03-12/Ho-Broken, Chapter 1

Gallantly skipping along Newark St. looking for my pals Paps and Dools, I stopped to pick a flower. The flower smelled sweet, as sweet as the onset of spring. Today was particularly warm, a beautiful March reminder that we are not too far away from the salvation of warmth. Then a stream of urine overflowing from a random Port-a-John hit my shoes. It's St. Patrick's Day in Hoboken.


My journey to one of my favorite-est, favorite-est places on earth, started with me taking a tour of the Path train network. I suppose my previous visits to Hoboken were successful because I had been pretty lucky on those days to have selected the correct train. Not so much today.

I always get on the Path at 33rd street and the blue line is supposed to take you direct to Hoboken - but be advised, lurking at this station is the "yellow line" that takes you to Journal Square. Well, I guess my fluency in hieroglyphics were a bit rusty, so getting a train that had "HBK" illuminated on it apparently was the wrong choice.

Pausing Kelly Clarkson, I looked up at the map when we had stopped at Pavonia/Newport - I appeared to be on the yellow line and "HBK" stood for "Hot Buttery Knish" not Hoboken. Once again my sub-conscience was making the decisions.

Getting out at Grove street I figured all I had to do was get back to Pavonia and take the green to Hoboken. The first train that arrived had HBK illuminated, but it didn't feel right, and for all I knew this stood for "Hello Bathroom Killer". So I watched it leave. The next one I got on, and then they said the next stop was "Exchange Place." This was the f'in red line. I dashed towards the exit and got out just in time, but my purse stuck in the door just closing behind me.

I tried desperately to look confident in my decision to leave the train at the last second, and pretended like I just changed my mind in which rad! party I was going to. Loudly yelling into my phone with zero reception, "Nah man I decided I'm coming to the Boken bro. I just decided it at the last second bro. The doors were closing bro. How the girls there bro. Ok bro, on my way bro!"

The next train came, and it was to Pavonia, Yay.
Getting to Pavonia, I assumed I had to wait for the green train. Then I saw a sign that said all Hoboken trains are on track 2, but I just got off track 2. I gave up and decided to ask the conductor.

"Are you going to Hoboken?" I asked confused.
"I don't know yet. I'll let you know when I find out"
"Ah." I replied.

The track worker the conductor was talking to suggested I take the "Light Rail." I had done some Hoboken transportation research years back, so I was somewhat familiar, however I mumbled something about Secaucus in a question form to him. That didn't help either of us in the conversation, but luckily I was saved by the conductor telling me the train was now going to Hoboken. I jumped on squeezing in between the door and 2 left coast looking gentleman who had fancy shell necklaces. I wanted to lean in and listen to the ocean.

Apparently Hoboken was broken. The city had been raided like never before, and the Path train system was all messed up. Even though my day was beginning, it was ending for a ton of Bridge and Tunnel, and the good folks at the Port Authority were left on their haunches. Hire Me.

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