to get going."
"Not today."
Coco started to look through the papers on his desk feverishly now, knocking over a picture of him with the 2004 NYC Marathon winner, Hendrik Ramaala.
"Just get it done and meet me at the pizza-booze place."
"Whatever," Coco said quietly, as Paps left the office and headed for the elevator.
As the elevator doors closed, all you could hear was,
"Bye Pappy-Bye Paps-See you later bro...........He's so dreamy...." ding.
-----------
Paps walked back into his office, and KR asked him to shut the door.
"I guess Coco is stressed with corporate breathing down his neck," Paps said.
KR stood up uninterested, slamming down a pen. He unbottoned his Haggar shirt and walked over to the door to complete the request that Paps disregarded.
"Yeah, corporate is a bunch of sonsa-bitches," KR said plainly, as he walked to the corner, now only garbed in a Hanes white T-Shirt and Dockers.
"Well, this boat trip is supposed to be fun, he's the one that told me about it," Paps said.
KR opened up a brown box from overstock.com, and took out a pair of Everlast training gloves. He put them on and adjusted them tightly. He then tapped on a framed picture, and started to jump in place.
Tapping on the picture brought him back to that June day in El Paso, when he strolled in to the WKA's Kickboxing convention. He never thought he'd get a picture of him giving the thumbs up in between a posing Ralph Macchio and William Zabka, smiling ear to ear. A rare sight.
The picture hung next to the heavy bag with pride, jumping off the hook ever so slightly when he would give the bag a hearty right.
-------------------
ck
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
06-26/Beat It
The King of Pop is dead. That's right, Michael Jackson has passed on and we are left with a weekend of every club/bar in the city playing Jackson hits. While I'm not against this posthumous display of reverence for one of music's greatest artists, I'm thinking more needs to be done.
I suggested to co-workers this morning that I should star in a one man, off-Broadway production of the life of Michael Jackson. One response was,
"I thought he was anorexic."
followed by,
"I needs to be way off Broadway."
When asked how he-she felt, Person Gaga said, "I heard he went out with a smile on his mouth and a hand on his HUH!"
ck
I suggested to co-workers this morning that I should star in a one man, off-Broadway production of the life of Michael Jackson. One response was,
"I thought he was anorexic."
followed by,
"I needs to be way off Broadway."
When asked how he-she felt, Person Gaga said, "I heard he went out with a smile on his mouth and a hand on his HUH!"
ck
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
