05-09/Mine That Bird

"Hih, I'm champion horse trainer Wayne Lukas. I just wanted to tell ya'll about the new bird flavor Skoal. Now, now, I know what ya'll are thinkin'-
And yeah...it's real bird.

Nah, I'm just foolin with ya folks. We did name the new flavor after my horse, Mine that Bird, 'Skoal Bird Blend.' (Holds up canister)

Unlike Kodiak, and Timberwolf, we used authentic Mine that Bird horseshit into our blend, not that imitation mule shit.

Who would think tabacca flavored with shit would taste so good? (Takes a hefty pinch and delivers it into the right side of his mouth and mumbles )
But shit, we won the derb-eh, so hell, let's celebrate!

(Two hot cowgirls walk by and he spits, girls give him a turned on look and bite their lips)

Howdy Ma'am ( tips his cap looks back at camera - ) So very seeexxxxy! (Said like Jack Palance in Brut commercial )

---------------
Of course I bet every exacta combination with Papa Clem in it, and I took Flying Private as my long shot hopeful. Of course because it has "Flying" in it, shnarf shnarf..

I am betting the farm ( 6 dollars 27 cents and a button ) on a Papa Clem, Flying Private exacta box for the Preakness.

As the countdown to Belmont begins, along with my hopes for not falling out of a car twice (once on purpose ) - I think we are going to go with seersucker suits and gentleman hats. At this point, and more specifically a few points a while ago, I (we?) don't care anymore. I have a better chance of wearing a burlap sack and not sweating, but I'm going for it anyway.

Here's what I'm thinking.
http://kathlinargiro.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=2950746

Just kidding - this will be worn by my date, the one armed mannequin I met at K-Mart's petite section the other day. I never got a call back from the one I met a JCPenny's. When I looked back, she had had her left arm bent at the elbow up to her head, and I assumed it was the "call me" sign.

Maybe she was giving me the finger, I don't know, she didn't have any hands.

Who cares? I mean, really, who cares? ( Fred Armisen as Joy Behar )

ck