The Corner Bar

HI

2011-12-04T11:44:00.001-05:00

11-30/Stunning Developments

2011-11-30T15:57:00.002-05:00

RR aka Rico, will not be attending the festivities this weekend, possibly due to 1 of 2 reasons. One, it might be because he will change his email address due to the endless amount of emails. Secondly, it could be because the one wine bar near the Garden City Hotel will be staying open an extra half hour from 9:00 pm to 9:30, and a cat sitter has already been enlisted.

Something like that?
ck

10-26/Tursi

2011-10-26T08:18:00.002-04:00

10-26/My Mother, the Hero

2010-10-26T17:41:00.002-04:00

"Take it easy when you go to Boston. I read that you can get something called blood alcoholism. Alcohol poisoning."

ck

08-05/Happy August

2010-08-05T10:28:00.004-04:00

August is a wonderful month of sweating and sweating. It's important to make sure to drink lots of water and eat as much Burger King as possible. Along with August has come the next entry to the saga of the "Passat Stories."

With a few different problems that are plaguing my car, it has been relinquished to sitting on a second shelf, like a refrigerator at P.C. Richards. A part is on backorder, which led me to the 'loaner.'

I guess in this day and age, loaners don't really exist anymore. They have Enterprise give you a rental car. I was hoping for a different VW to try out, but I guess this is the present.

I needed to get some stuff out of the trunk of my car, otherwise known as a locker room. So after I made them take it down off the rack, I removed a wet baseball uniform, an overnight bag, golf clubs, and a baseball bag.

Enterprise showed up in a sweet silver Kia Rio, and my VW customer service rep commented, " I hope that's not the car they give you." I thought to myself, me too.

Thankfully it wasn't, so we loaded up the Rio to take me to the Enterprise facility where they are going to put together my paperwork. The young gentleman that drove the Rio was very friendly, and must have decided I was hip enough to listen to rap music since he had it on pretty loud. I showed my agreement by nodding my head with the beats to prove to this young man that I was cool.

As we pulled into the shed, donning the sign, "Enterprise." that sat next to the lovely BQE, I was a bit concerned. I thanked the young man for the ride from the dealer, and rapped my way into the shed with my golf clubs and baseball bag.

I was happy I chose to wear the outfit that most resembled a Polo ad, but was even more excited for having golf clubs with me. Super duper.

After Kayne and his girlfriend went, the Jamaican couple went, followed by the other young man who broke the record for saying the 'N' word in a friendly way the most times in ten minutes.

My paperwork was completed and I took my bags outside to my waiting chariot.
A sweet silver Kia Rio.

ck

07-30/Suck Ass Shrink

2010-07-30T11:30:00.004-04:00

Did anyone ever know that Sal had a blog named 'Animal Talk?'

http://theanimal13.blogspot.com/

I would have preferred a photo album of Sal with poodles and cockatoos while people commented on them.

I also want to direct you to an older post, and the 27 comments that someone left.

http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2010/03/03-18picture-of-week.html

ck

07-29/Petite Pettitte

2010-07-29T13:07:00.002-04:00

Gentlemen:
This is legit. If you or someone you know is interested.

From: nefertiti jones [mailto:nefertitijones@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2010 4:11 PM
To: Nefertiti Jones
Subject: Casting a television commercial for AT&T ASAP

Please feel free to pass this on to anyone that fits the bill.

Hey everyone we are casting a super fun job! We are looking for RealTriple AAA, Double AA and Single A or college baseball players for a newAT&T Television Commercial. Any ethnicity.The commercial will feature Nick Swisher and Andy Petite. We are lookingfor legit, semi pro players who can hit a ball thrown by Andy Petite.We are shooting the spot next Thursday August 5th at Staten Island YankeeStadium. This is a SAG job so Sag wages apply. 592.00 for the shoot date,plus residuals every time the commercial airs.If interested please email us two photo's. A close up of your face and afull body shot in your baseball uniform.

Plus a contact number and whatlevel you are at. Please email all info to: nefertitijones@yahoo.comWe will be holding auditions in New York City, this Friday July 30th.The audition will take no more than 10 minutes of your time. Our studio islocated in New York City on West 15th street.

Thank you!
Nef JonesHouse Production

-- TIMOTHY R. HOTT, ESQ.Law Offices of Timothy R. Hott, P.C.591 Summit Avenue - Suite 300Jersey City, NJ 07306Ph: (201) 653-5000 x11Fax: (201) 659-6590If this email relates to a matter in litigation or that may result in litigation and is addressed to a client of the firm named below or any professional retained by such client then it is Attorney Work Product in the context of litigation and is not discoverable and should not be shown to anyone other than the addressee(s).The above email and any attachments to it are sent by Law Offices of Timothy R. Hott, P.C. and is for the intended recipient(s) only and may be confidential and protected by attorney/client privilege. If you are not the intended recipient, please advise the sender immediately. Unauthorized use or distribution is prohibited and may be unlawful.

ck

07-29/Can't Catch a Cold

2010-07-29T12:41:00.004-04:00

Last night, I enjoyed the company of former co-workers as we went on a sunset cruise with cocktails. Oh, and there just happened to be fishing poles and a chain smoking deckhand that I nicknamed "Mickey."

I had never really believed in fishing in Jamaica Bay, but apparently there are a couple of fishing boats that troll the lovely waters that surround JFK airport. I had fished in this area many times, but never caught anything, and believed that fishing here was just a myth. So, to back that up, I contributed a few dollars to "captain mike's" gas fund, as he aimlessly drove us around the bay, looking at some of the beautiful sights that the Bay has to offer.

In hindsight, I believe that the money would have been more useful to use for gas or food, but the company was good. Plus, I feel good about Keith Hernandez sending me some nice coin from "Cash for Gold."

Captain Mike, showing off his "ode to Hard Knocks Fishermen" tattoo, featuring an anchor with a snake around it, paced around the top deck, shirtless and smoking, confused as to why no one was even getting a nibble. Thankfully, I was nibbling on pieces of a ham/cheese, italian, and liverwurst heros. Nothing is tastier than eating a liverwurst hero with residue of blood worms on your hands.

Cap'n Mike did his best though, following that fish finder to schools of fish that must not have cared at all about a 10 ton fishing boat with a 200 hp engine hovering above them. As we pulled up, I overheard a cocky Fluke saying to his friend,

"Hey bro, I bet that in 5 seconds there's going to be a ton of worms falling from the sky. We should definitely eat them."

Thankfully Mickey reminded us through a cigarette dangling in his mouth that, "When the captain stops the boat you should throw those lines in right away."

Unfortunately, Captain Mike and his Etch-a-sketch fish finder worked to no avail, and we made our last circle around the Marine Park Bridge. Also partying around us was a ghost party ship, that was testing out its disco ball and blue string lights across the top. Good for them.

Mickey's parting words with us as we left the boat not tipping him,
"Fucking guys...."

ck

07-27/Pharoah 'Nuff

2010-07-27T13:09:00.008-04:00

When I used to work the 4-12 shift, I had a very precise day planned. I would sleep to my content, have a cup of coffee and then go to the gym. After working out and sweating out the pork products I inhaled in the previous night shift, I would come home and eat a nice protein laden meal. This equation created the lean, mean, fighting machine that you see today.

A fun part of this day would be enjoying my eggs while watching 2 full hours of 'Las Vegas.' TNT, who "knows drama," has been able to supply me with this mid day glutony for over 5 years now. "The Burning Bedouin," features the hilarious Sandra Berhard, who plays the Deline's houskeeper, and the only one the knows that Big Ed has hurt his back from playing 36 holes of golf! Hilarity ensues when the outrageous Berhard uses all her "funny" to annoy Big Ed while she cleans the house.

My days are still the same, however now I don't go to work, I don't go to the gym, and I eat the pork products during 'Las Vegas.'

From Wikipedia

Polly, (2005–2008), (Suzanne Whang), a Korean manicurist in the Montecito's spa, who has recently formed a friendship with A.J. Cooper. Polly is always open about discussing her sexual experience, such as claiming she was one of Wilt Chamberlain's 20,000 partners in "2 on 2." Sam once gave Ed a full body massage from Polly for Christmas, in which Polly attempted to give Ed a 'happy ending'.

Thanks to the Kemmerer Consumer Guidelines, the family enacted upon number 47, "Complain about random things to get free stuff." Most of this is based on my father's infatuation with the HBO series, "Hung." Now we get free HBO and Cinemax, so I can enjoy watching 500 Days of Summer every day.

TOM What's different now? How could things change so quickly?

SUMMER I don't know. It just happened.

TOM What happened?! That's what I don't get.

SUMMER I... Tom...

TOM What, tell me...

SUMMER I woke up one day and I knew. (Tom says nothing.)

SUMMER I knew I could promise him I'd feel the same way every morning. In a way that I... I never could with you.

03-18/Picture of the Week

2010-03-18T09:47:00.001-04:00

Alex teaching me Prob and Stats.

03-18/It's All Greek to Me

2010-03-18T09:22:00.004-04:00

I recently have been very proud of my attempts to go back to school for further education to receive my MBA. Sticking with my Alma mater, I am back in Embry-Riddle and am in a MBA program designed for Aviation.

The first course was in marketing, and it started off pretty promising. We talked a little about airlines and their commercials, and debated certain marketing philosophies over an online discussion board. Great.

The next few week's assignments, went something like this.

2.) "Take a look at amazon.com and...."

3.) "For example, Apple has....."

4.) "Take a look at amazon.com

Ok, we got it. Apple markets stuff. Cool. Amazon has a very good website. Great. Rinse and repeat for 6 more weeks.

I limped my way through the class being very successful as a fake. I figured I could get used to this as long as it stayed this easy.

All excited about my ability to bullshit and to do 95 percent of my homework at work, this term's class is operations research. It is basically all about using Prob and Stats and applying it to the business world. Hmmm....

Week 1 consisted of my sister and her boyfriend doing my homework and online quiz. This week's discussion is using information from a problem to figure out the decision tree, gather the probabilities and decide whether or not some asshole should bid on something or other.

This is actually the homework.

雜誌是一座橋樑
身在資訊流通快速，瞬息萬變的世界裡，我們需要更精準地掌握時代脈動，以及了解全球潮流動向。雜誌為我們打開觀察世界的窗口，提供來自全球各地訊息，包括財經、設計，時尚，娛樂，以及藝術…等等。
進步的動力來自進步的觀念。雜誌像一座橋樑，將我們與最先進的觀念聯結接軌，並且化為進步的動力。
時間過得飛快，2009年又即將邁入尾聲，而在迎接2010年到來的同時，為了讓自己比任何人都更早嗅到潮流的起源，請你作好萬全準備，期待新年度到來。

03-16/...................

2010-03-16T19:25:00.000-04:00

nothing.

how are we doing.

ck

02-16/Other People that I think look like Dools

2010-02-16T09:46:00.005-05:00

02-11/Picture of the Week

2010-02-11T16:00:00.003-05:00

C Dools arrives Dallas in style.

credit ppaps

ck

02-09/Picture of the Week

2010-02-09T09:31:00.003-05:00

Fun with Photoshop - by C Dools.

There probably is an inside joke about this that I don't know - I'm sure I deserve it, I always do.

02-04/Flesh Eating Animals

2010-02-04T12:44:00.003-05:00

This is why you will only spot me without a shirt on once a year; bathing myself in an East Hamptons Pool to the disdain of fellow guests.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/02/04/2010-02-04_day_after_fatal_shark_swarm_attack_on_surfer_off_florida_coast_more_than_100_dor.html

funny comment by someone who posted...

Mind Your Business
11:33:03 AMFeb 4, 2010
So does someone talk to the shark and say "Why did you bite that person?" and the shark responds, "Oh my bad, I thought he was a fish." How do they know that?

ck

02-03/The Life of a DB

2010-02-03T09:42:00.003-05:00

While removing snow from my car this morning, a neighbor of mine was shoveling outside of his house. I diligently went about my way, and wasn't sure if I would have to engage in a conversation with him.

He is a nice guy, one of the people on the block that you have to wave to - and along with his wife, will stop the car and stare at you until you see them and wave - or stand on the porch before they will go inside until you see them and wave.

So I waited and stared, but he shoveled along. I went back to cleaning the car. I stared again, he kept on shoveling. I went back to cleaning the car. Then I figured I better just stare until he sees me. So I did.

"Hi, Chris," he said in his unexcited tone.
"Hey, there," I responded, still not knowing his name. I had filled in on a softball team that he played on quite a few times, and most notably I knew him for 15 years. Still I couldn't remember his name.

Apparently I had originally not looked forward to this confrontation, however I stood there looking for something to say. He made it clear that he was quite content with the interaction, but I seemed to want to say more.

I was about to say something about how I was looking forward to going to Florida tomorrow. "Yeah, this snow - can't wait to get out of it for a few days - hah huh hah huh...." was what I almost said. I stopped and realized that I was an old man (almost), and that also this was a classic DB statement.

What's the point of telling someone that is 90 percent probably not going to Florida tomorrow, that I was? You might as well say, "F8CK YOU, IM GOING TO FLORIDA!!" or something similar that Ashy Larry would say from The Chappelle Show.

I stopped and realized I was a DB for even thinking it, meanwhile it was just to make conversation. I guess we all do it a bit, but I think I may have been a DB in the past.

No longer friends, I'll stick to being a DB in other ways.

ck

02-01/The Nexus of the Universe

2010-02-01T09:47:00.002-05:00

Now that January and the "holidays" are over, it's alot easier to get back to making fun of people again. I could have just written about myself instead to fill the gap, but I was still waiting for approval to go to the bathroom. It all goes back to what RR taught us "Nobody Cares." Hopefully we all remember that sometimes this applies to ourself.

Thanks to all who joined Phil's "Return to Rera's" Weekend. As it was 20 degrees outside, it was a steamy 100 inside, as all the major players of drama came barreling, or surfing in.

"Dude. what's up?"
"Not much Dude."
"Is that your board man?"
"Yeah man. Dude, it's sweet"
"I bet"

Here were some of the awards given out. Some took home more than one award, and some shared awards.

