02-09/Picture of the Week

Fun with Photoshop - by C Dools.

There probably is an inside joke about this that I don't know - I'm sure I deserve it, I always do.

ck

02-04/Flesh Eating Animals

This is why you will only spot me without a shirt on once a year; bathing myself in an East Hamptons Pool to the disdain of fellow guests.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/02/04/2010-02-04_day_after_fatal_shark_swarm_attack_on_surfer_off_florida_coast_more_than_100_dor.html

funny comment by someone who posted...


Mind Your Business
11:33:03 AMFeb 4, 2010
So does someone talk to the shark and say "Why did you bite that person?" and the shark responds, "Oh my bad, I thought he was a fish." How do they know that?

ck

02-03/The Life of a DB

While removing snow from my car this morning, a neighbor of mine was shoveling outside of his house. I diligently went about my way, and wasn't sure if I would have to engage in a conversation with him.

He is a nice guy, one of the people on the block that you have to wave to - and along with his wife, will stop the car and stare at you until you see them and wave - or stand on the porch before they will go inside until you see them and wave.

So I waited and stared, but he shoveled along. I went back to cleaning the car. I stared again, he kept on shoveling. I went back to cleaning the car. Then I figured I better just stare until he sees me. So I did.

"Hi, Chris," he said in his unexcited tone.
"Hey, there," I responded, still not knowing his name. I had filled in on a softball team that he played on quite a few times, and most notably I knew him for 15 years. Still I couldn't remember his name.

Apparently I had originally not looked forward to this confrontation, however I stood there looking for something to say. He made it clear that he was quite content with the interaction, but I seemed to want to say more.

I was about to say something about how I was looking forward to going to Florida tomorrow. "Yeah, this snow - can't wait to get out of it for a few days - hah huh hah huh...." was what I almost said. I stopped and realized that I was an old man (almost), and that also this was a classic DB statement.

What's the point of telling someone that is 90 percent probably not going to Florida tomorrow, that I was? You might as well say, "F8CK YOU, IM GOING TO FLORIDA!!" or something similar that Ashy Larry would say from The Chappelle Show.

I stopped and realized I was a DB for even thinking it, meanwhile it was just to make conversation. I guess we all do it a bit, but I think I may have been a DB in the past.

No longer friends, I'll stick to being a DB in other ways.

ck

02-01/The Nexus of the Universe

Now that January and the "holidays" are over, it's alot easier to get back to making fun of people again. I could have just written about myself instead to fill the gap, but I was still waiting for approval to go to the bathroom. It all goes back to what RR taught us "Nobody Cares." Hopefully we all remember that sometimes this applies to ourself.

Thanks to all who joined Phil's "Return to Rera's" Weekend. As it was 20 degrees outside, it was a steamy 100 inside, as all the major players of drama came barreling, or surfing in.

"Dude. what's up?"
"Not much Dude."
"Is that your board man?"
"Yeah man. Dude, it's sweet"
"I bet"


Here were some of the awards given out. Some took home more than one award, and some shared awards.

"On his best behavior with a nice midwestern smile"
"Longest awkward stare at ex"
"Wearing the complete and total opposite of the whole bar"
"Still tall and duf-fy"
"Wishes he knew Phil in College"
"Best exit while realizing the situation"
"Pretend to want to meet her friends as long as he gets laid"
"Cutest and Cuddliest koala lawyer"
"Best disappearing act"
"Best supporting disappearing act"
"Longest continuing thought about what he's going to eat after this"
"Best hide from a stalker"

ck

01-08/Drive me Crazy

As my Egg McMuffin exploded onto my pants, grease flying in pornographic fashion, I wondered a few things. First, why is this terrible Egg McMuffin "juicy?" and also, will my Tide to Go pen work on this unholy McDonald's flavor concoction?

I can tell you that the Tide to Go pen was no match for the sensual stream of grease stains leading from my knee up to my crotch, and it will be an interesting day at work trying to find ways to hide my weiner-area from everyone. Perhaps people will assume I have a boner all day. www.awkwardboner.com

If I had swerved, or reacted carelessly when that McMuffin juice went flying all over my leg while driving, I wondered if I could have gotten into a wreck. A good cup of coffee, the proponent for my stop at McD's today, is usually what will get me into trouble. The coffee was quite cool today, though, and easy to drink.

It was the damn drive through devil that tricked me into getting that number one..

ME: " large coffee, little bit of milk"
HER: "anything else?"
ME: " FINE. A number 1"

You can see how she twisted my arm with her psychological tricks, undoubtedly taught to her by those mind-merlins at McDonalds U.

ck

01-06/Michael Cera and the Jersey Shore

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/01/michael_cera_in.html

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-day-michael-cera-met-dj-pauly-d/

ck

01-04/"Oh no! Whatever all shall we do??"

