03-02/We've Got Letters, Lots and Lots of Letters

Dear Suffolk County,

I just wanted to write to you to inform you that there was a snowstorm last night into this morning. If you don't mind, can you ask one of the three snow plows in front of McDonald's to maybe plow the highway? I know that it's not necessary because no one goes to work on Mondays, but any assistance would be greatly helpful. My snowmobile is in the shop and I have work at 8 am.

Also, the on/off ramps need to be cleared as well, for us non-flying cars.

Thanks
ck


Dear Volkswagen,

I think that you should post a warning on your cars that say, "Be a real man and buy a truck" so that when driving backwards down the highway, you can reminisce about driving successfully on top of snow. I feel passing cars while backwards gets more face time to chat with other drivers on the road, but it makes it difficult to take the exit ramp.

Thanks
ck


Dear Laws of Physics,

I did not receive your newsletter on trying to get a car out of a snowbank. Spinning wheels on ice buried in 2 feet of snow did not magically burn away the snow, but almost made my car explode. It was nice to finally be that guy that makes that awful spinning noise for an hour at 7 in the morning.

I also realized that trying to push the car out by holding the driver side door frame and rocking it back and forth does not work, and only makes large trucks stop and stare at you. Just because I have boots on, it didn't help when I slipped and fell almost having the car roll back on me.

Please resend me a copy of the newsletter.

Thanks
ck


Dear Gloves,

I miss you. I wish I never lost you, you mean so much to me. On days like today, it hurts being without you. I'm numb without your touch.

with love,
ck