"On his best behavior with a nice midwestern smile"
"Longest awkward stare at ex"
"Wearing the complete and total opposite of the whole bar"
"Still tall and duf-fy"
"Wishes he knew Phil in College"
"Best exit while realizing the situation"
"Pretend to want to meet her friends as long as he gets laid"
"Cutest and Cuddliest koala lawyer"
"Best disappearing act"
"Best supporting disappearing act"
"Longest continuing thought about what he's going to eat after this"
"Best hide from a stalker"

ck

01-08/Drive me Crazy

2010-01-08T08:34:00.003-05:00

As my Egg McMuffin exploded onto my pants, grease flying in pornographic fashion, I wondered a few things. First, why is this terrible Egg McMuffin "juicy?" and also, will my Tide to Go pen work on this unholy McDonald's flavor concoction?

I can tell you that the Tide to Go pen was no match for the sensual stream of grease stains leading from my knee up to my crotch, and it will be an interesting day at work trying to find ways to hide my weiner-area from everyone. Perhaps people will assume I have a boner all day. www.awkwardboner.com

If I had swerved, or reacted carelessly when that McMuffin juice went flying all over my leg while driving, I wondered if I could have gotten into a wreck. A good cup of coffee, the proponent for my stop at McD's today, is usually what will get me into trouble. The coffee was quite cool today, though, and easy to drink.

It was the damn drive through devil that tricked me into getting that number one..

ME: " large coffee, little bit of milk"
HER: "anything else?"
ME: " FINE. A number 1"

You can see how she twisted my arm with her psychological tricks, undoubtedly taught to her by those mind-merlins at McDonalds U.

ck

01-06/Michael Cera and the Jersey Shore

2010-01-06T15:16:00.001-05:00

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2010/01/michael_cera_in.html

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-day-michael-cera-met-dj-pauly-d/

ck

01-04/"Oh no! Whatever all shall we do??"

2010-01-04T09:28:00.004-05:00

Economy killed First Edition’s business: Owner
By Nathan Duke

A 50-year-old Flushing line cook is facing a tough job market after First Edition Bistro, a longtime Bell Boulevard bar and restaurant where he had worked since the early 1990s, shut down earlier this month after 61 years because the struggling economy had caused business to decline.

61 years? really? Struggling economy? Perhaps had something to do with playing Hootie and Blowfish videos with no sound.

Lorenzo Castillo, who worked as a line cook at Bayside’s First Edition, said he was having difficulty finding work after losing his job last week.

Resume - Best known for putting frozen pizzas in an oven and timing when it was completely thawed, and serving a boneless chicken breast with cheese in a wrap to two large men who rode in on little motor scooters.

"I’ve worked here for 17 years,” he said Tuesday as he helped clean out the restaurant. “Now, I’m looking for something to do. I have credit card bills to pay. I have no job and it’s almost Christmas. I’ve been looking for work, but no one is hiring right now.”

A bag with a Jeff Beukeboom photo, a polo mallet, some stale potato chips, and 15 6 inch TVs were left outside for the trash. At the end of the day, 14 6 inch TVs remained.

Rick Ritacco, who co-owned the eatery with his brother, Robert Ritacco, and sister, Margie Mercado, said the restaurant had been founded at 41-08 Bell Blvd. in 1948 by his father, Angelo Ritacco, and grandfather, James Pascale. On Dec. 7, First Edition closed its doors permanently.

In 1948 there was a high demand for overpriced soda pops and bartenders that gave handy's. That was like going all the way back then.

"The business over the last two years had taken a hit,” Ritacco said. “We didn’t believe an investment would pay off. Last week was very sad. It was like a death. I’ll miss Bayside. When you’ve been here so long, you become part of the community.”

Other businesses were asked how the economy has affected them.

" No problems, weekends still pretty packed. That place sucked." - Bourbon Street.
" Tons of people still hanging out here from St. Francis Prep. I only used to see a short stocky kid with a mets shirt, a skinny kid with sweatpants and sideways hat, and two large guys holding hands go in that shithole. Oh and once a while a guy that looked like Artie Bucco with a suit." - Sullivans
" What is First Editions? " - Monihans
" Business has picked up since our renovation and we moved into the 21st century " - Donovans

The bistro, which was next to Bell Boulevard’s Long Island Rail Road station, served hamburgers, pizza, wraps, pasta, salads, all-day breakfast and fish, but it was known best for its hot wings. First Edition also had seven big-screen televisions and 70 smaller TVs, which drew sports fans to the bar to watch football, Yankees and Mets games.

Big Screen = 24 inch TVs that weighed 70 pounds bolted onto the ceiling. Lots of sports fans who watched games, and took home a certain bartender.

Oh - all day breakfast? Really?

First Edition, which had a dedicated local customer base, served food late into the night and often featured drink specials throughout the week.

Top Special - Wednesday night from 4p to 5p, 4 dollar Coors Light Draughts that smelled like pee.

But boxes packed with kitchen equipment were stacked inside the restaurant this week as its employees helped put a footnote to a vanished era.

"It was a very popular place to come to after 10 p.m. for half-price specials,” Ritacco said. “People would come at 1 or 2 a.m. for a bite to eat and a cocktail.”

Cocktail? Lets not go crazy here. Drunk people that were off Tuesday Wednesdays went there.

Ritacco, who had previously headed the Bayside Kiwanis Club and been a member of the Bayside Business Association, said the economic downturn as well as a demographic change in Bayside ultimately led to First Edition’s closure. Now, the restaurateur has opened a new hot wings site called Wings Plus in Port Washington, L.I.

What demographic, is Mark Chinese?

But he said more than 20 employees lost their jobs after his Bell Boulevard business was shuttered. Ritacco was only able to take one cook with him to his new site, which is significantly smaller than First Edition and focuses primarily on take-out orders.

Grand opening special....10 wings for 5 dollars and a 6 inch TV.

A sign that thanked First Edition’s customers was posted in the restaurant’s window last week.

It read, “After serving the Bayside community for the past 61 years, First Edition has been forced to close our doors due to declining business brought on by the economic conditions of the past year.”

It really read : Mark/Steve thanks for the money we made off Quick Draw.

ck/fc

Fabian found the article at :
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/queens/economy_killed_first_edition_business_FHUOLIxwZwTZ6ZiNZdjuYM

12-15/Couples Regurgitation

2009-12-15T16:25:00.003-05:00

What can 15.99 buy you? That can be answered in a few different ways. For example, you can buy two wonderful polos from the local Old Navy. You can also buy the movie "Couples Retreat" and watch it in the room at Embassy Suites.

It's a "Made" reunion, fitted with your heros played by Jon Favreau, Vince Vaughn, and Faizon Love. It's also written by Jon and Vince, a good 13 years from when Jon wrote and directed "Swingers." - a thin and lanky Vince Vaughn tagging along besides him introducing himself to the world. "Made" came along 5 years later, and a chunk of that crew is now brought back for "Couples Retreat."

Here's why this is sad.

1.) I was in college when "Made" came out and I was 20. Vince was 31, and Jon was 35.

2.) I would bet that they had fun making Swingers and Made, not caring too much about who would like it or who wouldn't. Stupid college kids would probably get drunk and laugh at pretty much anything.

3.) Now Vince is 39, Jon is 43, and I'm 28.

Here are the terrible connections.

Even though Jon and Vince wrote and starred in it along with Faizon, the movie doesn't resemble any of the Indie feel where the humor was genuine and smart. Aside from a few possible ad-libs between Jon and Vince, the movie was heavily generated to be from a "cookie cutter" perspective, catering to couples who just had a nice dinner at Applebees and want to keep it a 6 or below on the Friday night excitement scale. Like Lauren and Robbie.

And its nothing for me to be too critical about because at the end of the day, they have comedic legacies, while I have a half eaten bag of Cheetos's.

The question is, and why do I care? Here's why.

The progression from "Swingers/Made" to "Couples Retreat" is a direct correlation to how I am getting older. S/M was once the soundtrack to many 'power-hours' and beer pong tournaments, and now CR is the answer to Jon and Vince feeling like they need to make a movie again for fun.

Furthermore, Vince and Jon have been the funniest when they have been unmarried people. Vince seems to be at his funniest when he is single or wanting to be single. Remember "The Break Up?" Even though it's about his break up with Anniston, it still was terrible, because in the end he missed her.

Blah Blah.

Single or want to be single. Funny.

Their storylines of being married and having quirky marriage problems is only a reminder that we all are not in college anymore. Worst off, even if we wanted to, it's tough to look cool trying to pretend like you are still in college.

Believe me I know. I'm a pro.

ck

12-14/McDinner

2009-12-14T20:03:00.002-05:00

As an often used anecdote on many sitcoms, I don't understand why the McRib isn't around in reality? It seems everyone misses it.

I mean alot of things have made a comeback in recent years - Ray Bans, long UPS guy hair, cocaine.

ck

12-02/Fabian, this is turns out to be extra great when drunk

2009-12-02T20:34:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MadGwgiRgAM

ck

ho ho ho, Im hu hu hungry!!

12-02/Your Wednesday Kay

2009-12-02T17:31:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CYbhuE6Vro&feature=PlayList&p=889C5C15EDDF0AC1&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=3

ck

11-29/Your Sunday Zales

2009-11-29T16:58:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9dC-34hdOY&feature=related

ck

11-24/Thanks for Giving, zero

2009-11-24T09:51:00.007-05:00

Thanksgiving is always a time to remember things, as all holidays are. I remember most of my childhood Thanksgivings being at my grandparents house, most notably the table angling perpendicular to its usual direction to allow for an extension. It always drove me insane because I would always be seated on the abutment that was on the carpet, and it would make massive dents in the carpet.

I remember one year it snowed heavily and we made a fort in the snow. I always would sweat in my heavy jackets, but then again I sweat when I chew gum. I think snow around Thanksgiving would be nice, then I could make fun Folger's commercials in my head.

I picture, in the early morning hours, me putting the coffee in the pot making all funny faces while I sniffed it, my eyes coming alive with the aroma of the beans. Then the camera would pan out and I'd be completely in the nude.

What happened to our tackle football games? I miss playing that and getting all muddy. Chris F. would be the quarterback, wearing a St. Mel's Letter jacket and winking at Danielle on the sidelines. Did they get married yet? I think Billy was the running back.

Ray would also qb for the other team with his father on the sidelines. Ray would get mad at an incomplete pass, and his father would say, "Calm down Raymond."

Ray would retort, " I don't want your life."

Now, if we play, its two hand touch, everyone smokes in between touchdowns, and Steve wears a 200 dollar jersey.

"Ok, you go deep, you stay short, then zig zag."

Steve would call me up the night before and say, " I gotta pick you up early so we can stop at DePhillips and get receiver gloves."

ck

Sunday, November 30, 2008

11-30/Thanksgiving Recap
Some things never change. I keep thinking that they do, but as time goes on, you can count on certain things.The Wednesday before Thanksgiving is still, in fact, the largest impromptu re-union nights in the country. Former high school co-eds still meet up at the same places every year.

The Friday after Thanksgiving is still, in fact, the only day that guys get together and play football. Unfortunately the biggest change when it comes to this, though, is physical fitness.Already marked for the Queens flag football league, we claimed a field at Crocheron Park, slightly muddy as usual. Half of us wore baseball cleats, the other half sneakers.

Some had football wide receiver gloves, I had batting gloves.Most wore a football jersey, I wore a "baseball at night T-shirt." The "B.A.N" t-shirt had high potential to be the go-to T-Shirt for me. Unfortunately mysterious grease stains presented themselves at the appendix area, so it was now designated to "work out T-shirt" duty.

At first, it appeared that only 5 of us were going to show up, but Sal's colleague arrived with 4 friends. The difference between us and them, was that their receiver gloves were actually used before.

After a mini debate about whether to revert to our olden days by playing tackle, Steve's mechanical knee brace did all the talking for our side. After one drive we had to take a water break and Mike could get his Puma track suit dry-cleaned.

On the twin field next to us, a small group of kids multiplied into about 20, and a full blown tackle game ensued. Before taking the snap I shouted "Omaha, Omaha. 34, 34" to which I got not even a giggle.

I scrunched my nose and gave a nice Farley giggle, but just then a large 20 year old brute, took down another 20 year old with a horse collar tackle on the sister field. The tacklee got up and threw the ball at the tackler's legs, to which he responded with a loud " WHOOO!!"

I yelled hike and threw a 2 yard pass for a 3 yard gain to Sal. " WHOOO!!"

It seemed that our adversaries were jealous of the tackle game, and wanted to remember their olden high school football days. No dice for us, as Taco Bell was calling anway. After losing the first game badly, and then mixing up the teams for another, we ran for the border.

At TB, I learned of Steve's new invented soda beverage. Since he, "doesn't like the taste" of plain diet pepsi, he filled the cup then added a splash of wild cherry. Delicious and ground-breaking, I'd like to go ahead and call it "the Steve."

We sat in the "Rat Pack" booth. It was a circular booth in the corner that seemed to offer the most room, and also gave a little pride to the habitants. I could just see Frank now, ripping open the fire sauce with his teeth and doucing it on his 89 cent soft taco.They should hang a framed Rat Pack picture above the booth with the caption of Frank saying,"Who do ya gotta f--k around here to get a chalupa?"

I'd like to see this Friday-after football game evolve into playing video games in one of our dens. Hopefully, though, we won't be drinking wine and checking out the new lawnmower while waiting our turn.

ck

11-18/Your Wednesday Kay

2009-11-18T08:42:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7f2br60cjk

It's a Christmukahh miracle!

ck

11-17/Paps' Florida Chick Fil A Trek

2009-11-17T09:24:00.003-05:00

Eat mor chikin.

ck

11-12/200, some good most bad

2009-11-12T15:15:00.003-05:00

If you're familiar with the pilots overflying Minneapolis 150 miles, this is very funny...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0_9TIi76a4

http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2009/news/0911/gallery.Donald_Trump_jet/index.html

Thank you Rico and the other 3, for reading.

God Bless

ck

11-11/Old Country Road, Westbury

2009-11-11T12:43:00.002-05:00

Dear BlueJeanBaby44433,

Have you seen the new McDonald's on 15th? Id love to buy you a number 3.

ck

11-10/Picture of the Week

2009-11-10T15:54:00.000-05:00

11-10/Line of the day

2009-11-10T14:13:00.002-05:00

"my religion:
I'm Roman Catholic, not super religious, but still think Jesus is a great guy. Santa too. "

- not by me

ck

11-09/die symptome der schweinegrippe

2009-11-09T15:42:00.002-05:00

Christopher is....looking forward to beating the swine flu without antibiotics because his doctor cant see him till wednesday.