Economy killed First Edition’s business: Owner
By Nathan Duke

A 50-year-old Flushing line cook is facing a tough job market after First Edition Bistro, a longtime Bell Boulevard bar and restaurant where he had worked since the early 1990s, shut down earlier this month after 61 years because the struggling economy had caused business to decline.

61 years? really? Struggling economy? Perhaps had something to do with playing Hootie and Blowfish videos with no sound.

Lorenzo Castillo, who worked as a line cook at Bayside’s First Edition, said he was having difficulty finding work after losing his job last week.

Resume - Best known for putting frozen pizzas in an oven and timing when it was completely thawed, and serving a boneless chicken breast with cheese in a wrap to two large men who rode in on little motor scooters.

"I’ve worked here for 17 years,” he said Tuesday as he helped clean out the restaurant. “Now, I’m looking for something to do. I have credit card bills to pay. I have no job and it’s almost Christmas. I’ve been looking for work, but no one is hiring right now.”

A bag with a Jeff Beukeboom photo, a polo mallet, some stale potato chips, and 15 6 inch TVs were left outside for the trash. At the end of the day, 14 6 inch TVs remained.

Rick Ritacco, who co-owned the eatery with his brother, Robert Ritacco, and sister, Margie Mercado, said the restaurant had been founded at 41-08 Bell Blvd. in 1948 by his father, Angelo Ritacco, and grandfather, James Pascale. On Dec. 7, First Edition closed its doors permanently.

In 1948 there was a high demand for overpriced soda pops and bartenders that gave handy's. That was like going all the way back then.

"The business over the last two years had taken a hit,” Ritacco said. “We didn’t believe an investment would pay off. Last week was very sad. It was like a death. I’ll miss Bayside. When you’ve been here so long, you become part of the community.”

Other businesses were asked how the economy has affected them.

" No problems, weekends still pretty packed. That place sucked." - Bourbon Street.
" Tons of people still hanging out here from St. Francis Prep. I only used to see a short stocky kid with a mets shirt, a skinny kid with sweatpants and sideways hat, and two large guys holding hands go in that shithole. Oh and once a while a guy that looked like Artie Bucco with a suit." - Sullivans
" What is First Editions? " - Monihans
" Business has picked up since our renovation and we moved into the 21st century " - Donovans

The bistro, which was next to Bell Boulevard’s Long Island Rail Road station, served hamburgers, pizza, wraps, pasta, salads, all-day breakfast and fish, but it was known best for its hot wings. First Edition also had seven big-screen televisions and 70 smaller TVs, which drew sports fans to the bar to watch football, Yankees and Mets games.

Big Screen = 24 inch TVs that weighed 70 pounds bolted onto the ceiling. Lots of sports fans who watched games, and took home a certain bartender.

Oh - all day breakfast? Really?

First Edition, which had a dedicated local customer base, served food late into the night and often featured drink specials throughout the week.

Top Special - Wednesday night from 4p to 5p, 4 dollar Coors Light Draughts that smelled like pee.

But boxes packed with kitchen equipment were stacked inside the restaurant this week as its employees helped put a footnote to a vanished era.

"It was a very popular place to come to after 10 p.m. for half-price specials,” Ritacco said. “People would come at 1 or 2 a.m. for a bite to eat and a cocktail.”

Cocktail? Lets not go crazy here. Drunk people that were off Tuesday Wednesdays went there.

Ritacco, who had previously headed the Bayside Kiwanis Club and been a member of the Bayside Business Association, said the economic downturn as well as a demographic change in Bayside ultimately led to First Edition’s closure. Now, the restaurateur has opened a new hot wings site called Wings Plus in Port Washington, L.I.

What demographic, is Mark Chinese?

But he said more than 20 employees lost their jobs after his Bell Boulevard business was shuttered. Ritacco was only able to take one cook with him to his new site, which is significantly smaller than First Edition and focuses primarily on take-out orders.

Grand opening special....10 wings for 5 dollars and a 6 inch TV.

A sign that thanked First Edition’s customers was posted in the restaurant’s window last week.

It read, “After serving the Bayside community for the past 61 years, First Edition has been forced to close our doors due to declining business brought on by the economic conditions of the past year.”

It really read : Mark/Steve thanks for the money we made off Quick Draw.

ck/fc

Fabian found the article at :
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/economy_killed_first_edition_business_FHUOLIxwZwTZ6ZiNZdjuYM