03-25/Thank You for Being a Friend

I've come to a crossroads in my life, where TV provides so much fulfillment to me that without it, I'd be like separating from drugs. Except in this environment I would probably just drink instead.

I realized that I could have easily played a character on many TV shows and made plots that could have been spinoffs to my own show. For example, all the dreck special episodes from the Golden Girls are with weirdo guest stars, except for Leslie Nielsen.

I think that if I would have played Coco, the gay housekeeper, he would have never been written off. But even without that, I think I could have been the neighbor's kid or something. Always dropping by with David Leisure, to help the Empty Nest spin off, I could be getting into wacky situations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZs3wyzH5xs

Maybe one day I could be in Blanche's bedroom looking for something and I come across a big black sex toy of some sort. Then I show it to Charley, and he follows up with his one liners as he walks into the kitchen with it.

I think we should re-create the Golden Girls with ourselves as the main characters. I guess Fabian could act as the Rose character, Phil as Blanche, Colin as Sophia, and I'll be Dorothy since I look like a man playing a woman anyway.

We all can't sleep one night so we meet in the kitchen for midnight steamed wontons and beer. Phil starts talking about the date he had that evening.

Phil "We went to that new place on the corner of Magnolia and US1."
Colin "Thats a good place, close to where you picked her up" (incinuating its a prostitute.)
Me (slamming my hand on the table and turning to Colin)
"Collllllllllllllll !!!!" (sounds like a long "caahhl")

I would love to write myself into Gossip Girl as well. I want to be the desperate to maintain his youth-history teacher, who also coaches baseball. When Blair does something sinister I am the one the always foils her plans, but she never retaliates because she secretly has a crush on me.

It wouldn't be weird like when Dan was banging that young teacher, because I would never give in to her. I'd be more like the Bob Golic character from Saved by the Bell College years - just looking after the kids, and teaching baseball. Eventually attention would be turned on me when Stanford tries to recruit me as the new baseball coach, but everyone tries to keep me at St. Jude's.

All we really need though is to just put us back into St. Francis Prep and throw in some video cameras. The opening credits would always be our friend Steve making a typical one liner and then proceeding with an illegal u-turn to get a spot closer to the school. The word's "herb" and "nerd" being used to no end.

I wouldn't have much for Fabian - he would just always be with the TL crew making rap music outside with a big Fresh Prince type boombox on the basketball court.

Phil would be the nicely dressed popular guy of the school, president of course. If only we could find the tape of him interviewing me as German Club president played throughout the whole school.

I'd just have shots intermittently of John in the background talking to people in his cor.

The show would end with "Introducing......Mr. Wolfgang Hiller as Himself" then he would lick his lips and cross his arms in his flawlessly unwrinkled shirt and blazer. Then finishing the opening credits with a frames of us in the library, buying a boatload of food for one dollar, and me embarrassingly undressing for gym class.

The final frames would be and upset Mr. Hiller running after all of us for some zany! prank as we get out the doors of the school, and the Grand Prix racing off. And a Bonneville I guess.

"I got what I wanted from her!"

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