Christopher is....excited with the expected weight loss from the swine flu.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zijoZ-x6V7s part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VR83wBEz_hg&feature=related part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnCPdLlUgvo&feature=featured berlin wall falling.

ck

11-03/Highlights from Yanks Phils Game 5

2009-11-03T14:01:00.006-05:00

AJ Burnett stares in for the signs. *credit Steve Famoso

Chase Utley celebrates his second home run.

Wade Boggs' horse still awaits.

10-29/Thank You Rico

2009-10-29T23:37:00.002-04:00

That line in phenomenal.

Me, though, this night is worse than when the "Friends" writers thought is was believable that Joey and Rachel actually would have a shot. c'mon.

Thank you for inventing, "Nobody, zero." It has the power to offend people in Canada that don't know what you're talking about.

Got any lines in that rolodex of yours for my headliner?

CK

10-29/You Make Me Laugh, Canteen Boy

2009-10-29T22:00:00.002-04:00

As I continue on my journey of hotels and feigned sense of importance, I look to my hotel points to dictate. I meet, I act smart, I do my job. I use big words like, minimum separation, efficiency, safety. Each comment I make, a flash appears of a 32 in TV sitting in a creative wooden box.

The lack of a DVR has caused me to lose fluidity to my TV watching. Watching TV live again has reminded me of the good old days, where when the house phone rang, it very well could have been for me. These days, when I am home, the house phone ringing does not even register with me. Sometimes I don't even hear it, as I am startled to understand why Father exclaims, "Who the F*#k is calling now."

The Office, this Halloween Thursday, was nothing to get excited about. So much so that I decided to iron a shirt in my hotel room. So much so, I decided to eradicate my "suite" fridge of all frozen vegetables I had bought earlier in the week. So much so, I ate Almonds on the bed flipping to the Shithead vs. Shithead baseball game.

I finished ironing, ate steamed microwaved vegetables , and sipped on wine. Wine was free, along with dinner, in the lobby, but I had opted to pretend I was taking a second glass of wine to my room for a lover. That lover ended up being Tina Fey.

As much of a lackluster episode the Office was, 30 Rock has gotten better and better since it's season premiere 3 weeks ago. I can watch Tina, and Liz Lemon and think very happy thoughts that resurrect above unhappy ones, as I remember why I think Liz/Tina is so loveable and so damn funny. Plenty of funny stuff from everyone else on the show too.

Enjoy your Friday, as I ASScela my way home.

As you wrap up your work week and groom your mustaches for an interesting Halloween, listen to this as I continue my Passion Pit bandwagon tour. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frHHS5FZWnM

ck

10-28/Plaxico

2009-10-28T16:58:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-GGJ62DlmU&feature=related

ck

10-27/PHL blues

2009-10-27T16:57:00.001-04:00

We talked about this over the weekend.

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2009/10/27/david-spade-chris-farley-family-defend-new-directv-ad/

ck

10-23/Halloween Horrows

2009-10-22T17:44:00.002-04:00

It's official. Magnum P.I. Guess who is going to be who.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lrk9wsQtUgc

Still in Philadelphia. Backed up on some articles for you all.

Trick or treat.

ck

10-16/Picture of the Week

2009-10-16T15:08:00.003-04:00

" No, dad, a happy ending is when....."

10-16/The Pizza Man Lives!

2009-10-16T13:33:00.003-04:00

http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2008/10/pizza-man.html

On a cold and rainy Friday afternoon, my colleague and I walked through the FAA Cafe as we normally did every day at lunch. Today there was no umpf, no zest, and no special. We decided we'd hike across the street to try the pizza place.

Situated in a strip mall that catered to most of JFK's workers, the pizza place shared its inhabitance with a Check cashing place, Chinese take-out, and a deli that seemed to take most of the lunch crowd.

Excited to always try a new slice of pizza, we sat down at a table and had at it. I briefly took notice of someone saying, "onions," at the counter, but continued on my merry way talking to Dan about Atlantic City.

This onion gentleman now appeared at the table diagonal from us, and he settled in with a tuna sandwich on a roll, and a bottle of water. He wore a very nice suit, with a fancy tie that was so close to his top button, it almost was attached to his Adam's apple. Probably around 50, he wore designer framed glasses, and had a shaved head.

He dined alone, and obviously had something on his mind. Almost as if he was blind he stared towards the window for a bit and then searched for his bottle of water. Unsuccessful for a few moments, he snapped out of his trance and turned his head toward the .5 liter of Poland Spring and grabbed it.

Next he arranged his sandwich by ensuring that it was broken in half by completely separating the pieces and placing them neatly on the plate. He slightly opened his mouth doing so, as if his hands were of a lovers,' teasing him gently with edible sensuality.

Then the moment arrived.

He grabbed the left half with his left hand. Soon after his right hand joined in the heavy lifting. Contorting the sandwich around to protect gravity from stealing any morsel of the the minced fish, his mouth opened wide causing him to squint through his rectangular lenses. Then the trance began.

The eyes released from the squint and opened again towards the window. He chewed as if he was reciting a prayer, and then swallowed with a wince as if it was a annoying distraction. But before he could sulk that he no longer had food, he jammed another mouthful of the remaining half - his eyes and mouth now wide looking like the bite even took him by surprise. He completed the bite by shaking his head back and forth like a crocodile killing its prey.

After completing his chew, his eyes remained fixed on the window. He grabbed the water, this time remembering where it exactly was so he could continuing staring, unblinking, at what appeared to be a cartoon pizza man affixed to the window flipping a pie. His head tilted backwards to accommodate the cold bottled water, eyes remaining level at the pizza man.

I started laughing and Dan asked me why. I said I would tell him later, and we left.

ck

10-16/Fall Email Cleaning

2009-10-16T11:06:00.004-04:00

My email has been cluttered, and I decided to clean it out. Along with stomach-aching pictures, I found a possible prologue to my book that I had started ( and still only 3 chapters in ) - yes this is also the screenplay, hopefully to be narrated by Morgan Freeman.

Have fun making fun.

--------------------------

Legend, myth, or religion, has us to believe that in the beginning, it was Adam and Eve. One day, the same day as luck would have it, they both discovered there was something weird underneath these leaves attached to their bodies. Get it on.

From there on, man was with woman. Woman was with man. Then someone figured out a way for man to be with man, and after some contorting, woman was with woman. Then one day a cow moo-ed, and some weirdo was with animal. Then woman was with machine, then man was with door frame. Not sure how much emotion was included, but certainly there was some amount of pain, mixed with pleasure.

No matter how you slice it, since the dawn of time, our bodies were meant to interact with others. I think the higher powers envisioned it to be with other humans, but hey, everyone gets lonely. While there are many integral parts to the body that keeps us living, it appears that the heart and mind work together night and day. Sometimes they work for you, and you pay them well, and then sometimes they fuck you over.

If you pay them well, and keep tequila away from them, they come to work on time, always have nice ironed shirts, and for the most part work through lunch. If you ever let them hit a karaoke bar together, they’ll be shitfaced by 8pm, and singing “Love stinks” until the regulars brow beat them out the door. Then they’ll hit an Irish bar and drink whiskey until the morning when they are supposed to be at work.

All of a sudden, you have a broken heart, and your mind has no idea how to fix it.

With this power to make or break you, they are the most powerful tandem since the Captain and Tenile. It’s always best to keep them happy, and sober, reporting to work on time.

The heart, an amazing part of machinery, is made of valves and chambers, that pump blood to all parts of your body. Not only can it feel pain physically, but its life is personified by the hurt of emotional pain. As the mind analyzes mental pain, it calls the heart on its lunch break and tells it all the stuff that’s going on.

These two are inseparable, and they WILL make or break you.

ck

10-15/HorseSh*t and HandCream

2009-10-15T13:27:00.004-04:00

My past experiences of some of the greatest "bankers' hours" events has been limited to a drunken recap of a scenario that has just occurred.

Me ( usually at work ) : "hello"
whoever : "You gotta see it, a whole bachelorette party"
Me : "what?"
who : "all of em, ( putting phone away from mouth ) nobodies ( yelling in their direction )
Me : " where..?"
who : " I was just having cappuccinos with Pete Sampras, he had to leave to meet up with Brady Quinn and they are going squirrel hunting. Then all these putans marched in. "

Finally I am a part of these festivities, as now I can attend anything that you all can attend with my "bankers' hours."

This Saturday October 17, Far Hills will be hosting their annual Steeplechase Championship, otherwise known as, "The Hunt." The "classy" tailgate, as I always imagined it, involves a class conflict all drinking together to celebrate horsies.

I remember a few years back Paps mentioning "the Hunt." The first couple of times he said it, I didn't register what exactly this was. Between me thinking about what I would order for lunch and zoning out at work, I thought he was talking about a not very nice female, otherwise referring to her as "That **NT." Really he was talking up, "The Hunt."

This year, as I'll proudly mention again, I have weekends off finally and have been invited to this year's Hunt. Never having been there before, I thought about last year and how I got a play by play, inspiring me to write http://cornerbar-cwk.blogspot.com/2008/10/food-committee.html, as a review of 2008's event.

Here's what I can remember.....

Phone call # 1 - 1 hour into it.

" I tell you what. There are lots of fine broads here. This is where you want to be."

Phone call # 2 - 3 hours into it.

" If you want to find a nice girl, this is it. Class................Class. Probably nice families, catholic......this one, look at this one. Probably went to Vandy..."

Phone call # 3 - 5 hours into it.
EXTREMELY LOUD
"You gotta see these spreads. Brisket. Wine. CLASS baby, CLASS. UUU--FA! Como se dice! This one just walked by in a sundress. It's 50 degrees out. CLASS baby. "

I'm not sure exactly how this year will pan out. Rain for four days should make the ground nice and muddy. My bow tie may not make it out, but seeing Fabe in mock wellington boots might just make up for it.

ck

10-13/Magic Carpet Ride

2009-10-13T09:58:00.004-04:00

I sat on top of a 2 foot stone wall that lined the edges of the walkway in the Magic Kingdom. My undershirt was drenched in sweat, and the white polo above it hung wrinkled as if he came out of the dryer just a little damp. A sun shower started and I decided that I would take cover before I had a wet t-shirt contest duel with Minnie.

Motorized carts whizzed by driven by obese people, morbidly obese people, old people, and even young people. You had to wonder if the young people had any problems, or if they just didn't want to walk around.

A grandfather drove an electric wheelchair with his grandson sitting affectionately on top. They stopped and congregated with the child's mother, and assumed grandmother, donned in a Mickey Mouse Halter Top circa 1988. I tried not to make fun of the gathering since I was in the Magic Kingdom with my parents, Godparents, sister and boyfriend, Godparents son and girlfriend, daughter, and two teenage sons - at this moment taking pictures of them coming down Splash Mountain. I had no right.

Then the grandfather stopped the wheelchair, and the grandson got off his lap. "End of the line," I thought. The grandfather will just have to wat.....then with a spring in his step, grandpa jumped up and grabbed the grandson by hand and ran to the end of the ride's line as if the 4 people they would beat would mean hours of time saved.

Bewildered, I went back to holding the camera ready for my family to come down the slide. I thought about last nights flight, and how the captain thanked me over the PA for "having pull" all along the coast and getting us in early. How Zach, my Jetblue boy kept bringing me free wine the whole flight. How 3 people thanked me as they walked by my row, obviously guessing that I was "him."

Nobody. Zero. (RR)

Now, my next excitement came in the form of ice cream shaped like Mickey.

In all seriousness, the wine and food fair ( held in the convention center that formerly was home to "Body Wars" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_Wars ) was pretty great. I don't pretend to know or care about the "swirl and sniff" moves, but I do enjoy wines and learning about the different cultures. Up and Coming - Argentinean and Israel Wine.

The highlight of the trip was sitting next to my Godmother on the Buzz Lightyear ride, where you have to shoot lasers from your car and a real score populated on your monitor. Jack Sparrow now appears in "Pirates of the Carribean" 3 times, and our guide on the "Jungle Cruise," who looked and acted like an "ex," mockingly hit on my Godparent's very in-shape teenage son. Great.

Before I knew it I was back in the airport preparing for the flight home. I joked and spoke business with Paps on the phone, not realizing that the mother across from me was now breastfeeding her child. I had gone into a trance as we spoke about Ole Miss' tailgating tradition, and as I daydreamed about myself in seersucker, I was gazing right in the mom's direction. When I snapped out of it I became uncomfortable when I realized what had just happened.

I escaped towards the men's room, where an unusually long line had formed. In front of me an eastern European man gave his rollaway suitcase to his wife, who responded with a Polish-sounding admonition, or at least that's what I'm assuming by her tone. We made our way in, and the man checked to see if there was any vacancy in the stalls. The only open urinal was a bowl shaped protrusion, I'm assuming available for handicap users.

This wasn't an option for him, and most certainly not for me, so I followed him over to the stall area. He returned to the urinal row, since a normal one had opened up, but I stayed over in the other section. Realizing that there was going to be no room over there for a while, I turned back.

The eastern European was now set up in the middle of the pack with his shorts around his ankles, and his blue briefs pulled down to around his thighs. I decided to do the "look at my watch and realize I need to go do something else" routine, and headed out the door.

It was almost time to board the plane, so I just hid in the corner listening to the Passion Pit's "Eyes Like Candles," until it had no meaning. It was time to go home more tired than when I had arrived.

I need a vacation.

ck

10-10/ F You

2009-10-10T01:05:00.003-04:00

Why is there a Bible in the dresser? Wow, someone must have been crazy.

ck

10-08/Pains of My Labor Pt. V

2009-10-08T10:32:00.008-04:00

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. My air mattress started off fully inflated, so my slumber was not too bad. Something was wrong though; I wasn't hung over.

I headed downstairs and puttered through the kitchen. This morning I didn't feel like cooking, but I surveyed the rations and what was available. Shortly after, Paps arrived, shirtless as usual. He disappeared and I heard the door slam shut, followed a few seconds later by another slam. Nope, still not improved.

The rest of the house was still in deep slumber, so we decided to put on real clothes ( not a swimsuit ) and head out to town. There was a bit of a nip in the air, a harbinger of the end of many things to come. We hit the diner in town, a massive place that could hold up to 18 people.

I sat on the side of the booth that faced the tennis courts; inspired by the U.S. Open that was going on minutes from my house, but many miles from our present position. An attractive young lady was playing tennis, badly, with an older gentleman that was probably named Morty. He also probably had 6 cars, 3 of them convertibles, a summer home in all corners of the country, and most likely a boat, simply named "$," maybe with a smiley face next to it.

