11-26/Let's Go to the Diner

Congratulations everyone. You've made it to the playoffs.

http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2008/10/originalfriday-december-30-2005-oh-boy.html

It's time to get your game face on. Right now, most of you are in the locker room, or your bedroom, prepping for the game.

Locker Room attendant (mom or bellman bringing you your laundry) hanging up your uniform, dress shirt or tight Armani shirt. Leather jacket, smelling extra leathery tonight, or your small shirt that says "slut" or "baby" on it.

Your eye black, or makeup is in your locker, ready to be dispersed. This will help deflect the disco lights as "you can have whatever you like" starts to blast. Make sure you have stretched completely, so when you start f&ck dancing, you don't pull a hammy as you put your hands on the floor and shove your ass into a fine young gentleman, ready for the snap.

Gentlemen, make sure you hit a few Jaeger bombs before entering the field of play. This is your warm up, so that you are nice and loose when you get hit in the first quarter by rejections. The first few hits of the game are always the worst until you are nice and warmed up.

For those of you working like myself, here's a quick rundown of what you'll miss.

Walk into the bar, automatically seeing a dozen people from high school you always promised you'd keep in touch with. After a few, "what up bro", and kisses on the cheek from girls you were never allowed to even look at, you belly up to the bar where there is another "bro" you went to school with. And still don't get hooked up on the drinks.

At first you feel good about yourself, then you see your sister and her friends, and immediately feel ashamed.

You get over it, strike out big with one of her friends. Then you return to the bar to try another shot of getting free drinks from your old compatriot by saying things like "what have you been up to" as 5 other people try to get drinks and you're wasting his time. Take your 6 dollar Corona, and "The next one is on me" and go back to your crew.

Your crew is now talking to the same people you were only good enough to talk to in high school, made up of 6 ok guys, one of them maybe from the swim team or something. This barely makes you feel better since you are hanging with a varsity pro and maybe one of his friends from a more prestigious team will bring over cool girls. Maybe even girls that are now slightly more attainable because you have a good job and they don't.

After another 2 hours of OAR's "Crazy Game of Poker" and trying to ask the dude you sat next to in homeroom about his startup DJ business you start getting tired. You say goofy things like "Let's pick up some chicks and get out of here," or "Let's hit White Castle."

You have a daydream of the football team showing up in their letter jackets, hands in pockets all silent, and everyone goes crazy. You bump into a few more people not paying attention because they are texting someone on their Blackberry, to " Come over to XXXXXX, its pumping."

It ends up at the diner, where you have a swiss cheese omelet and french fries. Do yourself the favor and just go to the diner at 7pm.

You can't change the past, but the future is bright. Especially when you have a Blackberry that you actually need for work.

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