09-27/Pains of My Labor Pt. IV

Theoretically I was sleeping on the floor. I was protected from the countless amounts of crime scene evidence by my not inflated air mattress - now acting as a body condom. My hips hurt, due to the way I often violently throw myself around during sleep. In this setup, I was cushioned only by a centimeter or two of rubber, and 2 inches of air that never stood a chance. Recharge the damn pump, immediately.

Paps looked like an extra from the movie ET, where all the scientists took over the house trying to keep the environment sterile.

I limbered down the stairs - my eyes coming in contact with blue goose first. I guess we had wheeled it in the middle of the night. I moved it slightly, and it responded with the muffled sounds of ice cold water sloshing around. Opening it up I was happy to find a mix of about a dozen MLs and bullets.

Setting the tone for the rest of the day, I found myself to be bored. Naturally, I started to cook potatoes, followed by prepping for the rest of breakfast by shredding cheese.

One of the guests rumbled down the stairs, immediately set on making coffee. Sounded good to me, except it was some sort of nut blend - a blend I don't mind, but not my favorite. A beer will do instead. Just then, the sift and snap of a ML brought me out to the living room/kitchen/patio. It was Paps, cracking one open. Mark it, 8:35 a.m.

The rest of the house eventually came to. I suppose they weren't able to sleep through the door slamming 15 times, a result of Paps constantly checking if things got better. Nope.

Breakfast was delicious. CD was unable to finish his hearty 6 egg omelet, citing that it was "terrible, disgusting, and I wish you weren't my friend." He slammed down his fork, threw the plate and jumped off the high chair.

Discouraged I threw the rest of the food out the window, and we prepared to start our day. Lucky for me I was already dressed from the night before, just a couple of ketchup stains and ripped T-shirt away from not looking like a homeless person.

We hopped in the Audi and drove into town, where we found a lovely bar. Setting myself on trying to look so bumish that people would have to think I was rich, we swaggered in and ordered some drinks. Before I could even say "Captain an...." B Kennedy was already discovered. Almost as if choreographed for an attack, countless hot 30 year olds assembled in attack formation, taking different angles from around the bar, wineglasses in hand. I watched tennis.

After a hearty amount of drinking I checked out some 400 dollar sunglasses. It wasn't my style though. I didn't have to say it, but my ketchup stains did, just like in that Tide to Go commercial when the guy goes on an interview.

We got back to the house and I prepared the hamburgers and cold pasta salad. It was delicious. Now if only a Golden Girls marathon....Lucky day.

Paps and I sat on the couch watching intently. We sang the theme song as if it was our life, and at that very moment it was. Briefly interested in the truth or dare game going on outside, Blanche did something slutty, Sofia made a great one liner, and Dorothy went "Maaa!" so I was back to focusing on the TV.

A few more, "Nobody cares." and we were off to bed.

"This day is almost over, tomorrow is going to be really quick, and Monday we're leaving. It's like 3 hours, tops."

ck