The diner was bustling with activity, and people watching was at an all time high. A man with two kids taking up a section meant for 8 - a hipster trio talking about money - a couple who jumped at the opportunity to sit at the counter, scoffing at those that wanted to wait for a table.

A teenager eventually occupied a booth that could hold 4. He was joined by an older gentleman, a young child, and a smoking hot close to 30 year old, dolled up in a way that she had some vices to hide.

Phil and I shared French Toast, and wondered if we'd ever be this rich.

Short of apple picking, we enjoyed the fruits of the town for a Sunday Morning. Making a turn down a road, Larry David and guest were leaving their house. Paps saw Tiki Barber in a convertible, and I swore I saw Brad and Angelina driving in a 50's Mercedes convertible. (They were in France or something) I was excited to get back to the house to do nothing, and when we arrived, the other campers were preparing themselves for a day at the beach. 85 degrees of sun with a warm breeze.....was not what it was like this day.

Their cab arrived to take them to the public beach, a place where you needed an unattainable parking pass to park. I declined to accompany them, as Paps and I wanted to work on our model ship in a bottle.

Paps and I decided to head out to explore the north side beaches, so we packed up Belmont and went on our pilgrimage. The beach was cluttered with thousands of little rocks, and we played a rousing game of throw this rock the closest to that rock. It reminded me of earlier, when 85 year old Gladys told us about the "clubs"in the area, as she sat and watched her grandaughter clam in the bay.
I'm actually falling asleep writing this right now.

Somehow me and Paps got drunk and made our way back to the house where we ate steak sandwiches. Business was slowly picking up on this last twilight of our Hamptons excursion. The roommates arrived back, annoyed that we finally started to have fun. I was reminded of when I first met them, and a silhouette of Paps face appeared reminding me, "Who are they? They're nobodies, that's who......Nobodies."

We got a "throw the football and a dive into the pool game" going. After wearing my bathing suit for most of the weekend, I ironically jumped into the pool wearing my regular shorts. When the ball flew into the trees, I decided to walk shirtless in between the shrubs. Acting like Sasquatch, I got the nickname 'bear.'

Uninterested in showering inside, I got my shampoo and body wash and bathed in the pool. Apparently the roommates wanted to prepare for their polar bear club activities and bathe the next day, so I disrupted the equilibrium of the pool. I felt bad, then "Nobodies" whispered through my head.

We continued power hour(s) through the rest of the evening, deciding on where we would go. Our goal was http://www.stephentalkhouse.com/, which looked like a great place to go, however I wasn't understanding of their economics.

The cover for their 8 p.m. band was 100 dollars, 10 p.m. 10 dollars, and 1130 was 25 dollars. I think we showed up at 945 p.m. and they wanted the 100 dollars. No one was in there. We ended up going to the Irish bar next door for a while, actually having a pretty good time there. One person in the bar stood out as "looks familiar," and Paps with the call announced it was Mark Prior. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mark_Prior

At the Irish Bar a gentleman asked one of our lady friends to dinner. Married, he was on some Harvard Medical School Board proven by a large piece of gauze attached to his face and a worn out baseball cap that said "Harvard" on it. Networking.

We eventually went next door back to the Talkhouse, but had missed the 10 dollar cover, and had to pony up 25. Entering the place I was presently surprised, as the outdoor bar area was full of people, but in arranged in a comfortable symmetry allowing easy passage through the crowd.

As if it was a giveaway night at the ballgame, Paps got 3 numbers by just walking into the place. I got a shot of Jaeger, that I paid for.

Inside the building was another bar area that played faster, dance-type music, but bottle-necked into the main room/bar where the bands played. I quickly found myself alone as Paps took a meeting in the fast/dance bar, and CD took care of some paperwork.

After Paps finished up, he joined me for a few drinks in between his next meeting. After talking for a while, he invited me to observe, but I told him that I had a meeting of my own with a housemate. He replied, "Nobodies." Got it.

So we danced to the live music = Paps danced to the live music and I stood in the corner.
We met lots of people = me in the corner/Paps 3 more numbers.

CD left some things in his briefcase at the house, so he had to get back early, eventually leading Paps and I to retreat back to the house. Searching for a livery cab that would take us back, Paps jumped in and bargained. A second later another local cab driver announced that our trip would be a large percentage less so we jumped in with him.

The two drivers were at odds over this and alot of "halalalalalalala" ensued. As I urged the driver to leave so I could make cheeseburgers back at the house, our 1:00 clients entered the cab. Paps' eyes lit up as if a drunk bachelorette party had just walked in begging to party.
I = Cheeseburger.

Paps' client could barely speak, and her friend had a boyfriend, and I wanted a fucking cheeseburger. They allegedly asked us to party at their empty mansion but I had some business back at the house - cheeseburger - that needed attention immediately.

We almost hit a deer and then we were back home. I ate a cheeseburger. CD's business associate was on the couch.

Great Night.

ck

10-07/"It's Just Odd and a Little Bit Offensive"

2009-10-07T16:10:00.004-04:00

I said excuse me little mama if I may
Take this thought and send it your way
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back,
But I just gotta sayI wanna be on you (on you)
I wanna be on you (on you)
And if you don’t like that, then send it right back

-Ne Yo / Flo Rida

I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you.

-Ron Burgundy

Is this a well known situation and I got the memo late?

ck

10-02/For Those That Made a Night of it

2009-10-02T14:32:00.003-04:00

Of course you can guess who gets to be who...

http://www.entertonement.com/clips/mljcqbpyhs--Anchorman-The-Legend-of-Ron-Burgundy-Paul-Rudd-Brian-Fantana-Hung-Over

hit play.

10-01/Calling All Plastic Surgeons

2009-10-01T16:07:00.007-04:00

Fwd: Opportunity to be on TV‏

From:Matt Baseball (chach@.com)

Sent:Thu 10/01/09 2:21 PM

To:Chris

Bro, right up your alley!!!

Sent from my iPhone
Begin forwarded message:

From: Tim

Date: October 1, 2009 12:38:57 PM EDT

Subject: Opportunity to be on TV

MEMO

To: All MSBL/MABL League Presidents

From: Steve Sigler

I have been contacted by the ABC TV Show, The Bachelorette.

As stated in their memo to me -

The search is on for 25 suitors, age 25-35, who will meet the next Bachelorette. Do you know someone with the personality, charisma and a sense of adventure, who is ready to have some fun and possibly find true love?

They are looking, through our league, for men who play baseball.

Please feel free to publicize throughout your league and indicate if someone fits this category to contact Kelli , casting producer - or call -954-.

Thank you!

Steve--

hmmm..........
ck

10-01/So You Think You Can What?

2009-10-01T08:24:00.003-04:00

SYTYCD - I watched 5 minutes of this show during a piece on a "romantic ballroom" dance team. The woman was the only one that was trying out, but the companion was only there to help her in support. His white shirt was open to reveal his chest, and it was spread in a fashion where it must have been glued open. I don't know how this is accomplished, however it must involve alot of starch or perhaps crazy glue.

Modern Family - The best show on TV right now. It's good to see Al Bundy back, except he's rich and his new character's personality is a bit toned down from Al. Ty Burrell, "Phil" is already taking the lead as most Arrested Development like character. Funny guy, uses alot of physical humor.

Glad to see updates from Dubai.

ck

09-27/Pains of My Labor Pt. IV

2009-09-28T14:13:00.007-04:00

Theoretically I was sleeping on the floor. I was protected from the countless amounts of crime scene evidence by my not inflated air mattress - now acting as a body condom. My hips hurt, due to the way I often violently throw myself around during sleep. In this setup, I was cushioned only by a centimeter or two of rubber, and 2 inches of air that never stood a chance. Recharge the damn pump, immediately.

Paps looked like an extra from the movie ET, where all the scientists took over the house trying to keep the environment sterile.

I limbered down the stairs - my eyes coming in contact with blue goose first. I guess we had wheeled it in the middle of the night. I moved it slightly, and it responded with the muffled sounds of ice cold water sloshing around. Opening it up I was happy to find a mix of about a dozen MLs and bullets.

Setting the tone for the rest of the day, I found myself to be bored. Naturally, I started to cook potatoes, followed by prepping for the rest of breakfast by shredding cheese.

One of the guests rumbled down the stairs, immediately set on making coffee. Sounded good to me, except it was some sort of nut blend - a blend I don't mind, but not my favorite. A beer will do instead. Just then, the sift and snap of a ML brought me out to the living room/kitchen/patio. It was Paps, cracking one open. Mark it, 8:35 a.m.

The rest of the house eventually came to. I suppose they weren't able to sleep through the door slamming 15 times, a result of Paps constantly checking if things got better. Nope.

Breakfast was delicious. CD was unable to finish his hearty 6 egg omelet, citing that it was "terrible, disgusting, and I wish you weren't my friend." He slammed down his fork, threw the plate and jumped off the high chair.

Discouraged I threw the rest of the food out the window, and we prepared to start our day. Lucky for me I was already dressed from the night before, just a couple of ketchup stains and ripped T-shirt away from not looking like a homeless person.

We hopped in the Audi and drove into town, where we found a lovely bar. Setting myself on trying to look so bumish that people would have to think I was rich, we swaggered in and ordered some drinks. Before I could even say "Captain an...." B Kennedy was already discovered. Almost as if choreographed for an attack, countless hot 30 year olds assembled in attack formation, taking different angles from around the bar, wineglasses in hand. I watched tennis.

After a hearty amount of drinking I checked out some 400 dollar sunglasses. It wasn't my style though. I didn't have to say it, but my ketchup stains did, just like in that Tide to Go commercial when the guy goes on an interview.

We got back to the house and I prepared the hamburgers and cold pasta salad. It was delicious. Now if only a Golden Girls marathon....Lucky day.

Paps and I sat on the couch watching intently. We sang the theme song as if it was our life, and at that very moment it was. Briefly interested in the truth or dare game going on outside, Blanche did something slutty, Sofia made a great one liner, and Dorothy went "Maaa!" so I was back to focusing on the TV.

A few more, "Nobody cares." and we were off to bed.

"This day is almost over, tomorrow is going to be really quick, and Monday we're leaving. It's like 3 hours, tops."

ck

09-24/Hi There

2009-09-24T16:11:00.000-04:00

dallas.

johns wedding.

end of 'Pains of My Labor.'

Stick with me.

ck

09-16/Pains of My Labor Pt. III

2009-09-16T13:07:00.003-04:00

The owner of the house, Steven, and a houseguest.

ck

09-14/Pains of My Labor Pt. II

2009-09-14T09:12:00.005-04:00

"So, this is the great housesitting job you found.....This place is a dump."

"Just wait until you see the pool...."

Purple Couch.

Nestled in the middle of the Sherwood forest, 45 Sherwood Lane welcomed us into its gravel landing strip. There to help us with bags and groceries were 100 spiders.

"This is not a party house," rang through my head, as I managed to safely navigate through the living room into the kitchen without breaking anything. Wide eyed, I looked around the massive living room - a gigantic 12 inch flat screen gracing the shelf of a bookcase.

On the wall hung Steven Glasberg's 4th grade masterpiece, "I found a pastel set, and saw a boat once."

The house smelled of rich mahogany, drizzled with moth balls and suntan lotion. I couldn't wait to deep fry something, just to give my olfactics a smell that didn't make me want to vomit. We let the other housemates relax as we unpacked all their food for the weekend, especially since the sun dial said that there would only be about 47 minutes of sunlight breaking through the trees.

Since the groceries took up the last remaining seat in the car, we left CD at the store with his computer and a sandwich bigger than his hands. We jumped back into the car and returned to town. Unfortunately it took a while to get him since we got stuck behind an old horse and buggy.

Purple Couch.

"Yo no sé por qué dejar los zapatos en la casa. Tengo que limpiar después de su grasa detrás de todo el día. Sus hijos van a crecer como usted!!!"

"Yes dear."

After we arrived back from town we decided to relax a little on the stained couch. Hoping that is was a mustard stain from 1987, I shifted to the right to make sure I didn't come into contact with it. If only there was a 'Married with Children' marathon on. Jackpot!

I started prepping for the dinner by preparing my guacomole and fried tortilla appetizer. The skirt steaks had been marinating all day, and were ready to be grilled. Some of us don't eat red meat.

That evening comprised of card drinking games that nobody cared about, I mean, nobody - zero - and cake. More cake for some than others. Thank God Austin Powers came on.

When it was all said and done, our choices were another yellow stained sheet bed, or an uninflated air mattress on a hard wood floor. I got the floor, thankfully, and Paps put on his spacesuit and laid in the "bed."

Here's to a hearty 3 hour sleep. See you in the morning.

ck

09-11/Pains of My Labor Pt.I

2009-09-11T15:44:00.007-04:00

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. As Miley Cyrus helped us dance our way to the Hamptons with the drop top down, we might as well have been the models from Zoolander dancing in the gasoline. Except one model was fat in our rendition.

I relearned that there was a Roy Rogers off the Sunrise Highway on the William Floyd Parkway. Pointing it out after it had been noticed was the first step to remembering it forever, however it didn't yield to anything except for the thought of a roast beef and cheese.

The Sunrise Highway also has many bathrooms along side of it. CD was able to find one by logging onto his PC and searching for one. Even though it took him a while to find one, he searched and searched. He also procrastinated finishing Mrs. Kendall's class report on Metormorphic Rocks by playing solitaire and minesweeper. It didn't matter though, his printer was out of ink.

We laughed and smiled, the warm wind blowing through our hair. Thoughts of Rico in a cubicle passed through my mind. I smiled. Rico.

After making great time, we entered the one lane bottleneck into the illustrious Hamptons. A corn husking machine welcomed us to our right, conveniently located next to a playground. The children could laugh and play and sing, as fresh corn shucked by thousands and thousands of razors shot out from only a few feet away.

The car had been loaded up. Since Audi convertibles were not known for their hauling ability, room was tight. There was a hierarchy of what would make it on our trip.

Non Perishable Foods

Mother K had warned me of not finding acceptable prices on food-stuffs out in the Hamptons. So I had poured over all the circulars looking for great deals on block cheese, and frozen broccoli. Thankfully my boxes of squash and bottles of vegetable oil fit into the trunk.

Blue Goose - aka a cooler

Blue Goose was summoned on the trip so that a wheelable cooler was available. This would help when a cooler full of beer could be wheeled around a deck or living room.

Air Mattress/Pillow

This would be an integral part of the night, so that a person could sleep on it inflated 20 percent and offer a pleasant snoring slumber to a roommate in a bed full of yellow stained sheets.

Luggage and backpacks

Unfortunately there was no room for clean clothes and bags with toothbrushes and deodorants. These would have to be left at train stations or the side of the road.

ck

09-09/Wait Patiently

2009-09-08T19:33:00.003-04:00

Read this while we wait for Pains of My Labor....

http://news.aol.com/article/hiker-falls-after-marriage-proposal-on/659548

ck

09-03/Sunday Menu

2009-09-03T14:11:00.003-04:00

Breakfast - Top of the Muffin to you!

Eggs Benedict or Good Old Fashioned cooked to order

Poached Eggs with Canadian bacon drizzled with Hollandaise Sauce

on an English Muffin

Dinner- Phil's got crabs! I mean clams!

All American Clam Bake

Phil has come back from clamming, and he's got clams!

Fresh clam meat baked in a wonderful medley of spices and bread crumbs. Delish.

Honey BBQ Chicken

Boneless Chicken Thighs marinated in bbq sauce and honey,

grilled to a smokey brown.

Served with Ranch Dressing on toasted Garlic Bread

Rosemary and Garlic Roasted Potato Wedges

They are wedges of potato roasted in rosemary and garlic.

Dessert

Watermelon

Ask Rico what's in that Watermelon and why there is a hole in it.....or just have a piece or 7!

09-01/Saturday Menu

2009-09-01T12:39:00.010-04:00

A long evening of laughing, singing songs on guitar over a bonfire, and Zima, will be followed by a relaxing night's rest. Then, wake up to your "Scintillating Saturday" in East Hampton.

"Scintillating Saturday"

East Hampton, NY

Labor Day 2009

-----------------~~~~~~---------------

Guten Morgen, Bon Matin, Ohayo Gozaimasu, Buenos Dias

Good Morning!

OMELETE OF YOUR CHOICE

Visit Chef CK's morning omelet station with your choice of feta, swiss, or cheddar cheese oozing out of three fluffy eggs prepared in omelet fashion. Just in from a run? CK will set you up with egg whites, for your morning protein burst! ( if not already received )

PANCAKES ALA RICO

For those looking for a barrage of batter, you can have all you can eat pancakes, served with butter and maple syrup, escorted by fresh melon wedges.

BACON AND COUNTRY HOME FRIED POTATOES

Wake up to the smell of frying bacon, as it crackles with potatoes fried with onion and pepper.

COFFEE TEA AND FRESH ORANGE JUICE

Nudge your lover awake with a cup of his or her favorite morning beverage....

They will love you forever!!!*

* not included

-----------------~~~~~~~~~-----------------

Back from the beach??? Let's Eat!!!

BBQ LOBSTER TAILS

Fresh lobster tails grilled to perfection in a lemon garlic butter sauce.

Not for Land Lubbers!!

FRESH SIRLOIN BURGERS

For those that don't like that fishy taste, enjoy a sirloin burger stuffed with your favorite cheese.

COLD PASTA SALAD AND GARLIC SAUTEED BROCCOLI

Italy's greatest invention and broccoli will make you go bapa bapa bapa ba ba bappabadda ba da da!!!

---------------~~~~~~~~~-----------------

APPLE COBBLER

Celebrate the fruits of your LABOR with a fresh warm apple cobbler. Served with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. Better wake up early for that beach run with CD!!

8-31/Friday Night Menu

2009-08-31T09:44:00.009-04:00

Every day this week, I will be releasing the Hamptons Menu. For any concerns or special requests, please contact me.

Friday Evening Welcome Mixer

followed by

Dinner on the Veranda

----------------~~~~~~---------------

Fresh Guacamole Dip served with Home Made Tortilla chips

A delightful medley of Waldbaum's finest in season avocados, red onion, and a splash of lime juice, served delicately with fresh pan fried tortilla chips. It will make Colin go "mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!"

Assortment of Potato Chips, Pretzels and fresh French Onion dip.

Enjoy a cocktail of your choice, while talking to Phil about his hair products and flat stomach.

---------------~~~~~~-------------

In the Main Dining room/Screened in Porch

Marinated Rico Skirt Steak Skewers

An inexhaustibly marinated skirt steak, barbecued to perfection, is served along with America's favorite San Francisco Treat. A beer battered corn-on-the-cob boils in its juices on the grill for your delight.

Mixed Garden Salad with your choice of dressing*

Crisp Romaine Lettuce with fresh Vegetables from Mom and Pop's Rte 27 stand, will help round off your meal and keep you as thin as Dooley.

*dressings include Paul Newman's Italian, Lite Italian, Thousand Island or CK's balsamic and oil Italian Mix

---------------~~~~~~-------------

Coffee and Tea as desired or after dinner drink of your choice

Ice Cream Sandwiches

Nothing says welcome to a great American weekend like a couple of Ice Cream Sandwiches. Talk about Sports! or who you would F, K, or M, - even though you dream about lost loves as you look up at the twilight fading into a beautiful moonlit sky....

Welcome!

8-28/Inap@work

2009-08-28T11:25:00.002-04:00

http://games.venturebeat.com/2009/04/17/iphone-app-lets-you-get-away-with-napping-at-work/

Congrats to the work-release program Philadelphia Eagles, and their "awesome" fans who not only welcomed Michael Vick, but gave him a standing ovation, as he ran out onto the field for his first game since incarceration.

Two hard core fans high fived repeatedly and then embraced, jumping up and down. "We got Vick!!!!! We got Vick!!!" they celebrated.

Changes at the Lincoln-Financial consisted of removing the name "hot dogs" from concessions and renaming them "Philly weiners," after the fans. After touchdowns, an AV presentation of Vick running with a Yorkshire Terrier at the Westminster Dog Show will be shown, finished by him holding up the 1st place medal.

ck

08-27/Listen Up

2009-08-27T08:02:00.003-04:00

500 Days of Summer is the best movie I have seen in a while.

If you look closely you can see me with my shirt on....
http://www.hamptons.com/live_view.php?camID=1

Take a look at KFC's new invention for me to eat at 3am in Penn...
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/food/2009/08/26/2009-08-26_kfcs_new_double_down_sandwich_swaps_bun_for_two_deepfried_chicken_breasts_extra_.html

ck

08-24/Philadelphia's Ted Hierl

2009-08-24T13:33:00.006-04:00

http://konzern.lufthansa.com/en/html/presse/pressemeldungen/index.html?c=nachrichten/app/show/en/2009/08/952/HOM&s=0

It's about that time of year again. Lufthansa flight attendants will be dressed in Bayerisch (Bavarian) traditional clothing for 3 flights to celebrate Oktoberfest.

Ted Hierl is the chairman for the September German activities.
http://cazoo.org/TedHierl.html

ck - Today I used the word "egregious" at work to describe Gov. Patterson's remarks.

08-19/Peter......What's Happening

2009-08-19T10:37:00.006-04:00

It's the art of looking busy.

Things are going well, but I apologize for my lack of funniness. Stay tuned for something soon.

Looks like I made it, just about a year too late.

ck

08-14/Baseball Interpreted by Paps

2009-08-14T13:19:00.001-04:00

Apparantly this is what Paps believes my playoff game looks like.

http://www.monticellolive.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/tball.png

ck

08-10/Stay Tuned

2009-08-10T22:44:00.001-04:00

07-30/News and Notes from Around the League

2009-07-30T11:48:00.008-04:00

Thanks to roving reporters Paps and Dools, we have updates from around the League.

My clone got the "no undershirt, not scared to show my chest" gene.

Uncle Dave tapped his foot waiting for his queue to start the sax line to "Who Could it be Now?"

ck

07-29/R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2009-07-29T21:26:00.005-04:00

http://www.bsideblog.com/images/2008/09/227_cast.jpg

"Also cast in 227 was Jackée Harry as the building's sexy vamp, Sandra Clark, who constantly bickered back and forth with Mary about their respective views on life." from wikipedia

-----------------

As she explained the company policies, ethics and what was expected of him, Chris wanted to show that he was paying attention. As he filed through different phrases of what to say, like "I see," or "I understand," the only thing that came to his mind was, "I feel that."

ck

07-24/Jack and Lisa down by the Schoolyard

2009-07-24T09:41:00.007-04:00

I like my coffee with just a little bit of skim milk. The robust, charry, bean flavor is just dampened by a trickle of the milk. If I'm doing the pouring, it sometimes makes a plop, and therefor I do not need to stir it.

Coffee never was a big deal to me until college. I guess I didn't need it back then, however it would have given me a reason to go in early to school. As much as I loved sitting with Jack and Lisa while me and Fabian played "who's going to go the longest without making eye contact with a girl," I really had no reason to go in early.

The two-door gold Hyundai Excel puttered up to Blue Bay and I exited there, so my father could make the next left turn that put him on the LIE. The absence of radio drove me to bringing a walkman; the headphones probably a souvenir from Delta when we flew to Florida.

I'd listen to Howard Stern, and relay to dad when he was talking about a part of a woman's anatomy, or if she was undressing or having an orgasm contest. I would try to get the point across without having to say the word "orgasm."

The little prick that I was, could have talked to him the measly 10 minute drive, but instead I wanted to listen to that dumb fuck, or hope to hear "Too Close" by Next. In that case I could sing some of the words at lunch so that Mike Agrusa would think I was cool.

"Baby when we're lying, I get so slighted, Ooh how I like it, I'm shy but I'll just try it..."

I'd still give dad a kiss goodbye, the gesture leaving the scent of an expensive cologne around my face. His cologne, when combined with his suit, made his person worth more than the car that encased him. Somewhere 5 miles behind us, a teacher was getting into a sparkly new Audi A4.

For me, though, the trace of cologne combined with my rayon tie, which was one small step above a clip-on. This definitely made me a slam pig for anyone in the band that was showing up to the German Club party later that night.

High School left us in the middle of the pack, very able to stay out of the spotlight. Whether that meant we would never be cool, nor nerds, it seemed that we'd forever live in the comfort of mediocrity.

People like Paps and John kept their close ties to the upper echelon, often getting me the respect of a hallway nod from the greats like, Gill, or Godek, because of my affiliation. Thanks to John, Dina T would nervously smile when I approached, instead of the normal, "I think the milk was sour," type of face.

Steve ate his sandwich slowly and used words like "herb" and "wet towel."

We could have done more with ourselves. I could have smoked cigarettes with Mike Chatterton, perhaps then I could have asked him to explain to me what he meant when he called me "straight edge."

I should have used the prestige of being on the Varsity Golf Team to getting us into more parties with Mike Schmidt.

That was ten years ago. Now we have our own parties, some of us smoke cigarettes, Steve still uses the word "herb" and "wet towel." I even know the words to some dance songs.

"I wanna make love right now now now, I wanna make love right now now. Should have never broke up right now now now We need to leave Club right now now now."

Now you've got your Fire Island's and your Hamptons. Your love's lost and never found again. Good luck and be well.

- this speech delivered at the German Club reunion. Mr. Hiller clapped furiously, dropping his Leberkase pizza. Then he looked around and wondered where Paps and Fabe were.

ck

07-23/Dreams suck

2009-07-23T14:11:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5SNoTRTeJQ

ck

07-17/Guest Bloggy

2009-07-17T14:49:00.001-04:00

I'm in it.

http://ligolfer47.blogspot.com/

ck

07-15/Enjoy my (friends)

2009-07-15T19:44:00.000-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6BOO4G-jV4

ck

07-13/Sailing the High C's, Pt. IV

2009-07-13T12:11:00.005-04:00

And now the dramatic conclusion.

------------------

Young Roxanne had enjoyed herself a little too much on this trip, as she had been having cocktail after cocktail. Showing the Men's bathroom how great of time she had been having, it resulted in making it unusable for the rest of the trip.

As the queue built up for the woman's bathroom, CK wobbled over and waited. After he made it to the promised land, he emerged and saw the young gentleman, his suit disheveled and a scowl on his face.

"It's no problem, bro," CK said, adding that its all over.

"It is a problem, and it's not over," the young man said, taking CK by surprise.

A lack of riboflavin in CK's diet, had made him feel very cool, almost like he could get away with wearing Aviator sunglasses, even at night. He responded with a pat on the young man's chest,

"Then I guess we will settle it on the dock."

"I guess we will."

"I guess we will."

Feeling like a tough guy, CK left the dining room/bathroom/lounge cabin, and headed to the Lido deck, probably trailing a piece of toilet paper on his shoe.

CK emerged onto the Lido deck, hoping to get a dance with Coco. He was discussing nautical knowledge with a young lady, showing her how to navigate by stars. CK descended back to the dining area, and he saw a scuffle ensuing.

The young man had continued his antics, motivating Baker to ask him to calm down. In slow motion, he used the C word in describing Baker, unleashing the fury of the Fab.

"Only I get to call her that!" the angry Fab exclaimed, having to be restrained.

Out of nowhere, Glass Joe jumped through the plated glass window arriving in the dining room ready to rumble.

The ship's second officer/bartender arrived on scene to break it up.

CK tried to explain that things had gone awry because of the young man's comments.

"Not the girls man, not the girls!" CK said over and over. Glass Joe punched a life preserver in agreement.

"Take us back to the dock!"

Tools O'Shea had been in the U.S. for about 3 weeks and had befriended almost everyone on the boat. He took CK aside to calm him down.

"It's naught wert it, me friend." His kind eyes making up for grabbing a fistful of CK's shirt.

The final straw had been broken and the ship powered back to port. CK felt bad about the situation and wadded up a five dollar bill, shoving it into the hand of the purser/second officer/bartender/bouncer.

"Sorry for the trouble man," CK said, not realizing the douche chills he will be feeling for the next weeks to come.

The excitement of the situation brought everyone down to earth, and the group escaped together without ever hearing from the young man again.

Paps celebrated the evening by removing his shirt, and CK followed suit, angling the shirt to rest over most of his body anyway.

Randomly Paps starting hailing cabs for girls, secretly hoping that someone would invite him to come with.

The night ended with cocktails at the bar, and telling stories of how great life is when you live in a city.

Then everyone clinked glasses.

ck

07-10/Sailing the High C's, Pt. III

2009-07-10T10:55:00.003-04:00

As they entered the vessel, the sweet sounds of a piano and glasses clinking could be heard throughout the dining room. Subtle laughter ran around the cabin, as some of the city's elite dined on hors d'oeuvres.

In one corner, the finest of New Jersey's mozzarella cheeses were deep fried in bread crumbs, heated and chilled. At the port side, they could find a delicious melody of meats and cheese, described by one as "the creme-de-la-crem of Hero's Le Italian e Americano..."

And bagel bites.

The group hoisted themselves onto the Lido Deck where they sipped on welcome cordials.

"I'll have a Grey Goose and tonic," CK said, as he motioned toward the parade of premium bottles hiding behind the bartender.

"Premium liquor is not included today," and he held up a bottle of Kraplakistan's finest vodka, Kraplak.

"Ok, I'll have that and tonic."

CK looked over at Paps and said,

"I wonder how many drinks it will take to get my 50 dollars worth," chuckling at his own miserliness. He briefly thought his mother would be proud at his attempt at getting every penny out of something, like eating alot at a salad bar and taking home half of your meal.

Phil was annoyed. Using his hands to settle CK, he said, "Let's take it easy, just enjoy yourself."

"I thought that would be funny. Like something mom would...."

"No- it wasn't funny."

-------------

All of the beautiful young ladies were finished boarding, and it was time to depart. CK waved to them as their boat passed.

KR finished his Muscle Milk, then started doing pull ups off the side of the Lido Deck.

As the late afternoon turned into dusk, the boat rumbled along the East River, dancing with the Statue of Liberty, then deciding to go up the Hudson. They loved every minute of it, toasting drink after drink, and taking picture after picture.

Coco, who was spotted less than Waldo, just showed his thick hair in a different part of the crowd, every hour on the hour. He would entertain the group by saying things like, " Hi," and "Hey."

CK had hit the dance floor and danced for about 2 minutes, prompting him to text at least one known friend that he was "In a dance-off."

Next, the moment everyone was waiting for had arrived. The human auction.

A parade of young ladies and gentlemen auctioned themselves off for a night of raunchy sexual acts, all benefiting charity. CK had thought it would be a good idea to dance seductively behind one thin gentleman as he was auctioned off.

Looking down at his friends, and giving something resembling the "hang-loose" sign, he started making hip thrusts in the young man's direction. CK turned to put his backside closer to the gentleman as his friends looked on.

Figuring it was enough, he jumped down and joined his friends. Just then Paps' hair started shaking as his conversation became heated with the young man. CK was taken aback by this development, and looked for Coco, who was looking very innocent in the corner.

It appeared that someone had taunted the young man, and it agitated him, creating a stir on the Lido Deck.

"Lets all calm down, we are all here for the same reason," was the mantra, as everyone's inner Suffolk county started frothing to the surface. CK tried to do his best to settle the young man down, but he wanted nothing to do with it.

"He's yelling ZERO, ZERO, ZERO!" the young man said, as he pointed toward the direction of Coco. Coco had taken up a conversation with a young lady, and looked startled to have been confused with the imaginary man.

Paps had come under fire as well. CK had created a dare to be great moment by pretending he wanted to be in a fight. Much like Buster in Arrested D. he was looking for someone to throw a punch.

CK had blocked Paps and now stood with his arms crossed, looking at the young man, who's words now became an incessant river of insults.

"Go have another beer!" he yelled at Paps.

"Ok, I will." Paps replied, as he realized he was fresh out.

CK turned to look at Paps, but this time came face to face with KR, who's fiery eyes were locked at the young man. CK turned back arms folded, and with KR created a wall much like the Tri-Lams did when they blocked the Alpha Betas at the end of Revenge of the Nerds. All they needed was the bass disco beat from the movie, that resembled a much hipper Law and Order opening theme.

The young man settled down, and all was well, for the time being.

----------------

ck

07-09/Sailing the High C's, Pt. II

2009-07-09T12:32:00.002-04:00

Downtown, CK and Fab held back tears as the pizza-booze joint offered deals like, " A pie and a pitcher/bottle of wine" for 22 dollars. A slice and a beer was offered at 5 dollars.

As the Czech girl took the orders, Baker looked on the two boys with a quizzical expression. The boys were closely whispering to each other and giggling. Baker's only clues were the words, "pizza," "beer," "wine" coming out in between giggles.

Outside, the skies were turning grey, and then darker grey, setting off Fab's weather alert radio from his pocket. The boat was 'shoving off' in about an hour, and a storm was brewing - the skies looked pretty rough too.

Paps strolled in as the trio was served their slices. Not aware of the deal, he ordered two grandma slices and a beer. As Paps sat down next to him, CK asked the status of Coco.

"Coco is held up. He should be here soon."

CK bit his nail, and was concerned. He didn't want the boat to leave without them. Just then Coco arrived, and everyone breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"The numbers are in!"

-----------

The rain came down for about 25 minutes, sending the trio running for a cab. CK grew concerned as he knew that water would create a wet T-shirt contest with his name on the 1st place prize. Within two minutes, they were at the dock and waiting for Coco and Paps who accepted walking with umbrellas.

KR and wife waited patiently for the group to arrive. Cracking his neck constantly, and trying to stay loose, KR muscled a hello through clenched teeth.

"So are we ready to have some fun?" CK yelled.

CK flipped through Caddyshack, and Gilligan's Island images trying to come up with a quote to start off the trip.

"I guess we're going on the Minnow....SS Minnow...."

Realizing he was struggling off the bat, he nervously tried to help along the joke by singing,

"Come and knock on my door...I guess Larry will be there at the Regal...." Then realizing he started quoting 'Three's Company' he gave up and checked out the water. KR groaned.

Paps and Coco arrived shortly after. Within minutes, Captain Jib IV, Captree, NY, was open for business.

--------

ck

07-09/Sailing the High C's, Pt. I

2009-07-09T09:02:00.007-04:00

With much anticipation, I present to you, " Sailing the High C's."

-----------------
Coco shuffled papers around his desk nervously, as he knew that time was running out.

"I've got to get these numbers upstairs before 5, or corporate is going to have my ass!!" he mumbled to himself.

On the other side of the room, Paps made his way out of the elevator, prompting everyone to stand up in their cubicle.

"Hi Paps! - Hey Paps! - Paps, bro, whats happenin? - Hiiiiiiii Pappy...." was heard from each cubicle he passed, strolling from the elevator over to the corner office where you could hear Coco slamming drawers in a rush.

Paps stopped at Susie Watermaker's station, briefly fixing his tie before stepping in.

"Susie girl, what's good?" Paps said slowly, changing the angle of his watch's face as he talked.

"Not much Paps....thanks again for the help on the Penske file, you really got me out of a bind."

"No problem, maybe I'll see you on the boat," Paps said as he cooly slid off the corner of her desk where he had sat during the brief confrontation.

"Maybe..." she said, lowering her eyes. Her mouth slowly curled into a smile as her eyes raised up again to meet his.

"Take care." Paps said with a wink, as he tapped the side of the cubicle, and headed to the corner office.

Paps strutted into Coco's office, and with a twirl shut the door.
"We gotta get going. We're meeting everyone at some pizza-booze joint."

"I don't know if I'm going to get out in time, I can't find my numbers from June. They're going to be on my ass if I don't send the report upstairs before I go," Coco said, as he kept shuffling through papers on his desk.

"Don't give me that shit, just make them up. We really have to get going."

"Not today."

Coco started to look through the papers on his desk feverishly now, knocking over a picture of him with the 2004 NYC Marathon winner, Hendrik Ramaala.

"Just get it done and meet me at the pizza-booze place."

"Whatever," Coco said quietly, as Paps left the office and headed for the elevator.

As the elevator doors closed, all you could hear was,

"Bye Pappy-Bye Paps-See you later bro...........He's so dreamy...." ding.

-----------

Paps walked back into his office, and KR asked him to shut the door.

"I guess Coco is stressed with corporate breathing down his neck," Paps said.

KR stood up uninterested, slamming down a pen. He unbottoned his Haggar shirt and walked over to the door to complete the request that Paps disregarded.

"Yeah, corporate is a bunch of sonsa-bitches," KR said plainly, as he walked to the corner, now only garbed in a Hanes white T-Shirt and Dockers.

"Well, this boat trip is supposed to be fun, he's the one that told me about it," Paps said.

KR opened up a brown box from overstock.com, and took out a pair of Everlast training gloves. He put them on and adjusted them tightly. He then tapped on a framed picture, and started to jump in place.

Tapping on the picture brought him back to that June day in El Paso, when he strolled in to the WKA's Kickboxing convention. He never thought he'd get a picture of him giving the thumbs up in between a posing Ralph Macchio and William Zabka, smiling ear to ear. A rare sight.

The picture hung next to the heavy bag with pride, jumping off the hook ever so slightly when he would give the bag a hearty right.

-------------------
ck

07-07/Photo of the Week

2009-07-07T10:18:00.003-04:00

"Kevin just bit me."

ck

06-26/Beat It

2009-06-26T08:33:00.003-04:00

The King of Pop is dead. That's right, Michael Jackson has passed on and we are left with a weekend of every club/bar in the city playing Jackson hits. While I'm not against this posthumous display of reverence for one of music's greatest artists, I'm thinking more needs to be done.

I suggested to co-workers this morning that I should star in a one man, off-Broadway production of the life of Michael Jackson. One response was,

"I thought he was anorexic."

followed by,

"I needs to be way off Broadway."

When asked how he-she felt, Person Gaga said, "I heard he went out with a smile on his mouth and a hand on his HUH!"

ck

06-25/Remember Two Things

2009-06-25T22:52:00.002-04:00

http://www.hulu.com/watch/56632/saturday-night-live-digital-short-im-on-a-boat

http://www.chucksconnection.com/weekend/weekend04.jpg *

*credit paps with the rebirth. days and days worth of entertainment.

ck

06-22/Driving Ms. Daisy

2009-06-22T08:30:00.005-04:00

I was prepared to go a different direction with this, but upon coming up with this title I had to give my man Morgan Freeman props, and leave a space here for your favorite line from Shawshank.

This morning started off well, especially since I was excited to be working like a normal person. Still far from normal myself, I ventured out for my nice ride to work.

The radio has been particularly bad lately. Since "Big Whiskey" I've lost some of my tolerance for pop hits, so driving sans satellite radio has left me desiring more. The drive began as usual, luckily not hitting any traffic for the final round of the U.S. Open. The drunk golf spectators are just like drunk car racing fans, however Heineken replaces Miwaukees Best and polo shirts replace T-Shirts that read " My other Car is my Sister."

On pace for an early arrival, my worst fears came to life one exit before I'm supposed to leave the highway. Over a small hill a sea of red brake lights packed the road. A seasoned driver with plenty of miles under (and over) my belt, I knew this wasn't normal volume because it was stationary. Quick thinking, I started my descent one exit early, by a hard right hand turn over three lanes and off the highway - the service road my salvation.

The service road ran smoothly, and gave myself congratulations as if I invented the wheel, when in reality I made a simple decision. Then I hit another wall of red. Behind the scenes, a nasty accident had shut down the highway in Happauge, Smithtown area, and I was stuck in the middle of it.

They say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. When I saw the red for the second time a few things flashed before me.

1.) Did I really need to jump back and forth between morning episodes of "Saved by the Bell" and VH1? OK, we got it Chris, you like "The Man Who Can't Be Moved." Check the traffic, dummy.

2.) Finishing last night's Jaeger Schnitzel was not the greatest idea.

3.) I'm stuck with the radio.

I picked 95.5 PLJ first, but Scott and Todd have the entertainment value of me shopping at EXPRESS for Men. They come back from commercial with the harmony of Shop Boyz "Party like a Rockstar." Now if they actually played the song on that station all hell would break loose, and a fleet of Dodge Caravans would take over the station parking lot to complain.

I wonder if the harmony of that song without the words, and Scott talking about how he went to Morton's last night for dinner, get all these Soccer Moms all excited. Do they hear the beat and feel young again, like the ferry boat scene of "Weekend at Bernie's?" Do they see a nice young man in shorts and white long sleeve, no collar shirt, wearing a sport jacket and say, " I'd really like make out with that guy?"

I can't say much, because the music that supposed to appeal to my demographic is led by "Person" Gaga, making noises in his/her songs as if they are on a football field. "Love Games" is full of "huttt, haaa - hutt huttt, haaa." It sounds like me in the morning after a long night of no self control.

I settled on Boomer and Carton, sports talk, because Carton was calling Brian Cashman (GM of the Yankees) a woman. That's entertainment. Obviously I made it in time, and I am able to get something from the gross coffee truck.

"My friend Andy always said Bacon Egg and Cheese from a Roach Coach would not sit well. I found out exactly what he meant that morning."

ck

06-18/A Day at the Races, Pt.3

2009-06-18T20:21:00.003-04:00

Blue Goose was puttering along the outside, his hard plastic wheels crinkling along the gravel. The footsteps behind us were getting quicker, the pace becoming faster. The group was gaining on me, and the sweat was dripping more than usual.

I pulled him down the homestretch, my pace in danger of almost being called a jog. The finish line was in site.

Then it pulled away.

"Fabe!!!" I yelled, as the car pulled away from me like a joke in a movie.

The red brake lights illuminated, personified as a human face that just raised it's eyebrows, exclaiming, "OH!"

We loaded the Pilot up, storing the excess cargo in any hold that would allow it. It must of been tight because there was no room for Paps' shirt. We bolted out of there with a half of a tank of gas, and dreams. One of them being said shirt would magically reappear.

The beats in the car were pumping, from Lady Gaga to Sean Paul, and I think even Shaggy. The car was like a party bus, complete with male stripper. It reminded me of the scene in Zoolander, when all the models were driving in the car to get gas, then getting rambuncious and spraying it all over each other.

That came to a screeching halt as we pulled onto Bell Blvd. Blanche and her young date (16 November 1985 (Season 1, Episode 9) waved to us and invited us to dinner as we pulled into the parking spot. A quick decision resulted with us leaving Bell Blvd, and proceeding to the Astoria Beergarden.

Landing a great spot in the "Gyro" of Queens, we paraded into the Garden. Like a movie with bad editing showing a magic trick, Paps turned around. Then a second later was facing us with a pitcher of beer.

I tried the same trick, but I was left with no wallet and my fly was open. I was about to be redeemed.

"Hey Chris!"

I looked but didn't see anyone. Maybe a vampire was calling me and I was looking into a mirror.

"Chris!"

I looked over and found that it was a girl calling me. Very drunk and now wondering what I'm going to do, I said....(drumroll)

"Hi."

Then came the line.

"You're Paps' friend, aren't you?"

Then Alfalfa walked by with a slide whistle. http://blog.bernardgomez.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/03/alfalfa.jpeg

And just like that Paps appeared, just like Tony Wonder. I, though, decided to continue with my own illusion called, 'Going down in flames for over 4 hours,' and drank some more. We settled in to a table, saw a few more friends and talked about the good times.

The camera pulled back from the table and rose higher and higher, filming us from the tops of the trees. I put my arm around Maks, put his hat on my head, Fabe kissed Steph, and Paps was barely in the frame talking closely to a lovely girl in the corner.

One of us pointed to him, and I high fived Fabe. Then we all toasted to a wonderful summer.

Then the camera hit a tree branch and it hit me in the head.

ck

06-15/A Day at the Races, Pt. 2

2009-06-15T18:55:00.004-04:00

Walking towards the Backyard area, a Nautica spokesman apparently knew who I was, since he was yelling for my attention. Expecting to be solicited with perfume or sunglasses, it turned out to be Paps and 3 good looking girls. Shocking.

Walking together, as if we had just gotten off an international flight and met up at the arrivals hall, Fabe started to tell the story of how we almost didn't get through with the alcohol. After I got yelled at for trying to tell the story, Paps slipped his arm back into Fabe's and they walked, hearing the tales of his bravery.

We found a nice spot around a tented pole, with 4 flat screen TV's hanging from it. After some rearranging of benches, we had our own little world, complete with carrot sticks and salsa. Now it was time to bet.

I bet that I would be doing something stupid at some point, and that I would drink alot.

Then I went to make some bets on the races. I came up empty in all of them by the way, except - of course - for the drinking and doing something stupid. I did have my third horse show up in 4th place, almost hitting the trifecta.

Maks was dressed like he was lost in the 50's, still with a solid appearance in the crew. He gave me his hat. Solid. He wore dress socks with shorts - one sock stretched higher than the other.

The Goose went through like water, ironically in a Poland Spring bottle.

Remembering earlier about how the guy said made me feel like they were protecting people from drinking too much, they weren't protecting people's wallets. A 22 ounce Coors will cost you 7 on this day, and you can infer the rest after this conversation.....

Me : " Hi, what's the most you can get at one time?"
Lady : " As many as you want. " (said somewhat with a "duh" )
Me : " I'll take 4. "

The band was the highlight of the afternoon. I recall the band to be the highlight of last year too, as well as one of the few things that I remember happening at all.

The drummer to this year's band was "Steve," and I searched for information on the band's name but could not find it. After they started playing Zeppelin, I went to the stage and rocked out like I was in the 70's. More importantly, I rocked out pretending it was really Zep, and not a manager at Rite Aid, with his brother in law playing the keyboard. (likely)

Duschechill moment of the Year :
I was able to fist pound the lead guitar after "Over the Hills and Far Away," and yelled "Yeah, Steve!!" numerous times.

Some guy had to tell me twice that he saw them at the Garden in '73 and I told him that I'll never be able to do that in my life.

***I made sure that the lead saw me checking out his guitars. I tried to make facial expressions that would translate to, " I believe your guitars are acceptable, and I'm someone who would be able to say such a thing."

This was a steady nod, followed by a series a short quick ones with my lips turned in and eyes raised.

I would then hope to get an invite to the stage, but didn't have any idea what I would do from there. I don't think that "Grey Street" was in their set-list. 'Hey guys, this is Chris....'

Maks and I ended up walking looking for Paps and the girls. Looking back on the day I wish I would have said, "Spalding, get your foot off the boat," to him at least once.

Man, did he look good. And I'll tell you why it matters....

in Part III.

ck

06-11/A Day at the Races, Pt. 1

2009-06-11T17:59:00.010-04:00

Blue Goose looked up at me with those big black wheels and said,

"Daddy, where are we going?"

I said, "Where there are lots of strange people, booze, and horses."

"Your bedroom at night-night time?"

"Uh, no......no, well yes, but no. We're going to Belmont."

Arrival at Casa Fabian was 15 minutes late, as 7-11 wouldn't take my Citibank card. I walked out of the store to the left, looking for the bank that I knew was around there somewhere. Passing by the Chinese restaurant and the nail salon, I realized it was not here any longer. Willing to give the 7-11 Citibank ATM another shot, I headed back and saw the bank on the other side of 7-11. The extra 30 feet of walking was sure to help me burn the much needed 30 calories.

I got the cash, got the ice, and headed over to Fabe's.

I saw Steph's ring, and gave a scientific gaze at it, pretending to rate the craftsmanship. I ended it with a satisfactory nod, sucking in my cheeks, and a, " It came out perfect," as if I had been monitoring the work throughout all the steps.

"Big Whiskey and the Gru Grux King," brought us to Belmont; a short 8 minute ride. Flashing back to the Target "wheeled cooler testing area," I remember I had not tested him on gravel. I became worried.

Packed to the gills, BG rolled nicely over the yellow school bus that was going to bring us to the entrance. BG got his own seat, and I told the blue haired old man and wife to take a hike when they wanted to sit there.

In reality I sat next to Kopec and mumbled about my notebook with my writing in it. An uninterested Kopec got his lucky break from my blabbing as a relic from the "Motorhead" era got on the bus wearing a shirt that says "Make 7" on the front, and (assuming) "Up Yours" on the back. I wondered if he would point over his shoulder using his thumb in a fist with a mad face to get his point across - Probably to metrosexuals in long sleeve white linen shirts wearing boat shoes and Prada glasses.

As we arrived at the gates of Belmont, which reminds me of Shawshank, I went with Blue Goose to the separate gate for his "cooler" strip search. I think he was scared at first, as he wobbled a little when the first guard asked if we had any alcohol.

With the coolness of a William Zabka ( http://www.sweeptheleg.com/ ) character, I strutted in to the pen saying, " No, sir."

The crew that would be doing the strip search asked again if we had any alcohol. Doing my best Ryan Atwood impression from "the O.C." I stared blankly, looked sleepy, and dryly said, "No." I looked for Luke to punch out on the beach, but he wasn't there. I looked over at the rest of our crew lined up on the other side of the fence, hoping Peter Gallagher's soft eyes would be at the end cheering me on.
http://z.about.com/d/tvdramas/1/0/R/8/petergall.jpg

One more time they asked if there was any alcohol. I said again, "No." A second later they opened up the Poland Spring 1.5 Liter, and said "Alcohol," and put it aside. The same with the second one.

I looked through the iron fence and saw Fabe, Steph and Kopec, sullenly looking on. I wanted to wish them well and say, " Tell them my story." Then Fabe yelled, "Tell them we'll take it back to the car."

"I'll take them back to the car. After all it is Grey Goose."

The attendant said that would be the best idea, and agreed that the Grey Goose should be "enjoyed at a baseball game" or something. He apologetically added that there was "going to be alot of people," insinuating that there would be a problem with drinking and alot of people. Remember that for later, folks.

Fabe came back out the gate, and BG rolled along with us. Able to fly a plane, and direct tons and tons of metal around one of the world's busiest airport apparently means that I can barely dress myself. I could see a hard hat and a tie on Fabian patrolling a jobsite as he said, " They didn't check my bag going through." A light clicked.

I had already reserved myself to listening to "Birthday Sex" 45 times on 92.3 and drinking this Goose in the parking lot, when hope was regained. We hid behind a trailer and made the switch, and went back to the gate to be searched.

Much more ballsy with no chance of being caught, I returned to the search pen as if I was a regular at a bar. Just another asshole in plaid shorts, I lifted BG up onto the table for a different attendant to do the search. The top was twisted on one of the club sodas, but not fully removed, however the attendant yelled (as if it was coming out of a bullhorn), "This can NOT be opened." I protested a bit showing it was not fully off, so consequently she completed the twist of the cap and put her lovely nose to the bottle. Begrudgingly I accepted the passing the grade, only because I was happy she was proved wrong.

On the non-cooler line, there was a happening - Fabe now was going to have his backpack searched. He quickly said he was waiting for a friend and retreated from the guard. Now removing the bottles and putting them in a plastic bag, he returned to let another guard check the backpack and held the bag at his side. After they pushed aside the umbrella in the backpack, and saw it was contraband free, Fabe walked in hiding the plastic bag at his side. Success.

Just then, this guy arrived off the escalator. http://www.divingtradeint.com/llr%20guy%20sailing.jpg

ck

06-07/Photo of the Weekend

2009-06-07T22:16:00.007-04:00

"The floor guy is coming Wednesday."

ck

06-05/Wilkommen An Bord

2009-06-05T21:14:00.005-04:00

http://www.lufthansa-inflightentertainment.de/mediaworld/anwendung/php/cat_digital_video.php

Jetzt und immer alein.

ck

06-05/Gentlemen, Start Your Horsies

2009-06-05T12:37:00.011-04:00

The cooler will bring you salvation. Tomorrow, at the 141st running of the Belmont Stakes, we are going to ride this little filly all the way to the finish line.*

I named him Blue Goose, as he has a beautiful blue tinge and will be filled with (Grey) Goose.

His father, Cold N' Frosty came from a long line of Coolers, owned by Alfa Tau Omega Fraternity, where he claimed victory at many frat parties and beach events.

Cold N' Frosty, before dressing for the " '04 Balls and Boobs" kegger.

Blue Goose's mother, Cee Horse, was a dainty little filly who was raised to never be touched. She did go out to the Hamptons one year but remained in the car.

Cee Horse, sitting proudly waiting to be banged.

When I went to pick up Blue Goose, I took him for a walk around Target. We paced well, I ran with him, his handle and wheels held up well. He gave me a bit of a struggle around Sporting Goods, only because apparently some golf clubs gave him a hard time once back in storage.

I was satisfied with its performance, and I purchased him. Hopefully with his long ancestry he will be in KemCrisPap Industries family for a long time.

" We are happy to have Blue Goose in our family. He will be a great addition to our family and will help us with our goals of becoming a strong force in the (Broad and Drinking) Industry. We have high expectations ( that Chris keeps his mouth shut if any broads come by ) for Goose, and we want to be there when he crosses the finish. (after party) We wish our other partner Coco could be with us as we prepare for this day (Hes much better than Chris ) but we wish him well on his other endeavours (getting (a) bridesmaid(s) drunk) . " - Phil Paps, Director of Debauchery

" It's water resistant " - Fabe Cristiano, VP Sandwiches

Mine That Bird, Flying Private 1-2

* I used the term filly earlier in the post because I had when Lloyd said, "Did some little filly break your heart?" running through my head. Our cooler is a boy and therefore is not a filly. Thank you for pointing it out poindexter.

06-03/Tuesdays with Morrie

2009-06-03T09:22:00.002-04:00

Last night there was a scent in the air that took me to an old place. It wasn't the warmth of the sweet humid summer air, but rather something more pungent - the likes of apricots, vanilla, and other chemically produced pheromones. It was summer on bell blvd.

Steve and I strutted the blvd. I was draped in my Met's David Wright warm-up jersey, and Old Navy board shorts. Steve had the usual blue under armor short sleeve blue t-shirt. I didn't even know that they make those at all.

Bell blvd. has gone through secret renovations. Maybe they weren't so secret since I barely had been there. I was confining my mid week drinking to our old hole in the wall Winnie Ranigans, who really had a few holes in their walls. Their holes, however, had mice running through them, and a "cook" complete with colostomy bag. We had known one of the bartenders who hooked us up constantly, and to start they had 6 dollar pitchers anyway. Other than the Met or Yankee game, the bar had the entertainment value of an "Evening Shade" marathon, and that's even with pretending Burt Reynold's had on the oversized hat.

There are so many new hip places now, one easily recognized as the "Brews Brothers," the sign complete with Jake and Elwood silhouettes. Johnny Famous', a new "western" type club/bar complete with mechanical bull, has all suburban gay men ecstatic that their prayers were answered.

First Edition, still has 7 inch TV's and a drink "special" that consists of 3.50 pints of Coors Light. Really? That's the best you can do? You have 15, 5 inch TV's but you charge 3.50 for a skunky Coors. Terrible.

We ended up at Sullivan's but opted for sitting inside, not wanted table service. After a few 4.50 Coronas, and stories of Steve asking bartenders at a club, " Are we in Manhattan?" after they charged 34 dollars for 3 drinks and a beer, we decided to leave. Walking back to the car we counted numerous college aged gals dressed up, boobs on display, smelling like French hookers. I don't know if anyone gave them the memo, but it was Tuesday. Thanks to Steve, he reminded them by simply saying, " It's Tuesday."

One couple was making out, on the outside step of Winnie Rannigans. Winnie's had recently become a coke bar, and their crowd had significantly changed. One thing was noticeable, the blvd. was starting to bustle. Really? Tuesday? Is summer that strong?

"I guess these people don't have to work tomorrow."

ck

06-01/Happy June

2009-06-01T10:00:00.002-04:00

On Sunday we enjoyed a very nice party for Fabian's graduation. He was able to get through Kindergarten with flying colors, and I had empenadas. Was delicioso.

It was great to see old friends, catch up on what is going on in our lives, and talk about the weather. A great 2 hour long set was played by "The Pretenders." I didn't even know they were still around! Lots of plans were made to hang out in the future, where bunt cakes will be flying around like hockey pucks during the Ranger's warmups.

Thank goodness Steve wasn't any much later, otherwise he would have blown the surprise. I heard it didn't matter since Tursi was doing cartwheels on the front lawn to air dry his hair while Fabian pulled up.

I had never been in so many uncomfortable situations in my life, especially when I know everyone in the party. Thank goodness that Phil delivered the question of why my legs were not as hairy as the rest of me twice. I felt less awkward the first time I changed in a public pool's locker room and hid in between 2 rows of lockers after I saw a "man" for the first time.

I do need to talk about something serious though. I'm in the market for a new baseball bat. The one that I have is suitable to my needs at the moment, but I just want a bigger one because its new. I can't even hit with a bigger one.

ck

05-28/Hi Daddy

2009-05-28T10:16:00.003-04:00

My father got a kick out of the digs that people in right field gave Adam Dunn last Tuesday. We sat 4 rows up from the field, as a gift for mother's day. My sister and mother, sitting quietly next to my father and I, giggled quietly at comments like,

"Hey Dunn, you should have had that" (ball not in the vicinity of him)
"Hey Dunn, you want a pretzel since you're not in the game"
"Hey Dunn stop scratching your nuts" (for some reason my dad enjoyed this one the most)

My father eventually wanted to get into the fun, and asked me what would be a good thing to say. Thinking that he would never do it, I suggested that he say something about Dunn's wife. Furthermore, I told him that it was ok, and part of our "pastime."

Then as if in slow motion, I saw out of my left periphery, his hands cup up to his mouth. Frame by frame it got closer to his mouth, and once they met his face I heard....

"HEY DUNN......"

"YOUR WIFE SLEEPS WITH THE MILKMAN"

I said. " Milkman dad?"

"Mailman, Milkman, what did I say?"

My mother, shocked, embarrassed, but also laughing, said, "Mark!"

Dad replied with.

"What? It's our national pastime."

ck

05-24/Riesling, Yousling

2009-05-24T18:52:00.002-04:00

Sorry everyone but Riesling week in NYC is over.

http://germanyinnyc.org/index.php?section=catevent&cat_evt_id=614&cat_id=6

ck

05-21/Horrorscope

2009-05-21T22:24:00.005-04:00

Your Weekly Horoscope - Virgo

Sunday, May 17th 2009

Week ahead: You should start to feel that certain restrictions have lifted; it's time to move forward. "I'm staying with my family while my condo is being renovated.."

Love: Keep life equal between you and another - relationships should have an element of balance. "I know we always go to your place, but my condo is still being renovated..lots of drop cloths and what not.."

Career: Confirmation of something you've been waiting for is indicated this week, even if it doesn't go ahead right away. "Yeah, since I got my promotion, I wanted to put in a new kitchen..no big deal, it should take a couple of months.."

Money: Hard work eventually pays off; don't get despondent. "Oh it's a mess right now, toolboxes, paint cans, it's not even worth seeing right now..I wouldn't want you to trip.."

Key words: Exercise a good dose of patience. "Insert your own joke about exercise here."

-------------------

Your Daily Horoscope - Virgo

Thursday, May 21st 2009

Role models in life are inspirational, as they help to set the boundaries of infinite possibilities in life, but don’t mirror your total life exactly on what someone else is doing. Have a role model as an example of what can be accomplished, but allow yourself to be better or different without being limited to what your role model has achieved. Live your own life, Virgo.

Fabian, I have returned my umbrella - the weather can go F#*k itself.
Phil, I tried a turkey sandwich - I'm ditching it.
Steve, I look stupid in a backward Mets hat.
Colin, my treadmill is going to make a lovely rack to hang my Mets Jerseys.

Rico, I still want to be like you.

ck

05-19/Sorry

2009-05-19T10:28:00.001-04:00

I'm terrible right now, a little blocked due to "stuff"

Keep coming back,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOQboHV3-PI

ck

05-19/My Poker Face

2009-05-19T09:52:00.007-04:00

05-14/Zip it Doris

2009-05-14T10:54:00.006-04:00

I'm tired of websites that require authentication by making you type in words. The annoyance is brief, but the bitterness long lasting - apparently.

The words they make you type in are scrunched up and behind some sort of blockage that makes it nearly impossible to read. So here's the plan. We are going make you type a word that doesn't exist - is squished together making the letters of this non word undecipherable - and hide it behind a blotch - with a number 6 at the end of it.

Well when making it this difficult, I think the countless rejections are going to make Susie Homemaker not want to purchase Jonas Brothers tickets from ticketmaster. Maybe she'll just scalp them instead, using her semi MILF body to bargain with the scalper. A scalper named "Tigre," originally from the island of Barbuda, likes the character "Daryl" from The Office, and responds to Susie's advances with "Ho. You old (mon)."

So I prefer that maybe they not make it so hard to purchase something. Use words spelled clearly "I N T E R N E T" not scrunched up, squiggly letters
"HAFOTARN72."

Whats up with Checkers, do they make decent food? Reminds me of Chubby Checker, and wasn't he chubby?

Denny's, stop advertising bro, we don't have you in the city.
In fact here are the closest ones:

1286 ST. GEORGES AVE.
AVENEL, NJ 07001 US
732-634-4160
27.67 miles
According to Wikipedia, Avenel is the headquarters of Bradco Supply, one of the leading distributors of building products in the US.

752 HWY. 18
EAST BRUNSWICK, NJ 08816 US
732-238-4337
37.55 miles
http://www.eastbrunswick.org/departments/news_detail.asp?NewsID=768

61 NEWTOWN ROAD
DANBURY, CT 06810 US
203-778-2298
48.89 miles
http://www.ci.danbury.ct.us/controls/eventview.aspx?MODE=SINGLE&ID=593

When living in Florida, Matt and I went to eat at Denny's often. After ordering breakfast, I said "I'll also be fat and have the mozzarella sticks."

And at Chili's I got a salad once. She listed all the Non-fat dressings, and I asked her "What do you have with fat?"

ck

05-11/Zach and Miri Go F Themselves

2009-05-11T18:55:00.002-04:00

Ok super movie. So happy. I was excited to watch a movie about Seth Rogen probably smoking pot, and the hot crazy chick from 40 year old virgin maybe showing her boobies. Instead I was assasined by a love story inside a movie called " ZACH AND MIRI MAKE A MOTHERF(&&*ING PORNO."

Well you took me by surprise sir. And while Darryl from 'The Office' offers another very exceptional under the radar performance, its still a love story INSIDE A MOVIE CALLED ZACH AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO.

The worst part is that they explain what happens after the movie ends after the credits roll. It's bad enough when the movie ends and they start showing the extra footage. People stop, do that awkward stand-in-the aisle thing, and no one knows what to do.

It's not like someone handing you a flyer, and you give them (maybe) the second or two before you say no thanks. You stare at the screen while walking in the aisle to the exit, craning your neck around like a dog watching tv. They are interested in the TV but just the head swivels around and stares at you while panting as if they said, " Dummy, did you say something, I'm watching TV."

In the aisle, you stand, like a dummy looking at these end parts. Gee, it would have been nice sitting in my chair to watch these clips, you think. But no, you turn your head around but still walk, and bump into someone in front of you who stopped to do the same thing.

Well the answers you need do eventually come in the shots after the ctredits, so you have to wait till the end, or fast forward through the credits to see the answer.

ck

05-09/Mine That Bird

2009-05-09T09:01:00.007-04:00

"Hih, I'm champion horse trainer Wayne Lukas. I just wanted to tell ya'll about the new bird flavor Skoal. Now, now, I know what ya'll are thinkin'-
And yeah...it's real bird.

Nah, I'm just foolin with ya folks. We did name the new flavor after my horse, Mine that Bird, 'Skoal Bird Blend.' (Holds up canister)

Unlike Kodiak, and Timberwolf, we used authentic Mine that Bird horseshit into our blend, not that imitation mule shit.

Who would think tabacca flavored with shit would taste so good? (Takes a hefty pinch and delivers it into the right side of his mouth and mumbles )
But shit, we won the derb-eh, so hell, let's celebrate!

(Two hot cowgirls walk by and he spits, girls give him a turned on look and bite their lips)

Howdy Ma'am ( tips his cap looks back at camera - ) So very seeexxxxy! (Said like Jack Palance in Brut commercial )

---------------
Of course I bet every exacta combination with Papa Clem in it, and I took Flying Private as my long shot hopeful. Of course because it has "Flying" in it, shnarf shnarf..

I am betting the farm ( 6 dollars 27 cents and a button ) on a Papa Clem, Flying Private exacta box for the Preakness.

As the countdown to Belmont begins, along with my hopes for not falling out of a car twice (once on purpose ) - I think we are going to go with seersucker suits and gentleman hats. At this point, and more specifically a few points a while ago, I (we?) don't care anymore. I have a better chance of wearing a burlap sack and not sweating, but I'm going for it anyway.

Here's what I'm thinking.
http://kathlinargiro.ecrater.com/product.php?pid=2950746

Just kidding - this will be worn by my date, the one armed mannequin I met at K-Mart's petite section the other day. I never got a call back from the one I met a JCPenny's. When I looked back, she had had her left arm bent at the elbow up to her head, and I assumed it was the "call me" sign.

Maybe she was giving me the finger, I don't know, she didn't have any hands.

Who cares? I mean, really, who cares? ( Fred Armisen as Joy Behar )

ck

05-07/Line of the Week

2009-05-07T20:37:00.000-04:00

After security gaurd tells steve to back away from steps Fabian says,

"I'm getting too old for this shit, Riggs!"

Ck

05-05/Terrier-ific

2009-05-05T08:27:00.002-04:00

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/05/04/2009-05-04_st_francis_prep_reopens_classes_monday_a_week_after_school_closed_over_swine_flu.html

St. Francis Prep reopens classes Monday, a week after school closed over swine flu cases
BY Barry Paddock, Joe Kemp and Samuel Goldsmith DAILY NEWS WRITERS
Tuesday, May 5th 2009, 6:30 AM
St. Francis Prep students head back to class Monday, a week after school was closed because of swine flu.
Students and teachers streamed back to St. Francis Preparatory School Monday, 11 days after swine flu canceled classes and sent panic throughout the Queens school.
"We're feeling awesome," said Daniela Serringer, 15, who spent last week afraid she'd come down with the virus like so many of her friends.
The Fresh Meadows school was meticulously cleaned, washing away her fears along with the germs in her classroom.
"I really trust the school," Daniela said.
Workers at St. Francis spent days sanitizing the building from floor to ceiling, even scrubbing the ventilation system that pumps air through the building.
"I'm just delighted, and thank God, that we're getting back to normal at some point today," the school's principal, Brother Leonard Conway, said.
Still, 204 of the school's 2,700 students called in sick.
"The vast majority of calls were from parents who said, 'Just to be on the safe side, I'm keeping them out for another day or two,'" Conway said.
Mayor Bloomberg welcomed students and staff back to the epicenter of swine flu in the U.S. As many as 1,000 people have been sickened and 45 diagnosed with the virus at the school.
"It's always good to be back with your friends and get back to studying," Bloomberg said over the intercom shortly after the opening bell. "I'm sorry for anyone that got sick, [but] it turns out the flu was not that serious."
The number of confirmed swine flu cases in New York went up to 90 Monday after 17 suspected cases of the virus were confirmed, Gov. Paterson said.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that closing schools in swine flu outbreaks doesn't effectively halt the virus' spread.
The Federal Trade Commission warned consumers to stay away from fraudulent swine flu remedies being advertised on the Internet that could actually harm you.
Colloidal silver, a mineral supplement that some believe has healing properties, is being hocked online as a cure, but the drug is not recommended or approved by the FDA.
A bag of "baphicacanthus root" was touted on eBay as "the best drink to prevent Swine Flu" because it removes "toxic heat" from the blood.
"There is no competent and reliable scientific evidence to support [such] claims," said FTC spokeswoman Betsy Lordan.
Globally, the number of swine flu victims topped the 1,000 mark as the United Nations most senior health official warned a second wave of the virus in the coming months could be far more .

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/05/04/2009-05-04_st_francis_prep_reopens_classes_monday_a_week_after_school_closed_over_swine_flu.html#ixzz0EdQ8ugND&A

Class President Phil Paparella stood with Mayor Bloomberg after the announcement for photos. Unfortunately, the PA was still on when this was overhead...
"Bloom, here's how its going to happen. You're going to set me up with a nice job in the city, a place on the upper west side, and lots of broads to canoodle with."
"And what do I get in return?"
"The football team's vote for your next election."

Life was carrying on for the rest of the largest co-ed Catholic High School's student body. As 1700 females prepared for their day at school, FC and CK were spotted sitting next to each other in the corner of the cafeteria having a bagel eating contest.

Steve Famoso, who was in the cafeteria since 6:15, saw the two and opted to sit with Dave and have a staring contest.

ck

05-03/Revelations

2009-05-03T12:39:00.002-04:00

I just realized that after 27 years an extended family member's name is "Antoinette" not "Aunt Annette." And there is no name "Aunt Annette," except for someone's Aunt, named Annette.

ck

04-30/Wedding Bells to Jail Cells

2009-04-30T13:46:00.006-04:00

It is with deep regret to inform you that the Craigslist killer wedding is off. It almost seems like a Jay Leno skit where they pick out the funny names of people getting married. "The Craigslist-Killer wedding" The dude is terrible, and another reason why Fabian will tell you Boston sucks.

What I don't understand is that if you have an engagement party, are you supposed to bring a gift? And if you do - do you still have to bring a gift to the wedding? Sounds to me like the perfect chance to give lottery tickets in the envelope to one of those events. It definitely has some thought to it, but it also is valuable potential. If you get a cheap ticket, it still counts as generous because of the amount of money you could win.

I think as party favors for the celebration of nuptials to myself, I will give out a lucky 777s ticket to all my guests. One of the dummies there will be sure to win big, and with my luck it will be John. Hi John.

Speaking of John, the W.B. Mason guy is starting to get on my nerves. For a long time I used to see the trucks driving around, and since I was busy probably thinking of what deli meat is on sale this week, I used to only give the truck about 2 seconds of my time.

Finally one day I had discovered that I was actually curious about what this company is. I suppose I always thought that it was candy or cigars, due to the old tyme guy with his bozo eyebrow raised. Then I thought, "Wow, what a big truck for cigars."

http://www.e-brands.com.au/Blog_image_files/WB%20Mason%20ID%202.JPG

What's he looking at in that picture? Did someone distract him for a second during the hour long painting? Maybe some whippersnappers yelled, "Nice mustache, Gatsby!!" Then when he looks at the painting later he says, "Hey, I wasn't looking at the easel!"

I guess with the behest of the W.B. Mason higher-ups they decided it would be a good idea to feature a TV commercial with this weirdo raising his eyebrow. I think John was cast originally for this part but he was not able to attend the actual filming.

Good idea though, because the end of the commercial seems like its the beginning of a porno - and my research on early 20th pornography is still not complete. I could see the silent film though - W.B. raising his eyebrow looking at a dame in a 1920's bathing suit twisting his mustache. They go to the black screen with the white text that says, "Who wants a mustache ride?"

Then Babe Ruth winks and swings a bat in fast motion, mouthing the words " Lou Gehrig is a dumb kraut. " But the black screen then comes on and the text reads, " I love pencils from W.B. Mason." Then winks.

By the way, they are an office supplier that also sells food and stuff to companies.

Enjoy your Thursday.

ck